Badly behaved child at funeral

Oh dear, they should have taken her out.

I took my eldest to our last family funeral, but left her 2 brothers at home as they were too young to reliably behave (3yo twins).

Childcare can be tricky - I took eldest to one when she was 4 months old as she was ebf and it was 4 hours drive away so am overnight stay. But nearby and with childcare there isn't an excuse.

SIL should as stayed at home with her. They should have pre-empted this behaviour.

For what it's worth this behaviour would have been equally inappropriate at a Christening or a Wedding. It's not ok to let your child make an exhibition of themself at a ceremony for other people. It's completely different to letting them sit on the floor with a book or colouring.

The best funerals begin with tears and end with laughter.

Bloody hell. Some parents are absolutely pathetic.

You may not know the full story.
Perhaps the parents planned to leave her in care and were pressured into bringing her by another family member. Perhaps they knew taking her out of the church would result in an epic tantrum. Perhaps someone whispered to them whilst the cartwheels were happening how nice it was to see something joyous and so they were conflicted.
It’s difficult to always make the right choice in the moment.
A bit of Grace goes a long way.

I remember being taken to a funeral when I was little. I was warned beforehand not to laugh and then that’s all I could focus on so much so that I ended up laughing. I felt rubbish about it for the longest time afterwards. But really I shouldn’t have been taken to the funeral. I didn’t even know the deceased.
I bet that poor girl knows she misbehaved and now feels terrible. Something she doesn’t get to ‘do over’ and will now have to live with this memory.

I would have found it a welcome distraction.
I always feel completely numb at funerals, like my brain switches off, and then the tears come afterwards.

I wouldn't have seen it as disrespectful. It would have been confusing for a five year old seeing adults upset, and she probably didn't know how to deal with it so distracted herself with her cartwheels (on a side note it's quite impressive that a five year old can do cartwheels).

When I was five, my parents took me to my aunty's funeral (she was only 25 when she died).
I couldn't process any of it, and it scared me to see all the adults around me so distraught. I kept looking at the coffin and asking if my aunty was really in there.
When it came to the burial, I just couldn't deal with it and my instinct was to just run away from it all. I ran and ran.

Incredibly disrespectful. They should parent better and stop her ruining events for others especially funerals! The rest of the family managed to only take children who they were sure could sit nicely and when you were unsure you had a plan to quickly remove your son. It's not hard. I would have liked to think the grandparents of that child would have said something too!

Funerals aren't for the deceased though are they? They are for the living.

Ok. I don't miss the people I loved who aren't here anymore

You must realise that's unusual.

As others have said, they should have taken her out and explained to her in simple terms why this was not appropriate. Long term they are not helping her and one day she may learn a harsh lesson that she is not the centre of attention especially at significant events such as a funeral.

I went to my first funeral at the age of four and knew how to behave. Your niece sounds like a badly brought up brat.

There’s a difference between ‘some tolerance’ and rudeness though. ‘Some tolerance’ would be a child figiting, or asking their mum what was going on. Continuing doing gymnastics throughout the service, and not being removed from the situation is poor parenting.

This isn't about the age of there deceased person, it's about the bad behaviour of the child at what should be a respectful occasion.

Obviously someone of 102 had had a good life {good genes}

Your grandmother invited the children. The children came. If you're going to invite 5 year olds there needs to be some tolerance for poor behaviour.

Ok. I don't miss the people I loved who aren't here anymore. I'm very glad that we had the time we had together. That is in the past. I'm just enjoying the time I have with the people that are still here.

I will not cry for my parents. I love them very much and we have a great relationship, but I'm absolutely prepared for them not to be here anymore. They're both in their 80s and hale and hearty, they've had a good life. I'd much rather they went suddenly than the slow fade.

And if someone did cartwheels in front of their coffin I'd laugh.

I don't think we do death very well in this country.

I think it is fine to call the child (even though only 5) a badly behaved brat and also to point out to the parents that she was doing that because she wasn't being parented, or only in a wishy-washy and ineffectual way.

Yes, I'd let my feelings on this be known if the "parent" was my sibling. Why not?

I don't mind children of any age at weddings or funerals provided that they are well behaved and/or parented properly (taken out if necessary too).

Cartwheels or any other such theatrics in the church during the service is totally inappropriate and disrespectful behaviour which should have been stopped immediately, with the child probably removed from the church.

That's appalling and I'd have been furious. Especially as she's five - she's not a bloody baby. Her parents should have taken her out if her behaviour was that bad.

Whilst I don't like inappropriate or bad behaviour from a young child, what I really don't like is their parent or parents not doing something about it. Which in this case would have been taking the child out of the church for a while.

It's so commonplace for parents to allow their kids to stick fingers in food - when you think of threadworms , the last thing one wants is a kid's dirty fingers {that have probably been up a nostril minutes beforehand} poking about in communal food.

There is a drinking water dispenser near us in a cafe and the amount of kids who are allowed to play with this is gross. Poking fingers upon into the tap bit.

Here is a display of ''gentle parenting'' - eg, parents do naff all.

If they knew their daughter was unlikely to sit through a church service (which in fairness a lot of 5 year olds wouldn't), then one of the parents should have stayed outside with her. A 5 year old will find it hard to understand what 'death' is, or what a funeral is and certainly would have no clue how to behave during one! As soon as their daughter started her gymnastics display, one of the parents should have taken her out. I have to assume this was a school day? It would have been better to have sent her to school and continued with normal childcare, especially as they only live 45 minutes away. When my cousin passed away in 2015, my son was 4. My husband sat outside the church in the car for a while with our son, and then took him for a walk. I didn't even entertain the idea of him attending. He was too young and didn't really understand. My son did come to the Wake afterwards at a nearby hotel. Your niece's behaviour was disrespectful, but that wasn't her fault but her parents as they allowed it to continue throughout the service.

I lost my grandparents as a child and I still sometimes have moments where I miss them and feel sad.

102 year-old? Nah.

Disrespectful tbh.

I lost my first husband in our 20's, I can still think losing a 102 year old is sad and should be respected.

An elderly member of the family dying who has been a consistent in everyone lives is something to be sad about.

Lots of this thread really demonstrates why so many children have no idea what behaviour is acceptable.

Presumably said 6 year old goes to school and therefore can behave for 30 mins at a time to sit in assembly/carpet time etc? So why can a child of 5!!!!! Sit for a short time at a funeral! And if she really can’t don’t bring her or take her out!