Badly behaved child at funeral

Well death is a sad thing, like it or not.

That's not the point really though. People were joining together to remember a loved one, listening to the music readings or whatever. Some of these people were close relatives of the deceased, probably emotional, probably nervous, had put thought into what they were going to say. It's disrespectful to them to cause a scene and distract from the service. Presumably this child didn't care or understand what it was all about.

Silly behaviour is fine at home, outside, at playtime, even in child friendly church services. It's not unreasonable to expect an hour of sitting quietly on a very occasional basis. Not the child's fault but makes the parents appear very selfish and attention seeking

an independant woman at 5? poor kid doesnt stan a chance with those parents

Instead of referring to your DN as a "badly behaved brat", maybe see where culpability lies, which is with the useless parents.
And, if the rest of you are so feeble as not have intervened, then you're all enablers.

Neither our vicar nor the church warden would have stood for this crap. She would have paused proceedings and taken the situation in hand. Totally inappropriate and disrespectful behaviour in a church at any time, let alone a funeral.
I am fuming for you OP. You have lost your grandad and deserved one final time to pay your respects to him without someone else making it all about her.

If that is actually true.

I pity you @bizzybeing.

Eugh.

Yes this is appalling of the parents. I would expect a child of 3 or up to sit still for an hour to be honest, maybe not silent but keep on or very near their seat. And if course if they don't, take them out straight away.

Something a bit similar (but obviously not as bad) happened to us last Christmas, we went to church on Christmas day and it was a very beautiful but formal, adult service, nothing for kids at all, which we didn't realise as usually there's a nod to them. We sat at the front and my 2 kids aged 2 and 4 were sitting nicely with a few toys and colouring bits but my nieces aged 5 and 7 apparently can't be expected to sit for 40 minutes so my brother in law their dad was actually lying down on the floor of the church with them. Urgh so embarrassing. Actually the problem here is the dad not the kids as they were fine on this occasion, although they are also the run around in restaurants type. They are from London where expectations of child behaviour seem to be much lower than up here!

The fact that they didn’t perhaps suggests the behaviour in question wasn’t particularly disruptive.

Lolz.

As if your brother described his five year old as 'an independent young woman'.

In things that also didn't happen last week...

I don't know. I'm not a 'gentle parent' my children are late teens now and know how to behave.

BUT, I'm actually more tolerant of silly behaviour by children as I get older, it's never the child's fault. There's all manner of reasons for silly behaviour, I quite like silly behaviour rather than five year olds being solem because of death.

Awful one of her parents should have taken her out. In our family if the parents hadn't acted then one of the Aunts, Uncles or Grandparents would have stepped in and sorted it for them, likely me, dsis or dd who are known for firm boundaries, and they wouldn't have complained for being told the error of their ways. I know it's not like that in every family though. So sorry for the loss of your Grandad

I am surprised the vicar/person officiating the service didn’t ask her parents to take her outside.

But equally, surely they aren't considering anyone else and their grief? If I was emotional and upset because my grandfather had just passed away, I would hate having a small child dossing around the middle of the service and would be liable to snap at them and their parents. I suppose that would make me a bad person, but surely I also deserve consideration and leeway if I'm grieving too?

It doesn't matter if on this particular occasion Grandad would or wouldn't have liked it. You should be able to tell your children to sit down and be respectful for a short while if it is required, and if you can't, then you shouldn't bring them. I had a friend who let her daughter cartwheel around restaurants and the library, with the vague excuse "It's not hurting anyone", which it isn't - until it is. We're not friends anymore. Leaving your kids to behave badly because you can't manage them just because sometimes it's ok is just asking for a problem sooner or later.

Easy to say it but they probably both wanted to be there for the funeral. Sorry for your loss but cut people a bit of slack at times like this.

Yes, but that is exactly what the parents are making her. She does sound a show off. The parents should not have taken her.
I would also have a word with the parents saying that the behavior was inappropriate for the occasion.

I think that's terrible behaviour, someone should have either taken her to the back to sit down or outside. Our family vicar told someone off for being late and keeping everyone waiting at a small family service, she was known to always be late.

@EmraldSky I am on the fence with this one. the funeral was likely a celebration of life. I dont think its fair to leave a child at home if both parents wanted to attend. its unfair of you to refer to her as a brat. kids that age can be difficult. I have an almost 4yo and she has so much energy she runs around and gets excited by new places. Am i a bad parent for not telling her to keep still? I dont want to hold her down and dont want to shout as thats so damaging to a young child. removing her wouldnt have been easy either. I have been to weddings where I had had to remove her from the ceremony and wait outside. she cried, she screamed. its hard on the parents too. i'm not sure how different a 3.5 yo is from a 5 yo. i havent got there yet

Okay, as you haven’t a clue as you haven’t got there yet. A 5yo goes to school and is bound by appropriate behaviours there. They don’t do cartwheels down the aisle in assemblies or dances involving scarves because they know that the teacher will bump that on the head immediately and there will be repercussions. They behave appropriately, but there is some ‘wiggling’ that is expected. This child would not behave like this at school, but behaved like that in this setting (and I suspect similarly in many other settings outside school) because they know their parents will fully allow them to take the piss.

She’s five and did some cartwheels and twirling at a funeral. She didn’t get drunk and get into a fistfight on the altar mid-service. Why on earth would she be ‘feeling terrible’ or need to ‘live with the memory’? Are you perpetually haunted by your misdeeds from when you were five?

This^^ Funerals are no place for children.

YANBU. “We don’t do cartwheels at a funeral” should have been said. From the pulpit if necessary.

I'm all in favour of kids going to funerals and I don't expect them to be quiet all the time but doing cartwheels at a funeral is ridiculous. So sorry for your loss.

Good point At least no one will forget the funeral. Let it go

In an ideal world the child's parents should have removed her at the first inkling of circus exhibitionism.
Sorry for your loss. Your family, as well as your grandfather, are very fortunate that he lived a long long life.

It might help to move on if you think of Grandad chuckling at the wee girl. Did he like her concerts when she came to visit?

@PaleBrunette So what if the child might have had an epic tantrum? At five, she is still small enough to be picked up and carried out far enough away from the service to not be heard. I realise that most five year olds probably won't have attended funerals before and won't really understand death, but it certainly isn't too young to understand that when your parents tell you that you are to sit quietly, not talk, and sit still for less than an hour, you bloody well do as you are told!