Work very critical of DH, but did not know he has ASD - discriminatory?

There is no requirement for a diagnosis.

In law this a question of impairment and not a diagnosis.

No - I am sorry - unless his company have been advised that there is a recent diagnosis, how are they going to be able to tell that there is an issue? He has worked for them for several years, and now, because there is a problem with his review, they decide that they should tell the company about the diagnosis. It would have been correct to tell them about the diagnosis before it got to this stage. And the OP seems intent on discrimination issues when there is no WAY that this can be taken into account until the company is made aware that there is a diagnosis which should be taken into account. No one has time these days to be a mind reader.

@WhatNext321 re Access to Work, I have used this successfully (not for ASD) and my experience was pretty positive. After applying via the gov.uk Access to work site they sent an assessor to go through what might help me do my job with my disability and suggest adaptations, reasonable adjustments etc. The HR and occupational health people from my employer were involved as some of the costs of any adjustment or adaptation has to be met by the employer before any AtW grant kicks in. I was awarded 3-year grants. The main problem I had is that my HR team really had no idea about AtW so I had to become a bit of an expert sharpish! It's a good scheme though, well worth the hassle and does highlight to the employer that you "qualify " as disabled in relation to the equality act.

OP i have loads of experience with access to work applications because of my job. Feel free to DM if you need more support

Unfortunately a disclosure of diagnosis won't change the fact that he apparently has some communication difficulties which affect his colleagues. Whether there are adjustments to enable him to work better remains to be seen but he can request this. Do you think his workload may be due to difficulties in self managing his time and efficiency, expecting too much of himself or is his workload overly demanding? Presumably he is working from home at least some of the time to do so seven days a week. Would attending an office and having regular face to face meetings work better, and he could psychologically leave his work at the office rather than being tempted to do overtime,

So what you’re asking is are his employers BU for not being psychic mind readers!?

The onus is not on the person with Asd to change, it’s on both to find a way to make it work. But to do that the one with add needs to be aware of the problem and given support on how to overcome it and the other one needs to be aware of the issue in order to adapt their communication style and expectations

How do you suggest doing it?

@WhatNext321 I am assuming your DH is working in England, if so he should not be working 7 days a week. Under the Working Time Directive employees should have at least 24 hours uninterrupted rest each week. There are exceptions but these are limited.

Other posters have given good advice regarding telling his work, Access to Work and potential options to aid his communication. Your DH maybe entitled to reasonable adjustments. These can be simple and fairly easy to implement.

One area that I feel a lot of employers ( and the gmt) miss is the importance of flexible working for people with ASD. Your DH maybe masking at work which takes a lot of mental energy and as he becomes tired it’s harder to communicate in a NT way. Your DH needs to address the working 7 days a week and potentially look to reduce his hours/workload as a reasonable adjustment.

Yes but they need to be aware of them to make those reasonable adjustments

They didn’t know. Whst did you expect them to do? 🤷‍♀️

Which is exactly why sharing his diagnosis ought to help him.

As you say, conversation and communication typically comes with hidden meanings, unspoken rules, vagueness and an expectation and ignorance that everyone should just know what they mean..

If people know that the OP's dh doesn't get all those nuances, and does apply them when communicating himself, then everyone can make adjustments. Whilst he hasn't been willing to say he needs differentiation, then he isn't going to get it. You are getting people supporting you by communicating in a way that is clearer to you, because you have told them you need this.
It isn't about 'being at fault' it is about being different from, and communicating differently from the majority of his colleagues and customers / clients / service users / patients / whoever he works with.

OP, you don't like this phrasing
many examples of "colleague A says this about you" and "colleague B says that about you".

So what should they have written instead? What would be factual, simple and have the phrasing you want?

How would his workload end up being lighter if they knew about his diagnosis?
It sounds like he has time management problems; would that get fixed if his line manager(s) knew about his diagnosis?

Does everyone else in his role work 7days/week and only see their kids for 10 minutes a day max? If the reason they don't work like that because they are NT?

At my work we request feedback from colleagues of all levels (upward, downward and peer) and it is not anonymous.

it sounds like problems have been raised that he needs to work on. If he doesn’t improve here then they don’t see a future for him. That doesn’t sound like they are trying to manage him out (at least yet).

surely they are raising it with him so that he can start working on it. People can’t develop if they aren’t given feedback.

It is quite a standard practice to have peer evaluation and even 360 evaluation where juniors evaluate bosses.

"If DH informs work about his diagnosis, can what was written in his appraisal be seen as discriminatory? The tone of the appraisal was very much "we have great concerns regarding your communication, if it doesn't improve, you'll lose your job", but was not explicitly said".

