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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's who you know, not what you know

133 replies

mirrormirror5 · 06/12/2024 07:49

Wanted to get peoples thoughts on this.

I was reflecting the other morning on my career path and it saddened me somewhat.

I grew up as an academically gifted working class girl from a single parent household. No dad around whatsoever. I always had the somewhat naive belief that you could be anything you wanted to, if you worked hard and put your mind to it.

Fast forward to my university years, I excelled in a subject that I was very passionate about but I've since learnt is seen as a 'posh persons subject'. Note the very well to do people on my course...
I just didn't understand social hierarchy at that age and always believed I was worthy to be in the room.

I had a PT job all through uni and saved enough so I could do a series of highly coveted (unpaid) internships in London. I've always supported myself financially.

Then it all starts to go a bit tits up.

Great feedback but overlooked for 'friends of a friends' child at every interview opportunity. Applying for advertised roles where they always already had someone in mind, usually an old school friend etc.

It got to a point where the debt from trying was too much and I took a well paid graduate job in a relatively boring industry and left my passion behind. I'm still in that industry years later and I feel a bit sore about the whole thing

I understand that connections are important in all walks of life and at some point, most people benefit from knowing someone and getting a foot in the door. I'm also not deluded to think I would be successful for every interview, but this really was getting ridiculous.

But AIBU to believe that certain opportunities are closed to WC young people, regardless of their abilities and work ethic?

My husband and I are passionate about state schooling for future children but part of me thinks about the opportunities they might get through private education and making 'the right' connections. I guess everyone makes the most of the opportunities they've got.

OP posts:
hagchic · 06/12/2024 09:07

I think you're right.

It's not just financial though, or down to who you know.

It's also about understanding that it's happening rather than being utterly baffled by the expectation that you will work for free and the realisation that this is impossible for you, but not for others.

State school often do a fantastic job at preparing children for university and obtaining the grades to get there.

However they are not very good at advising people on the 'next bit' and the processes involved so may encourage students into careers/onto courses that they will not be able to progress further in.

Norma27 · 06/12/2024 09:04

I’m pleased my daughter went to state school. In some ways I think it can make uni applications better as to get top grades there is arguably harder.
Good luck to you and any future children you have.

Screamingabdabz · 06/12/2024 09:04

YANBU. Class bias is real and the disadvantage to working class people is significant and totally under the radar. It’s the last form of acceptable and lawful discrimination. Depressing.

Original poster
mirrormirror5 · 06/12/2024 08:59

Norma27 · 06/12/2024 08:55

I think it depends.
I had a background a bit like yours and I got into a russel group uni to study law then worked at a big 4 firm. No contacts etc.
i left that and then went back to it almost 20 yrs later which was because I had a friend as a partner at a different firm and he persuaded me to send in my cv.
My daughter went to a state school in a bad area and is now studying at Oxford. I’m sure contacts she makes there will help her in the future.
Knowing people in the right places definitely helps. I think others can make it too but need a lot of determination and a lot of luck too.

That's brilliant. I have a few friends who have been very successful in law, it does seem to be some of those careers where hard really pays off.

OP posts:
Norma27 · 06/12/2024 08:55

I think it depends.
I had a background a bit like yours and I got into a russel group uni to study law then worked at a big 4 firm. No contacts etc.
i left that and then went back to it almost 20 yrs later which was because I had a friend as a partner at a different firm and he persuaded me to send in my cv.
My daughter went to a state school in a bad area and is now studying at Oxford. I’m sure contacts she makes there will help her in the future.
Knowing people in the right places definitely helps. I think others can make it too but need a lot of determination and a lot of luck too.

PerditaLaChien · 06/12/2024 08:52

Yanbu. I steer my children away from these careers.

Catza · 06/12/2024 08:45

Yes, some industries are gatekeeping not only through nepotism but also through practice of unpaid internships which, for obvious reasons, are only accessible to people with a significant safety net. This is particularly true in creative and media industries but I am sure there are plenty more examples of industries that I haven't personally experienced.
My friends had their kids in a public school and, yes, the guys are doing great after finishing their education surrounded by well-connected peers. They are not quite out of teens and already have opportunities thrown at them at every corner. Lovely kids and a massive well done to them.
I found something else I loved (retrained in my late thirties) which is not a high-flying profession but I absolutely love what I do nonetheless.

AloneLike · 06/12/2024 07:54

YANBU.

As to your DC, it's for you to decide whether you want to be part of perpetuating this system by buying into it - I don't mean that harshly, of course the system won't stand or fall on your choice, but would it leave a sour taste for you if your DC later succeed via the 'old boys network'?

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