Badly behaved child at funeral

My friend's mother died a few years back and the same was said, children are welcome but not expected make your own decisions. My dad grew up with my friend's mum, our grandfathers were best friends (it's how we know each other), so my friend asked me to sit in the row behind the family on the end directly behind his then four year old. So if the child was distracted, too upset and didn't want to be there or just being inappropriate for a funeral the plan was I would take him out of the room, I had colouring stuff, a book and a new hot wheels in my bag to distract him if that happened. It didn't and he was very well behaved, but it was right there was a contingency plan in place. It's not appropriate for a funeral at all and ds turned six this week, I would expect him to know better in that situation and would've had a serious chat with him before hand about what a funeral is like and if he wanted to go. They were very unreasonable to bring her, allow her to delay the funeral and then do gymnastics!!!

What would your grandfather have thought?

It’s not ideal behaviour but like you presumably your brother had to weigh up the pros and cons of leaving a 5 year old and like you decided to bring them. A funeral is discombobulating for little ones - they don’t understand either the grief of others, the solemnity of the occasion or the distress that they may be causing.

I suspect there’s a back story given your reference to a 5 yr old as a brat - I don’t think that’s a normal reaction to a shall child.

Personal view should be no under 10s at all funeral anyway. For so many reasons.

I know a couple exactly like this. Let their kid behave so disrespectfully at formal occasions and think it’s “sweet”. The girl is now 9 and has no friends at school as the other kids shun her. Very sad for the girl and totally crap parenting.

however don’t let this overshadow your memories - your DGD may well have been laughing down from heaven at the ridiculousness of it all! Sorry for your loss and how blessed you all are to have him live to such an age.

I don't think young children should be taken to funerals, unless it's the very sad situation of an immediate family member dying.

Incredibly disrespectful. One of them should have taken her out, or left her at home knowing she wouldn’t behave

Very disrespectful of people who are there to mourn a loved one, not watch a child cartwheeling.

Did no-one tell the child to sit down, or tell her parents to get her?
In my family my mum, aunt or me would have told her she needs to sit down and would have told her parents to get her back in her seat!

This is awful behaviour. Probably not been told about the seriousness, sadness etc with funerals or how to behave.

I didn't attend my first funeral until I was 10. There were funerals in the family before but didn't attend as too young to understand or didn't know the person.

I would like to see you DB and his OH to apologise.

We had the funeral directors primed that if there were any unruly children at FILs funeral that they should encourage the parents and child to leave. We felt they'd be more subtle than my wife.

I'm sorry that your DB & SIL didn't have the sense they were born with to either tell their child to sit down or remove her.

I'm sorry for your loss - 102 is an amazing age and I'm sure you've got a lifetime of stories to share with your children as they get older.

Such poor parenting, kids like that grown up thinking that they are the centre of the universe and end up being quite dislikeable adults so it is a shame for the child.

I think some parents really want their kids to have high self esteem that they don't teach them that the whole world doesn't want to see them do a performance whenever they feel like it. I agree it was bad parenting and she obviously wasn't getting anything out of being there so should have been taken outside.

Not good to call a 5 year old a brat. But goodness knows why their parents didn't manage this situation though. What did your mum/dad feel as it was their parents funeral. I'd let it go as no point adding to the family upset. I think I'd have focussed on my own reason for being there and not on their parenting hopefully.

I wasn't allowed to go to my own mother's funeral as a very young child..I agree.

They should have removed her

Would you cartwheel at a cafe? in school? - no.

Sounds like a showoff.

Yes, that's pretty bad. But presumably the child is badly behaved at least partly because of the kind of ineffectual parenting demonstrated by this situation.

Yikes. Doing cartwheels at a funeral - literally. That will go down in family history.

Her parents should have taken her away.

Very disrespectful and I would be telling them this outright I’m afraid.

personally I don’t think a funeral is a place for children, but this goes over that and in to the realm of nasty. Who lets their kids do gymnastics whilst people are crying and distraught?

How would she know this if not from her parents? She’s probably never been to a funeral before.

I think a lot of people have absolutely no idea how to behave at funerals anymore. Can’t deal with a sad and formal event because everything is supposed to be fun and happy all the time. And if they thought about it at all, probably think their little darling was being cute and spreading joy rather than thinking people may not have found that helpful in their grieving.

A child of ten {edit 5} should know it's not appropriate to be showing off at a funeral. - I see the nephew was 10.

Ridiculous. I blame the parents

102 is a phenomenal age- you are lucky to have such long lived genes in the family.

The show off girl sounds a complete pain , and absolutely should have been taken out of the church.

No one wants to see her stupid cartwheels at a funeral.

They probably thought it was sweet. So annoying.
However would your Grandad have minded? Mine would have loved it 😁 he always loved a bit of chaos!

Just let it go, it was rubbish but pointless getting upset