To be absolutely furious with my father?

But there NOT.

Its a throw away comment over an insane 'what if they both suddenly die' that has zero legal stance.

Do people here really think that say a meteor falls out of the sky and hits only the parents, the courts are going to force her against her will to look after 3 kids.

No, there literally nothing to be offended over, its all entirely made up but you absoloutly NEVER have a say over someone else's fertility.

But you’re still siblings nonetheless? I think that’s a really sad way of looking at things if she does see it that way of course

I find this absolutely bizarre and a bit sad, that just because you don’t share the entirety of DNA you view them as a lesser family member?

Ethically IVF should not be available to women over 50 IMO even if paid privately.

However this is a hypothetical situation so I'd just shrug it off really, it isn't an actual problem or an issue for you right now, and probably will never be.

I would imagine that she doesn't see them as siblings as there is a 21 year age gap between her and the oldest child and a 31 year age gap between her and the youngest child and she sees them twice a year. I think siblings only feel like siblings if they grow up together in the same house, with shared childhood experiences.

I would take in a full sibling. I would not treat a half sibling as a full sibling except in very particular circumstances.

If parents move on with their life and start another family, they move on.

Thats not what I said - I said that I suspect she doesn’t see them as siblings at all as they are only half.

My dad’s mum was 46 having him. He lost both parents (one to dementia and the other heart failure) before he was 28.

Well if they are half then they are half siblings. I expect she sees them as that.

The grief and devastation of losing both parents is not a tantrum.

Actually I think that to a lot of us childfree people it would be even more of a weighty decision and that poster is obviously insane.

I don't have kids and there's no way I'd do it. I literally chose not to have my own kids, I'm certainly not choosing anyone else's.

It’s not really a decision though is it - What are the chances that they both pass away and it falls onto you? By the time your dad dies of old age (hopefully) then the children will be grown?

They are your siblings though, or do you not see them as that because they are half?

I've said upthread that I could (hypothetically) have been an 18 year old with responsibility for a toddler and my then 15 year old bro (half siblings BTW). I accepted this totally, I loved them and somehow (God knows how) I'd have made it work, I hope. I'd have wanted to.

Very different to an assumption that a vastly older sibling will take on responsibility for raising 3 kids they barely know because their hopeless father and stepmother have made a decision to have their last child in their 50s, with other young children in the mix.

The only selfishness here is on the part of the OPs father and stepmother.

I mean the dads was a poor dad to the op lives hundreds of miles away and she barely sees these kids.

It’s bizzare to think that are any higher up than a close friend.

I would not take in my dh’s nephews either…

I don’t live other people’s children that much to tolerate tantrums and such of what would come from children who’ve lost their parents.

I can be honest and admit is be a shit stand in parent so better off in care than with me.

How rude of them to assume you would. How selfish of them to be having kids at their age

Dad and Step mum. Your children will go into care before they come to me

Well that's telling 'em 😦

Anyone who names a guardian to look after their children if both parents die before their children reach adulthood is doing this to cover the very unlikely event that both parents will die before all the children are 18.

No-one should nominate a guardian or even assume that someone will be a guardian to their children without a discussion about it. They don't have to talk to OP about whether they should be having children at their age, but they do need to talk to her if they want her to look after their children if they both die in the next 8 or so years.

I think you are being a touch unreasonable... the assumption would piss me off.. but would I take in a sibling? Yes of course. And the kids are unlikely to be young kids if that happens.. most people live into their mid sixties at least.. so the elder two would be adults and the youngest a teen..
They aren't so old that it's a ridiculous burden they are placing on you by making the assumption you'd take the kids in..
Because really it's extremely unlikely they will die before the kids reach adulthood.
So I don't see how it needs more thinking about than how much you've thought who would take in your kids if you dropped dead? Which would probably be them wouldn't it?

They are half siblings spawned late in life by a parent who ought to have thought this through before begetting the child. It was ivf: it’s not as though he had no warning.

I wouldn't consider some small kids and a baby from father's (who I see twice a year and who wasn't a good father) second marriage 'siblings', tbh. Not in a true sense. They're half-siblings first of all. And secondly, to me, a sibling is someone I grew up and shared my childhood with, not some small kid conceived when I was adult and whom I barely see.

I (like the OP) also had my child in my early 20s. That decision was made for a reason and the fact that I have one and only child is also for a reason. She'll be 18 when I'll be 42 and I have plans for when she leaves home. I fundamentally disagree with middle-aged people having babies. It's their lives and their choice, but I do judge and I'd never do it myself. So a dad like OP's with his weirdo wife could go whistle with his 'suggestions'.

I would take my brother's child in. BUT he IS my brother, we grew up together, we love each other and he's not a halfwit having babies in his 40s-50s. He's younger than me and if he died, it would mean that some tragedy happened. And of course I'd take his child in, love him and raise him as my own.

My parents are 57 and 61, truly too old to have children anymore. But if they managed by some miracle (and total stupidity), they'd definitely go into care in case of their death, I wouldn't even consider them having anything to do with me.

I know what you mean, although on the other hand I discovered I felt a great deal of respect for someone in our family who thought it through carefully and eventually said no, they didn't have what it would take to be a parental figure to a grieving child. I found that kind of self-awareness admirable.

YANBU. I'd be fuming.

@PortaSix IVF? Surely with donor eggs? Seems an utterly mad thing to do in 50s if you already have many children!!

To be honest, there are several children I'd be prepared to take on if their parents died and it came to it.

But if their parents just casually announced to people that they'd just "assumed" I would take them on, and that they'd continued to have children to an irresponsible age on that basis, I would be absolutely furious and would likely tell them to FOTTFSOF.

It's a HUGE undertaking to raise a child, especially someone else's, especially a grieving one, and the idea that someone would just assume that they were entitled to that level of life-changing effort, time, commitment and resources (x3) - not to mention the effect on my own children - without so much as a 'by your leave' is one of the most self-important, self-involved (and likely deeply sexist) cheeky fuckery there is.

One thing we've realised is there is absolutely no point in falling out over something theoretical. It's all in the future. Nod, smile, ignore and live day to day.

My unpleasant SIL is in palliative care with a 14 & 12 year old. She has a husband, he's ok. We're the back up plan and we've said yes. It's kind, we absolutely would do our best but in private we are screaming no!
We had our kids earlier, brought them up as a good fit for us and sacrificed a lot to get where we are today. SIL took a different path, never failed to rub it in throughout the decades and honestly, I only like her kids marginally more than her. We have a different future in mind then dealing with a couple of kids who were failed by both parents years ago.
We would probably step up but if circumstances changed, I'd always prioritise my own nuclear family. (Which is why I'm not planning more kids at 51!)

And you need a decent stake in the Will, if you are even hinted at as the back up plan. If you are good enough as an adoptive parent, you deserve a fair chunk of inheritance.