Badly behaved child at funeral

Exactly.

A very elderly dying is fine and dandy.

A child? No. That's a horrible funeral. One you don't want to attend.

A 102 year-old? That's a jolly.

That's so disrespectful and her parents need to learn some parenting skills, if they don't buck their ideas up they're going to end up with one hell of a teenager.

Not ok. One of the parents should have taken her outside if she couldn’t sit still.

I mean by 'untimely' that the parent or sibling of a young child living their expected lifespan would not die while the child was young.

In other words, the early death of an immediate family member isn't to be compared with the death of an elderly relative when considering whether to take a child to a funeral; and no one (with a heart) would judge a small child's behaviour at their parent's/sibling's funeral.

I'm a bit conflicted here.

A 102 year old's funeral isn't really a sad occasion, it's quite happy that a person lived that long and has lots of family there to celebrate their life.

So, not a solem meeting.

And, in some ways, a GGGC pissing about? If I was the deader, I'd quite like that.

HOWEVER, it is a funeral, and 'appropriate behaviour' .

I don't know. I find funerals very odd in terms of how one should behave. I've been to a lot of funerals.

I have said to my family, I want renting and weeping and throwing oneself in the grave.

We're all going to die, I'd like funerals to be more comedic. I'd go to more funerals if they were comedy.

Yikes. I'm surprised no one else swooped in and took her out. I would have faced the wrath of my sibling if I took it upon myself to take my niece out if she doing cartwheels in church and her parents didn't stop her.
While I agree entirely that children bring a breath of hope to solemn events, the actual funeral service in a church is absolutely NOT the place.

I would suggest the bad behaviour was by the parents. They knew she was unlikely to appropriately manage it and then one of them should have taken her out when she started being silly. They set her up to fail and ruined things for everyone else.

We went to one of DH's friends funerals last year, and his grandson was there aged 3. It was actually really charming that he was wandering round, having a chat to everyone and it really lightened the mood. When they showed photos of his granddad, he shouted "grandpa" out and it brought a tear to everyone's eye. They also brought the family dog and he walked in front of the hearse. It just gave everyone a real sense of the close family that they all were/are. It was a sad death (late 60s) but they made the funeral into a huge celebration of the life he'd had.

But holding up a funeral procession is one of those things that you just don't do. I'd be more cross with them for that tbh.

As long as the OP would be quite happy for her boys to be called a brat when they misbehave ( which they will as all children do at some point). The behaviour was awful but I think that’s a horrible way to describe your niece especially when the boy is described as an angel which I bet he isn’t all of the time.

Exactly.

I daresay the parents wish they hadn't taken her and gave her a good telling off when back home, but it's over now. The little girl will grow up and know how to behave appropriately in time.

I hope her mum doesn't read this, she will be mortified more than she is already.

Granddad may well have been delighted at his li little great-grand enjoying herself, he did live to 103 after all and had seen it all before, bless him.

It's very telling that not one person at the funeral felt able to have a word with DB and SIL about their child's behaviour while it was happening. Normally there's at least one with the gumption to intervene. I was thinking same as a PP, that the nephew is a calm and biddable child who's been no trouble to his parents, while his younger sister is likely a lot more difficult and stroppy or prone to tantrums if she's told no.

I could imagine a toddler behaving so inappropriately but a five year old is a different kettle of fish, they should have some idea of how behaviour has to be moderated at different times - I can't believe school would allow her to do cartwheels and scarf whirling in an assembly, for example. Either way, parents should have appraised her beforehand on what she should and shouldn't do and stopped her when she stepped out of line. It's their job...

Not fair to have the child be called a brat, the whole thing is on the ineffective parents. She wouldn't get dressed, one parent waits with her and the other goes on. Prewarning like you did, and take out if unable to sit. It's not rocket science.
I find it strange, as an Irish person, that people say no children at funerals. Mine were there at 4 and 7 and again at 7 and 10 for my DPs and they were wonderful throughout. The older one did the offertory both times and the youngest sat cuddled into me the whole time. However, they are used to the church and expected behaviours. This little girl wasn't clearly and her parents haven't helped her.

