Badly behaved child at funeral

Honestly, I think I’d probably have instinctively told her off myself if her parents didn’t. Unbelievably disrespectful and inappropriate behaviour.

Would they allow her to carry on at a wedding, or a christening? I’d have to say something.

Next time you see her, say sternly, 'Niece, I hope you are going to behave better than you did at [name's] funeral? You were really naughty then!' Her parents will probably never speak to you again, but it would be worth it!

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour !
A 5 year old can be taught to be quiet and sit down during a funeral !!
And if they can’t , then one of the parents needed to remove the child

What would your grandad have thought?

I'd be happy to have children dancing etc at my funeral, rather that than a somber affair. But realise that many, many others would hate that.

If it was upsetting people then yes one of them should have taken her out.

If the child has never been taught boundaries (because that requires effort), they would have little concept of appropriate behaviour in many situations. It is like people who bring their kids to a restaraunt and let them treat it like a playground, spoiling the atmosphere for other people, one or two who might not have the chance to dine out very often.

Yes, one of the parents should have removed her / knowing her behaviour possibly not bought her. It’s so difficult sometimes, I am so sorry.

Incredible disrespectful and one of her parents should have taken her outside. It’s not unreasonable for a five year old to be fidgety in a formal situation but if you insist on bringing them, one of her parents should be prepared to take her outside at the first sign of movement.

Sorry for your loss. I would have a word with the parents but maybe after some of the immediate grief has passed. If they don’t have the common sense or self awareness to take her outside then they do need to be told that her behaviour was upsetting.

Because brats aren’t born, they are made and if you label the child it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. She isn’t a brat. She is five year old, in a stressful and emotional situation who may be hadn’t been prepared for it and may be hadn’t had the right input prior to that to help her to regulate. 5 year olds are meant to be bouncy and fun. She needed something to do or to be taken outside. Don’t blame and label a child for being childlike!

Absolutely, and that's not at all what I meant. And probably should have said that in my post as I did think someone would say that!

I just meant you would look at a five year old and think 'my grandad was once five too, with a whole life ahead of them'. And then went on to live to 102, what a long life!

Well said.

Besides anything I'd imagine it's a healthy and safety issue in most churches. They don't tend to have cartwheeling space.

Just because the deceased was elderly doesn't mean it's a "jolly" for the grieving adult children. My dad was blessed to live a long life, but he had been my beloved dad for 60 years..I was not in the mood for a "jolly" at his funeral and wound not have been impressed by some kid cartwheeling!

But possibly in an affectionate way, rather than some kind of mass shunning! I used to get reminded a lot of how I tore my First Communion dress climbing a tree and had to be presented to extended family in something hastily mended by a deeply unimpressed granny, but it’s just one in long line of ‘Remember when Uncle X crashed his moped into his FIL-to-be’s shop window’ and ‘Remember when Auntie Y was too mortified to tell her boyfriend her parents’ house only had an outdoor so, and let him go upstairs and they all sat listening to him opening and closing doors?’

I feel sorry for the child. If your family is anything like mine, she will be reminded of 'the time she did cartwheels at Grandad's funeral' for the rest of her life.

Arsehole parent syndrome.

@Saschka

I have 2 toddlers myself and I’m forever using snacks as a distraction, however not ones in rustly packaging or crunchy foods in a church 😂 It was quite entertaining for me but DH’s uncle (husband of the deceased) was a bit distracted by the noise.

Following this with interest and wondering what I would do if I were officiating at the funeral (as I do). I might let the child sit in my seat and involve her in some small way to keep her engaged. Whilst giving the parents meaningful looks, and assessing how (un)comfortable the other mourners were with the situation. Every funeral is different, and you have to think on your feet.

A 5 year old is a school age child, and therefore should be used to sitting and listening. The fault lies with the entitled parents, and I would be speaking to them.

Well, tbf, neither do you and "being a brat" certainly sounds like a strong contender.

Exactly. IMO, we should not shield children from death and funerals. In an age-appropriate way you explain that they will need to sit quietly in the church because many people are feeling sad, and this time is for people to spend thinking about the person they loved. You let them know that if they can't sit quietly for that time then someone will take them outside, or (if available) they can sit in the children's area at the back (where there is often colouring and cushions etc). Then after the church you will all go and get something to eat and drink and be able to talk and move about.
If a 5 year old is unable to follow those instructions then the parents need to make alternative arrangements or be prepared to leave the church.
We all understand that small children are learning and accept some disruption, but if they are not then taught what the expected behaviour is then you raise ill-mannered and entitled people.

My DD would cartwheel anywhere and everywhere if she could and she’s 9 and she’s not necessarily a show off - well
no more than most young kids. I just don’t allow her to cartwheel everywhere and anywhere. Blame lies with the parents, not the 5 year old.

It may be that that was the best way to keep him quiet for the service. A two year old isn’t going to understand what a funeral is or why they need to stay quiet.

I’d have no issue with snacks, colouring, or even an iPad (on silent!) for a toddler or preschooler if there was no way to leave them at home and it kept them quiet. An older child can absolutely behave themselves for 30 minutes - they manage it in school.

Dancing at the front of a funeral is 100% being a brat. And non-existent parenting.

Because they’re not being a brat. You don’t know why that child behaved this way.

The amount of people calling this kid a show off is unreal. My AuDHD daughter went through a phase of cartwheeling everywhere. She absolutely would do something like this at a funeral which is why she wouldn’t be there. She’s not a show off at all, far from it. She hates when people say things to her but she also has to move her body constantly.

Let’s not shame the kid but instead the parents for letting it happen at a funeral.