To be absolutely furious with my father?

She only sees them twice a year. Why would she care for them more than any other child? Blood doesn't = love and a lifetime sacrifice, especially if it's not chosen.

From what op says it sounds like her Dad was a shit parent and she doesn't have much of a relationship with her half siblings.

My mum died when I was ten and my Dad was in very poor health at the time. He ended up living until I was 40 but if he passed away when I was still a child I would hate to think my brother and I would have ended up in care because no family member could be arsed to take us in.

That's very sad of course. But do you think all family members should at all times be responsible for taking in family members? Couldn't be arsed is a scenario I'd apply to cooking dinner, or ironing. Taking in multiple family members is an enormous and life changing decision that many people are not prepared or equipped for, and I don't see why anyone should be judged for choosing not to. It can change the rest of someone's life.

In my case as a child free adult that doesn't like children and has never so much as changed a nappy - by choice - wouldn't it be better for someone to take in a child if they actively wanted and enjoyed children?

You're quite right.

YANBU to make your position clear- you’re doing them a favour really, so they can look to alternative arrangements. Or reconcile themselves to the idea that if they die, their children will need to go into care. And yea, they are being unreasonable to just assume- esp in the context of your family history

OTOH, I don’t get on with my half sister, and I’m a single mum with my own kid, little money, and see my nieces twice a year at most. I don’t think I could ever say “no” to taking her children on if they needed me. Yea it’s an enormous sacrifice, but the care system is fucked - I wouldn’t condemn any child to that if I could help it.

Perhaps your grandmother's extended family were in somewhat different circumstances to "the majority of people on this thread". Plus times were very different in your grandmother's era. My granddad and grandma had 8 children of their own and took in three cousins when their mother died - making 13 people in a 2 bed farmhouse. WTAF would do that now?!!

Would you have been content to be raised by an aunt or uncle who had taken you out of a sense of obligation?

My DD (30's) has two adopted children and she's told me that she had imagined that I would take them in if anything happened to her. I would not be unwilling to help with their upbringing, but realistically to take full responsibility would be insane, I'm 72 and would be 84 before my GS left school. I've not raised it with her yet, she has form for going off the handle, but at some stage I need to speak to her. She has to realise that she needs to sort something out.
If she took out life insurance so that we could employ someone experienced to help look after them it would make it more viable, but it would be a huge burden for me to take up.

@adriftinadenofvipers Any of my aunts or uncles. My grandmother’s parents died when she was 8 and her aunt and uncle raised her and her sister after that. Luckily for my grandmother her extended family weren’t like the majority of people on this thread.

It doesn't matter what age you are. All parents should think about who will be their children's guardians in the event both of them die and get the guardians' permission first before naming them in their wills. Sadly even young parents can die in an accident.

DH and I named a friend of DH and his wife in our wills to be our children's guardians, but we made sure they were comfortable with it before doing so.

The only way for it to make sense is that the OP's mother had a baby when the OP was 16?

No, no, no, no, no!!

They can do what they want with "THEIR fertility, THEIR body, THEIR choice" but they absolutely cannot saddle their unwilling half-sister to add three children she barely knows to her own family without so much as asking her if she would be willing to do it!!

Utterly batshit!

I suppose you would do it...!! 🙄

Op do you mean here that your mum had a baby when you were 16?

So who would you have expected to "be arsed" to take you?

Oh do wise up! She barely knows them apart from anything else.

Caring about them does not equal caring for them!!!

Your poor siblings for finding out that you really don’t care about them

I'd think she will have an elective c/section at that age though that's not without risk either! In their profession, they should know these things!

They probably have a nanny too, to take some of the grunt work out of it!

I can't get my head around the idea of being pregnant and having a newborn in my 50s!

My mum died when I was ten and my Dad was in very poor health at the time. He ended up living until I was 40 but if he passed away when I was still a child I would hate to think my brother and I would have ended up in care because no family member could be arsed to take us in.

I didn't know that people could do IVF that old? Sorry, I don't know much about it. I'm not able to have kids I don't think, and don't want them. But I thought there was an age limit? Isn't pregnancy really dangerous for someone that age? Or is there a surrogate who carries the child? I'm not being obtuse on purpose, I'm just surprised.

Anyway of course you don't have to care for a kid you've never even met yet. Just say they're an arsehole? 🤣

Regardless, it's not your responsibility and they know it. I'm hoping it was an incredibly crass misplaced attempt at a joke.

It was his choice to have babies in old age. Ridiculous assumption to think you'd take on the burden. He should have asked permission from you then before having kids if he was going to saddle you with the responsibility.

I'm childfree by choice and I would absolutely not take in anyone else's kids - siblings or not. In fact I know my sister made other arrangements in her will for her children when they were young because she knew and understood this. Fortunately nobody in my family has made any such stupid decisions as to have yet more children in their 50s.

You assume outside of a tragedy (which could happen to a 20 year old or 50 year old say fatal house fire or car crash etc...) two 50 year olds are BOTH going to keel over dead in the next 8 or so years?

Are you seriously more worried about an insanely low chance scenario (that you don't even have to accept) impinging on your freedom than you are of the thought that your parents would have both had to have died young in a horrible way and your family is literally falling apart at the seems.

No they do not have to talk to you, its THEIR fertility, THEIR body, THEIR choice and this is a wild 'if, buts and coconuts' argument.

I don't think that anyone would like it...but sometimes you need to be blunt.

In my own case, I didn't seek out IVF to have children. I was in my 30s when I got married; DH was just over 20 yrs older.

The "what arrangements to make for children" was always on my mind, but it didn't matter in the end.

Prior to the final realisation that it wasn't happening, the one thing that I did manage to do was to set aside enough money to put my non-existent children through university.

“oh I just assumed Porta would take them in”
He's just softening you up here @PortaSix, his endgame is that you'll be providing free childcare for them.
(I'd be moving away!!)

It's absolutely not outrageous at all.

The father needs to understand that he would be failing in his duty to mot appropriately safeguard his children.
If he chooses OP. He effectively places his children in care.