The Equality Act of 2010 says even if they do not disclose disability "Employees are still protected from discrimination if their employer could reasonably be expected to know they have a disability." (ACAS) So I guess, from what the employer saw, could they have realised that DH was struggling, not just being lazy or enjoying being rude or whatever? I mean I guess if there really wasn't anything that made them think he needed help, then yes they could claim they did nothing wrong because they didn't know he is disabled, but they would be on thin ice, especially if they didn't really help him when they identified he was struggling.

From what you say about DHs current state though, I would be more trying to focus on going forward. They aren't trying to dismiss him yet, so what would help him going forward? The work place probably need to help him get Access to Work support and put reasonable adjustments in place to help him cope.

I have had AtW recently, to do with my brain injury which causes short term memory difficulties affecting my organisation. It also affects my fine motor skills. I have 2 hours a week with one-to-one support for admin tasks, especially organisation of those tasks, and tasks requiring fine motor skills (mouse use). It helps me to keep on track with everything. Focus on what would help things improve now.

I wondered this. Whether is workload is actually similar/the same but he finds it more challenging and completes work slower than others?

It is important for him to declare his ASD, as that opens different routes to tackling the issues, including funding. He would also need different training approaches. Having said that, his ASD is not going to mean nothing needs to be done about his communication style.

For example, I worked with a man once who felt it was ok to tell his team that nobody was allowed a day off for 3 months, that they all had to do overtime, and told several of them in detail how "bad" their work was. None of that was appropriate and we needed to adjust a lot of expectations around line management to settle it all back down. Funnily enough, your story made me wonder if the line manager delivering your DH feedback has some significant communication issues, as naming colleagues along with consistent negative messaging is also inappropriate. If DH is comfortable to explain to colleagues then he may also find they are more tolerant. If your DH's HR team are aware, then they may be able to make the communication rules clearer for him, which should help a lot. If he is disorganises, then consider if ADHD is also an issue, there are lots of useful coaches and resources for ADHD.

The proble is that others might not know they need to adjust their communication. When I send messages to my cleaner, I know she uses a translation app becuas eher English is terrible. To make the translation easier, I use very simple, short sentences and proactively try not to say things that are vague or unclear. If I am talking to my friend's autistic daughter, I have learnt that I need to take a similar approach and give her time to process aspets of the conversation. I do not adapt my style of communication for other people.

So I do 100% agree that part of the ASD disclosure process is the company putting in place processes to make it easier. A friend has an adjustment which seems so minor but has been lifechanging for her, and actually some of her colleagues, in that in her team, meetings are NVER held anymore without some written bullet points and a formal agenda. This allows her to get her head there because she struggles with things being thrown out at her due to her ADHD.

You don’t need an official diagnosis to request adjustments.

Did you mean to be so rude to PP? Their points are valid. And yes, an employer needs reasonable grounds to suspect there is an incapacity that meets the terms of EA2010 in order to be obliged to make a reasonable adjustment. NB. There is no requirement for a diagnosis.

HR person stepping out of the Work board. (AIBU is dreadful for HR advice.). Haven’t read the full thread yet. I’m also from a very neurospicy family and have disclosed my ND since diagnosis because of the benefits of doing so.

Have had people try to claim discrimination for conditions they had not been disclosed (apparently disciplining someone for calling a customer “a twat” within their earshot could be explained away). Needless to say it went nowhere once they started asking ACAS and their Union.

ASD is a condition but it isn’t a golden ticket. Your husband will presumably have forgiven feedback on his colleagues too and may have said things they consider harsh.

Whilst comms can be challenging for those with ASD, your husband has a responsibility to behave appropriately and take on feedback. I’m not sure what A2W would offer in this scenario, but he should apply alongside talking to his employers about support he needs. (Many employers will fund adjustments rather than A2W).

No it is discriminatory as I’m sure they would treat other employees the same.

If he wants reasonable adjustments due to a condition or disability, he will need to supply his workplace with an official diagnosis.

They can't be held to be retrospectively discriminatory for anything they did before the diagnosis was disclosed.

Is DH in a union who can help him navigate all this?

He needs to write a formal letter disclosing his diagnosis and asking for reasonable adjustments for how to adapt the normal ways of working to allow DH to achieve the function of his job without coming in for criticism for not being neurotypical.

The letter should include something along the lines of "When I got this diagnosis on (date) I didn't believe it was necessary to communicate that to you as I believed I was able to achieve everything required in my job without any adjustments. However, many of the concerns raised at my recent performance review boil down to effectively people recognising that I do not interact with people in the way that neurotypical people do. This is not something I will be able to change therefore it is not appropriate for anything related to these issues to be part of any performance management process. None of this affects my ability to do the core functions of my job to a high standard and I hope to continue doing so."