Badly behaved child at funeral

It’s awful behaviour and the parent should have left her at daycare or taken her outside. Too many children are left to run around feral these days. I’ve seen it in pubs, cafes, museums, shopping centres, and even in the middle of the road at times, while their parents just stand around watching.

What kind of man was your grandad? If he had a sense of humour, ask yourself if he’d have laughed at someone doing cartwheels at his funeral. If the answer is yes, then console yourself with knowing he’d have enjoyed his send off, and don’t let it bother you any more.

The granddad would have been 5 in 1927. In those days, people treated being in a church extremely seriously - strict etiquette about clothing and behaviour, nothing frivolous - no laughing, no whispering or fidgeting during the service - even a routine church service was a solemn occasion, let alone a funeral.

In those days, children were supposed to be 'seen and not heard' especially in public places and even less 'slack' would be given to children misbehaving than adults. Eating sweets in church would have been hugely taboo and turning cartwheels so far off what was acceptable that it would never even have been thought of.

I'm not advocating that attitude to children or solemn style of church service, but it's simply not accurate to say that a deceased 102 year old would have been the same as the OP's niece when he was 5 years old.

Why is it not good to call a 5 year old a brat if that's what they are being? 🤔

I would have been tempted to have taken her out myself...

Many moons ago, I missed a significant chunk of a friend's wedding because I was stuck outside with a cranky baby.... It's called consideration.

This is now beastly adults are made

Did other relatives say anything about the performance ?
I'm sorry OP..a time of remberance and celebration of a life well lived will always this mark over it

I wasn't aware that any funeral was invitation only and I've been to many. Of course if the service is not advertised it might reduce numbers but if Joe Bloggs found out and went to it he wouldn't be turned away. Same with the wake.

That was my thought too. I think children need funerals too but need preparing for the emotional impact. Sounds like she wasn’t prepared well enough.

The irony is these wet parents are actually harming their own children. They don’t seem to realise that in not parenting through fear of upsetting the kid the kid will then not know how to behave (this is a perfect example) and will go into the world and antagonise other adults. They will then be thought badly of and are likely to miss out on opportunities and experiences.

Remember primary school play dates for children with wet parents treating me like a servant as their mums let them treat them. Were no second invites and those kids not ones the other parents encouraged friendships with.

Weve been strict about how we are treated by ours so our teens are now delightful to us and others. Dd2 in particular has had so many brilliant experiences and 5 star holidays with other families as she is first choice as the friend to bring along for their own child.

I took my 4 alone (dh couldnt get time off of work) to my grandads funeral. They where 5,4, 2 and a new born.

I was a bit of a mess as he was more like my father than my grandfather. We lived an hours drive away. We ended up being late. Walked into the church late. Had to walk all the way through to the front.

Kids where quite well behaved as I tried to hid my embarrassment for being late.

They stood up and down as required and danced to a few hymns. The priest was lovely to them.

My family and other guests did not moan or say anything and came to see them all and give them a little hug/smile/chat after.

I apologised profusely to everyone and not one single person (all 80+ in age) apart from my uncles had an unkind word to say and said they where happy we where able to make it and didn't miss it for fear of upsetting other people.

Your niece was naughty. I'm sure your grandad wouldn't have minded if he was with us still.

Condolences, but I think grief is making your annoyance worsen. Leave it be

Awful. Just awful.

My nana and my uncle has their funerals 2 days apart and about 300 miles from where we live. I took my 19 year old (she drove us), my 7 year old and my 3 year old - the 17 year old couldn't make it as she had her A levels. I prepared my younger dc well and they both behaved impeccably during the services. I would have removed them immediately if they hadn't, I did have to give the 3 year old a look at one point!
They were a bit excitable during the wakes but I'm from Liverpool and it wasn't a big deal. During the service though would not have been acceptable!
I have been to too many funerals and have never seen any disrespectful behaviour during any service.

I'm sure your GD loved the display. It probably made him chuckle.

Why we think children will behave in a somber way is beyond me.

I would have directed her to do her show at the back and not down the aisle, don't get me wrong, but stopping a child being a child....

Having said all that, I would not bring children to a funeral emotionally it's taxing for adults. Children don't have the emotional capabilities of adults so the event either goes over their heads (as in the case of yoyr DN) or is bewildering and so they are the behaviour of adults.

I think she should have been removed, but I’d ask yourself whether your grandfather would have wanted her behaviour at his funeral, be the cause of a rift in the family?

Zero discipline. Zero parenting skills. Imagine her at 16.

Maybe your DB and/or SIL are autistic?

I took my then three year old to my mum's funeral and she ate a bag of sweets throughout 😊
I would have told a five year old to sit down and sit still, but they're five, so I wouldn't still be raging about it later. Your grandad was 5 once too, it's almost nice to think of it that way, and imagine the little boy 90 odd years ago. Sorry for your loss.

Told him not to be so silly? Well i hope you explained to him after that if he felt sad he felt sad and she was wrong to tell him not to be sad. Terrible to tell children they don't feel what they feel. You acknowledge what they are felling you don't dismiss it. She sounds like my unhinged mother who couldn't understand why my FIL was really upset at my MIL's funeral.

One of my cousin's children was running up and down the aisle during my Grandad's funeral a few years ago. And whilst a few people were annoyed my Grandma (his wife of 70 years) actually told my cousin not to stop her because my Grandad would have loved watching her have so much fun, rather than seeing everyone crying!

I guess my point is ultimately what did your Grandma or Mum say; and possibly most importantly what would Grandad have thought.

Exactly. It's one where you brief your child isn't it. You explain what's happening so they aren't scared when they see adults crying and talk about the process and how we sit respectfully and listen and then there's a celebration after.

I can see this would be upsetting for many people. It’s important that children are taught how to modify their behaviour depending on situation and circumstances, even if they have SEND. They should have been supported with that by their parents.

However, nothing you can do about it and the time has passed. Probably best to let it go.

No wonder schools have such problems. Too much soft and inadequate parenting

I was referring rather to the parents’ attitude in allowing the child’s behaviour, which in itself was ‘bad’ only because of the occasional and location.
Of course I’ve seen infinitely brattier brats..

Crap parenting for allowing the child's poor behaviour.
The funeral is for respecting and remembering the deceased not allowing a child to play up to an audience.
Shame on the parents!
They need to put some boundaries in place .