Badly behaved child at funeral

But she's been in formal settings in school at the very least. This girl wouldn't get up in assembly whilst the headteacher is talking and start cartwheeling around.

Totally disrespectful. Are they practisers of gentle parenting by any chance? So they can’t control their child?

I feel sorry for your DN. Her behaviour sounds absolutely awful but her parents are truly at fault here for not dealing with it straight away. Now she looks like an insufferable little brat, when really it’s her parents totally ineffectual parenting at play.

I see this all the time. People let their children roam free in churches/funeral chapels. It's beyond me how they think it's acceptable behaviour.

Another point of view might be, that she reminded a few folks that life goes on and there is joy to be found.
I imagine there are some people would love the idea of people cartwheeling at their funerals!
I am sorry for your loss. Focus on healing and embrace your family for who they are (because they won't change... they will just drive you potty).

Poor behaviour but I'm not sure a funeral for a beloved 105 year old is a solemn, heart breaking event. He outlived all his contemporaries and his death can't have come as a shock.

My dear gran was 90 when she died and we had tears and laughter. A long life well lived is not a tragedy, it's a wonderful achievement. God speed to your glorious granddad.

Disgusting behaviour. The child should have been removed after the first warning

Put it this was I had lots of children at my wedding and made it clear that I had no problem with them dancing or singing our laughing or playing during the service yet only one did and my SIL took him out immediately despite me saying i was happy for them to be kids. But SIL told me afterwards that it was my day and not to be disrupted.

My point is a wedding is a happy time and doesn't really matter if kids are messing about but a funeral is a time to think about your loved one and if a child can't do that then they can't be there

At 5 years old she really should have known better to be able to sit still and her parents should have removed her if she was becoming an unwelcome distraction.

All I will say though - and maybe this is different because your grandad died at 102 after a full life and my example is from a 34 year old man who died by suicide - but when we were at my husband’s cousin’s funeral, the 2 year old walking up and down the rows of seats and posting orders of service through chairs was honestly an antidote. Her mum who was struggling with her grief and was alone as her partner had declined to attend didn’t have the capacity to parent and engage in the service, so she let her wander. When she apologised both me and my husband made sure to tell her that we didn’t mind at all and we had both watched her for a welcome break.

Could be a fork of behaviour management. Keep them occupied with eating to keep them quiet 😂

Awful, unacceptable behaviour. I’d have had to quietly/unobtrusively make my way over to DB and tell him to take her the fuck outside. Now, though, there’s nothing that can take it back or make it better, so try not to dwell. Hopefully there are no more funerals on the horizon but if there were, I’d be having a chat with DB first about how he plans to stop a repeat performance.

I know ministers who would ask the parents to remove the child before proceeding with the service. And if it was my grandchild I would have told them to remove them. At a funeral a few weeks ago with a number of great grandchildren who you would not have known where there. Youngest would have been 6.

What a shame that the funeral of a 102-year-old gentleman was marked by a 5-year-old's gymnastics display! It is incredibly disrespectful and it astonishes me what behaviours some parents think are acceptable. I would love to know what other family members think.

It makes the job of more responsible parents very difficult, when their well-behaved kids see someone getting away with being so naughty. Children always have a great sense of what is and isn't fair, so I'd be interested to hear their perspective on the situation too.

No, that's not on. I'd be really pissed off.

I thought that too, I'd love my future grandchildren to do that at my funeral. I wish funerals were more of a celebration of life than the somber and sad affairs they are. However, it's a time for the people who are left to grieve a loved one and they should be able to do that in the way they want to, peacefully and respectfully, so I do think this wasn't the place for the parents to let her do that.

So sorry for your loss. What a wonderful age to reach.

hugely disrespectful, I would have said something.

Having buried a beloved grandparent recently I am funing for you. I would have said something and would not be speaking to this part of the family for a long time. How dare the brat behave like that and how dare her parents let her. So sorry OP. Certainly no presents this Xmas. Spend the money planting a tree for your grandad instead or similar.

I have the sort of child that would do cartwheels in the front of the church if she was left to her own devices, I would either control her or not bring her. Awful behavior

Honestly nothing surprises me. I was in a beautiful 5 star resort in the Indian Ocean and at dinner a couple allowed their child to run around the buffet and dip their fingers into whatever they wanted. This brat then proceeded to sit cross legged on the floor whilst staff were trying to serve the other guests.

At one point the Mother got up I thought to remove the child but literally just stepped over them

A funeral is discombobulating for little ones - they don’t understand either the grief of others, the solemnity of the occasion or the distress that they may be causing.

Which is why they shouldn't be taken to funerals, unless it is an untimely loss they will be grieving and need to process, such as a parent or sibling.

doing cartwheels and twirling around waving a scarf over her head
Would great-grandad have enjoyed it?
Funerals are often far too solemn and po-faced. My in-laws (not so much my side) are a huge family and whatever the event (hatches, matches, dispatches) there are always children of varying age. A reminder at a funeral that it's about a life well lived.

No. But a 5 year old would!

I would have found that absolutely distressing.
The parents of the child were showing total disrespect: not only to your dear Granddad but to all of those there to mourn his passing.

Is every family occasion the dn show? If not yet it will be going forward... How tiresome...

The fact that they have one child you describe as being an angel suggests that they aren't bad parents, although every child is different, so some parents may have been lucky enough to have had a calm firstborn and a completely different second child and can be out of their depth as what worked with one doesn't work with the other. One of them should have taken her out of the church as that isn't appropriate behaviour at a funeral and they need to implement some strategies to manage this kind of behaviour effectively because their child needs to learn how to behave in social situations.

The child is five and having taught kids that age they are very young, lack emotional maturity and wouldn't understand the gravity of their behaviour in that particular situation. It's on the parents, not the young child. I personally don't agree with calling children brats and showoffs etc at that age as they lack impulse control and social skills, which is developmentally normal. That's where parenting skills come in to teach and guide them. Some kids are quiet, some are rambunctious, some have their moments when they get overwhelmed, some are ND unbeknown to the family at that age, so they are just behaving and reacting without thinking, there's no malice in it.

Sorry for your loss. This sounds like something my late grandfather would have found hilarious, however the parents should obviously have known better and taken the child outside. DH’s aunt died a few years ago and his cousin literally brought a packed lunch for her 2 year old child (the deceased’s grandson) to eat in the church during the service. We were sitting behind them and watched with amazement as they were crunching on Pringles, vegetable sticks etc, I think there was even a frube. They hadn’t travelled far and it was a fairly short service.