To be absolutely furious with my father?

My mum died when I was ten and my Dad was in very poor health at the time. He ended up living until I was 40 but if he passed away when I was still a child I would hate to think my brother and I would have ended up in care because no family member could be arsed to take us in.

What if you died first and nobody wanted your children? How would you feel about that? These children are your siblings.

That's lovely and everything. Well done you. Give yourself a gold star.

I wouldn't want three extra kids dumped on me when mine had grown up because my late-middle-aged father and his wife can't make responsible choices about parenthood.

I might, in extremis, possibly take them in but I'd be rightly disgusted with their parents for not thinking through likely scenarios for elderly parenting.

I love my siblings, I do. But no, I will have done my time raising my own children and me and my husband are planning to go travelling and hopefully spend time with our grandchildren.

Also, these children will need their parents even after adulthood. I needed my mum during my pregnancy, my wedding, other shit that life has thrown at me. I think risking not being there for those big milestones is inherently selfish. But they are very much “money buys love” sort of people so I think that’s the only part they considered really.

I was with you until you referred to the 50s as 'old age'.

I was with you until you referred to the 50s as 'old age'.

My DD (30's) has two adopted children and she's told me that she had imagined that I would take them in if anything happened to her. I would not be unwilling to help with their upbringing, but realistically to take full responsibility would be insane, I'm 72 and would be 84 before my GS left school. I've not raised it with her yet, she has form for going off the handle, but at some stage I need to speak to her. She has to realise that she needs to sort something out.
If she took out life insurance so that we could employ someone experienced to help look after them it would make it more viable, but it would be a huge burden for me to take up.

My father and is wife are both in their 50’s and are having another baby. None of my business, it’s not what I would want to do but it’s up to them.

We were at a family gathering and the subject of death came up and what would happen with our children. My dad then announced “oh I just assumed Porta would take them in”

Like, wtf?! Did he not think this was a conversation to have BEFORE having babies in old age? They have a 10 year old, a 3 year old and now another one on the way.

I’ve had my babies. I had mine in my early 20’s so that my 40 my kids will be grown. I do not want to take on any ther children. I am so mad that he just thought I would take on his children like this without any sort of discussion. Aibu?

I'm not sure what you're furious about. They are both in their 50's, average life expectancy is around 80, so the chance of them both dying before the child is grown up is very small.

If any child were unfortunate enough to lose both their parents before they grew up, I'd hope their family members would step up and look after them, rather than let them go into the care of strangers.

My father and is wife are both in their 50’s and are having another baby. None of my business, it’s not what I would want to do but it’s up to them.

We were at a family gathering and the subject of death came up and what would happen with our children. My dad then announced “oh I just assumed Porta would take them in”

Like, wtf?! Did he not think this was a conversation to have BEFORE having babies in old age? They have a 10 year old, a 3 year old and now another one on the way.

I’ve had my babies. I had mine in my early 20’s so that my 40 my kids will be grown. I do not want to take on any ther children. I am so mad that he just thought I would take on his children like this without any sort of discussion. Aibu?

I'm not sure what you're furious about. They are both in their 50's, average life expectancy is around 80, so the chance of them both dying before the child is grown up is very small.

If any child were unfortunate enough to lose both their parents before they grew up, I'd hope their family members would step up and look after them, rather than let them go into the care of strangers.

I think that in order to be clear with your DF, I would put your feelings in writing OP, as if they haven't given any thought to what might happen in this scenario, before having another child, then the chances are that they will just think that they can continue to assume that you would do, what some people would refer to as, 'the right thing'.

It's really not unreasonable not to want to raise someone else's children, siblings or not, and definitely not, when the siblings were deliberately brought into the world after normal child bearing age, and by science rather than nature.

It’s not really a decision though is it - What are the chances that they both pass away and it falls onto you? By the time your dad dies of old age (hopefully) then the children will be grown?

Yeah, it's pretty unlikely that that they would 'both' die before the children reach
adulthood. I'd take them on without a second thought tbh. Good to have children and relatives who will give a shit about you when you get old. You give a shit about them and perhaps they will give a shit about you.

Yeah, I only have half sibling but they very much ARE my sibling. I have the exact same relationship with them as people I know have with full siblings... why on earth wouldn't I.

My mam had 3 full sibling and 2 half siblings, she only got on with her half siblings.

My mum died when I was ten and my Dad was in very poor health at the time. He ended up living until I was 40 but if he passed away when I was still a child I would hate to think my brother and I would have ended up in care because no family member could be arsed to take us in.

I find this absolutely bizarre and a bit sad, that just because you don’t share the entirety of DNA you view them as a lesser family member?

I find this absolutely bizarre and a bit sad, that just because you don’t share the entirety of DNA you view them as a lesser family member?