Badly behaved child at funeral

Nobody said anything though and just tolerated it. This would have driven me insane at any of my grandparents actual funeral service regardless of whether it was a celebration of life. I will never get to hear their voice or have a cwtch again and I was upset. Yes children need to move etc but the parents need to realise it’s not appropriate for the setting and taken her somewhere to move.

speak up and say something as you didn’t get the chance to make your peace at the funeral as it was distracting.

Absolutely appalling lack of parenting, how disrespectful. Idiotic, lazy parents like this, think the world revolves around their over indulged child.

If she was doing gymnastics at the back I might have let it slide but definitely not at the front.

There is a MASSIVE difference between being buttoned up and sad, and a child doing cartwheels and scarf waving at the front of the church for the duration of the service. I stand by what I said, if you want a dance performance for your funeral you should make your wishes known because it's very unconventional during a church funeral service. These sorts of things would be discussed with the celebrant as part of the funeral plans.

Sound like a ‘love me love my kid’ sort of couple. Not a lot you could do about it at the time and it’s over now. Try to put it behind you.

The kid sounds insufferable and the parents too. It's people like that them who give all parents a bad name. However I am not someone who thinks funerals need to be done a certain way or that kids don't belong there or should be silent. I would be happy for children to attend any family funeral that I was at and to move around a bit and ask questions. Death is a part of life. I would draw the line at gymnastics though!

What appalling behaviour - by the parents! Of course they are responsible for their child's behaviour. They, the parents, are an utter disgrace. That poor child, being brought up to believe that they can behave however they like, when ever they like, where ever they like! Life is not like that.
(I pause for a moment to imagine the quality of learning that would've happened had I apolied that "logic' to my Primary school classrooms.)
Parents, one of the most important things your vital role involves is to socialise your children. This means, to enable the child become a decent, considerate member of a civilised society, a process cannot begin too early.
It doesn't mean adopting the role of The Genie of the Lamp.
A 5 year old is perfectly capable of sitting still, of being quiet, of understanding that different situations require different behaviour.
What a shame some parents think that all children can do, indeed should be expected to do, is whatever they fancy at that moment.

I agree with the word 'brat', but the fault lies squarely with the parents.
When ours were young children, I took the youngest out of the cinema during Ratatouille because, even though it was a children's film, I didn't think it was fair that he kept running down the aisle.

I think you are letting it get to you too much.

I believe parents have never told their girl what a funeral is - purpose and content and don't say no/don't do this.

There were a lot of children at my uncle's funeral, including his 7gc, and it was open casket with everyone meeting at his daughter's house - with the open coffin at one end of the room. My youngest 2 were 3 and 7 at the time, it was their second funeral that week as my gm's funeral had been 2 days earlier. I think it's healthy to involve children in weddings and funerals.

Nobody iss blaming the child, just the parents.

@Porcuporpoise thank you. I may have been a bit harsh to the poster and I do agree that funerals are also a celebration of a long life... we had some laughter amongst the tears when we recalled the daft things dad did when he was younger....but unruly children seem a step too far! And the attitude of some people of "oh well they've had a long life, I don't care, it's the kids that matter" makes me fearful of assisted dying being brought in! (I may be being paranoid here!)

I went to my first funeral at nine. No one “told” me how to behave but the mood was sombre and people were crying. I didn’t need to be told not to do gymnastics at the front of the church!

@Radamanth I questioned it, and she affirmed it.

Bollocks you did. You said "in things that never happened..." you called her a liar/fantasist/making it up.

That's not questioning. That's being insulting saying she made it up.

You know fine well what you're doing on this thread. If you're getting some kind of kick out of being deliberately gross to people, I hope you sort yourself out in future.

Oh you know you are. Stop stirring.

Omg. I despair of people like this. How awful for you all. Frozen songs? Fucking hell, cringing for those parents.

Sums it up succinctly

YANBU. I believe there are times and places for things and a funeral is not the time nor the place to do cartwheels, especially not if the deceased himself would not have enjoyed them! When my parents passed away my own young children were told what was expected of them and they were ready to behave, but my sister wisely decided that her children of a similar age were not yet ready … so she left them home. I am still grateful that she did - it simply was the right decision. Sorry to hear your DB and SIL could not make the right decision themselves and could not even take their DD outside for some fresh air. (I would leave it for now though, as what’s done is done. But I would raise it if there was another funeral anytime soon. Of course I hope there won’t be!)

Firstly, I think that 5yo is quite young to attend a funeral. I wouldn't have had a clue what it was all about at that age, and I'm certain that I wouldn't have taken my own dc at that age. Why set them up for failure if it can be avoided? I agree that funerals are for older children.

Secondly, I completely agree that the parents are to blame - firstly for taking her, and then for not taking her out of the service.

But, a 5yo 'show off brat'? Children that age have had absolutely no exposure to funerals and many haven't experienced death. Why and how would they know how to behave unless it is explained to them? My first funeral was my nan's when I was 12. It haunts me still. I had no idea what to expect and nobody explained it to me. I remember waiting for the hearse to arrive at my nan's house and seeing a small pink football she played with with me in her garden. So i picked it up and tried to take it with me, because I thought we'd never be returning to her house, didn't know what the process was, assumed i could put it somewhere safe and just knew I wanted that football to remind me of her. My parents snapped at me "why are you taking that?! Don't be silly, put it down!" I was absolutely mortified.

What I'm saying is that adults don't often think like children do. They're unable to put themselves in their child's situation and see things from their perspective, experiencing something for the first time and finding it confusing, not knowing what will happen, why and when. Especially in times of grief, where the child is not the centre of things for a brief time. I was 12 and still lacked this understanding - and I've never spoken to anyone about how I felt on that day. That 5yo little girl, your niece, needs adults who will explain these things, set expectations, help them prepare and an understanding that they're experiencing something for the first time. Adults seem to assume that young children emerge from the womb knowing what happens at a funeral and how to behave, and why.

And if this is standard behaviour for this little girl, then the adults in her life need to look at the causes. And that could be their own failure.

It's done now. If your parents or their siblings have an issue they can raise it with them. Otherwise, yes, it was poor behaviour from the family, but just let it go there is nothing to gain from holding onto it.

Sorry for your loss.

No, you're not. You should make your wishes known in your Will and maybe have the service in a non-religious venue.
Many people have said while they wouldn't mind or that they think the deceased wouldn't mind, that they acknowledge it would be regarded as disrespectful to many others (other mourners, the celebrant, the church itself). Doing cartwheels in a church is widely accepted as inappropriate.

I blame the parents not the niece. A five year old really should know how to behave.

very disrespectful

when Fil died we had to bring DS2 because he was 4 weeks old and breastfed- I would have taken him immediately out if any issues. DS1 was a toddler though and it was the obvious thing to do just to send him to nursery on that day.

sorry for your loss.

Am I the only one who loves the idea of a five year old twirling around at my funeral?

makes it feel way less morbid and performative somehow.