Domineering family members, how to do this nicely?

It's kind of you to look out for your aunt, but many single people manage fine living alone. Did she ask to live with you, or did you invite her? If the suggestion came from you it won't be easy reversing it, but if she says she would rather be independent, you could talk with her about how to make it happen. Then you might be fine with her texting you.

You'd need to have an in-person conversation about it first, but then you could use a copy-paste message like this:

Hi (name)
I need some time to myself each day for my own wellbeing.
Unless it is an emergency, please do not message me while I am out. This is not an emergency and can wait until I return home.
If you are worried you might forget what you want to say, please write it down or save a note in your phone.
(your name)

But you are likely to have to deal with her increasing the messages first (testing your boundaries and seeing if you will respond if she pushes harder).

However I'm wondering about the motivation behind the messages - Is she lonely? Bored? Anxious about being in the house on her own? Worried if she doesn't message you immediately that she'd forget?
If any of these apply you might want to approach from a more compassionate view.

(please note, I'm not saying that she's not being controlling and overbearing, I've known some awful people who use age and/or circumstances as an excuse to be abusive to family)

I have domineering relatives. I hear you. It is the trampling on boundaries, the demands, the controlling stuff, the persistence of it. The zero insight. It wears you right down.

Have you asked her to stop? Is she super anxious or something?

Definitely not a monster. You're already doing a lovely thing by having her to stay.

I feel suffocated just thinking about it.

OP of course this is stifling. It would drive me up the wall. Yes you can ignore the messages but you shouldn't have to. People ought to have a bit more self awareness and not impose themselves like this, especially when they saw you half an hour ago and will see you when you get home. Despite the tenor of the responses above, I don't know anyone in real life who would be OK with this, and both me and the vast majority of my family and friends are just normal people getting on with life.

A few messages to point out things she thinks you may like or find interesting is hardly domineering. You sound like you just can’t be bothered with her, just answer them when you are ready, or just react with an emoji as you are. It’s hardly taking over your life. Poor woman.

I actually wouldn't be fine with the whole setup no matter how many messages she was or wasn't sending.

So you've no end in sight here for the current arrangement, it seems. I wouldn't be at all happy with that. Is she trying to find alternative living accommodation? Does she not have other family? Why is this all on you?

Messages I could ignore until it was convenient to respond. Someone else camped out in my house would be a very different matter though. It would feel intrusive to me.

Why is she staying with you? Has she moved in recently? What is the back story here?

On the face of it, 3 messages doesn't seem too bad, but is there something you are not telling us here?

Turn the message notifications off and/or put your phone on silent. Only respond to the messages if/when you are good and ready. Why do you feel the need to reply immediately? Stop doing that and just get back to her at your own convenience. That's what most people do.

Unless she gets shirty if you don't reply, I think this is a you issue. Text messages don't need instant review and response so you can just leave them. I regularly have 3 or more whatsapp conversations that are unread or not responded to because I'm out and about and can't reply. Then later I do. In light of the fact that I often send messages that don't get instant replies, I assume this is what most of the peopel I know do too.

Aunty please stop texting me when I'm out unless it's an emergency.

It comes across as your time out of the house (away from her) is intended as a break from her, and by texting you at all, she's disturbing your break. She obviously doesn't see it this way and probably doesn't realise you're finding it challenging to have her in your home and want a break from her.

I get it; I need my space, too, but what she's doing isn't actually rude or demanding, imo. I'd just continue what you're doing. Silence your phone for a while, tell her you were busy (if she requires a response), but try not to take it as ill-intentioned.

Why is she staying with you and how long for?

I think you need to tell her. If she gets annoyed then that’s ok. She’s sixty, same age as me, I am sure she will cope.

Disrespectful is a bit harsh since you haven’t actually told her how much it annoys you.

Just tell her you can’t answer messages during the day when you’re working and completely ignore them. I’m sure she’ll stop after a while.

Three messages is not awful-just ignore them and tell her you were busy.

Why is she living with you and how long for? Sounds like that’s annoying you which is understandable

Op you aunt is not being abnormal - if you find a few text messages "stifling", then it's you not her

Put your phone on mute and you won't even notice

Just like or heart the messages. It takes seconds.

It sounds like she is a bit lonely or she just enjoys sending messages.

You do sound a little harsh OP. It's just a few texts/WhatsApps, not a massive conversation.

Why is she staying with you? It sounds like you are finding her staying a bit tricky and are on a bit of a short fuse. It's understandable if you're under some pressure.

Really? Massively winding you up? You sound difficult.

Turn off notifications for her messages.