Odd decision to bring the child with them if they’ve got routine childcare in place.

I’m the first to say kids should be at funerals, can never figure out why people are reluctant. Death is a part of life and it should be normal they people are exposed to that since birth.

Having said that, I think everyone has to be accepting of a certain level of normal baby/kid behaviour BUT if beyond that they should be taken out. What you have described, I would have taken my kids out, or any kids I was ‘minding’ on behalf of bereft parents.

My favourite memory of kids and funerals was a baby who honestly let out the loudest fart it was heard all over the chapel. Everyone cracked up and the whole place was rocking with laughter, and they had to break until everyone was composed. That’s life. That’s death. And it’s normal they come together like this. That’s different to bratty behaviour as you describe which people wouldn’t appreciate at a bbq let alone a funeral.

Couldn't have said it better.

Reading some of the replies I'm reminded why I dislike funerals..
We were planning on doing some life admin over the xmas break, starting to think about PoA and wills, etc. I think I need to add a condition to my last wishes, making sure there's a prize fund for Best Cartwheel at my funeral.

Classic crap parenting there. Let me guess, outside of the funeral, your DB and SIL are glued to phones?

This was my thought too. Totally appreciate it's not ideal but children at a funeral is a tricky one. As an adult I find the outpouring of grief uncomfortable so it's little wonder that small children may act out, and at 5 I would hope most people could forgive the child at least, even if not the parents who I agree should have intervened.

What can be done though after the fact? Imo it's not worth a family row, yanbu for feeling a certain way about it, but yabu for labelling a 5yo a brat

That is difficult - your mother decided to allow the presence of children and I am sure she knew how this child was. And I am sure she loves her great niece. It is very unfortunate that she is being brought up without boundaries, but some children find it harder to grasp that concept than others, and I never judge parents who may be dealing with things that our outside my experience.

It is unfortunate that she played up at the funeral. Did it greatly interfere with the proceedings? Was she making a lot of noise? Sometimes the presence of young people simply being young people is a positive at an old person's funeral. A reminder of the beginnings of life.

I know that having my GC at my DH's funeral was a big plus for me. They were wonderfully frank and open and fresh and honest in the context of people trying hard to say and do the right thing. But - the two smallest were not brought to the church but just to the wake.

I don’t understand your use of untimely in your post.

I took my 10mth old to my grandmothers funeral (I’d had to travel from overseas and if i attended she had to attend) she was unsettled and cried, I took her out and the priest came and got me and said something about us all being part of the rich tapestry of life and to go back in. I think that’s a good sentiment to apply where possible.

Why can't you call a brat a brat? All this pussy-footing around children.
someone from the family should be having a strong word with the
OPs DB about being a) late for the service and b) allowing his brat to behave brattishly

That is such shite parenting and it is no wonder the child behaves so badly because the parents behave badly. I cannot tell you the amount of times DH and I had to eat separately in restaurants because of our child’s behaviour. He has ASD and early years was a total as you say menace. But we did not inflict his behaviour on everyone around us. DH eats I feed wayward child. DH walks aimlessly around while I eat etc etc. That was the same for weddings, visits with relatives you name it. Some people are just so shit at considering others, it never ceases to amaze me.

Neither the time or the place! Cartwheels at the wake after maybe… If someone had been doing cartwheels at my DFs funeral service I would have been appalled. I would have stopped them.

Her parents should have removed her - but I am also not sure why another adult did not set in and encourage her to sit down. I would have!

I wouldn't be calling her a 'brat' tbh. She's 5 years old and unless she has been to funerals before, found herself in a very different environment - surrounded by sad, emotional people. Her behaviour was inappropriate and she needed to be parented at that point. She wasn't. The blame lies fairly and squarely with her parents. The fact that other older children were a delight is irrelevant.