My Host told me not to go somewhere.

This is difficult to comment on without knowing what relationship your cousin has with your aunt. If this is a relative she had previously fallen out with then it's more understandable, albeit unfair to you. If it's just (to her) some random other person that she has no direct relationship with then it's utterly batshit.

Don't do this. It won't help. Too many keyboard warriors on this site....

Some people are drama seekers.
Does she have form for this?
I know of someone who gets really annoyed when family meet up together locally when they live quite far away but doesn’t want to meet up with them when they are in their area for a weekend for example. Insular behaviour.

You made her shout at you in front of her child? 🙄 God forbid she take any responsibility whatsoever for her poor grasp on her emotional control. I feel sorry for her child’s future if she’s got a history for being so reactive and blaming other people for her poor behaviour. If she can’t communicate effectively as an adult and has to resort to shouting every time she perceives someone offends her then that’s her problem to deal with and not yours. She sounds controlling and unhinged.

Obviously her behaviour is not ok.

Have you previously had a decent relationship? Is this out of character? I'm just wondering if she's in crisis in some way.

Not that it's your job to sort out on any way, if it's not your usual relationship there may be something going on.

I know that MN is generally very hard boundaried, and that can be a good thing, but, but we're all human and if you've had a previously good relationship, I'd probably have a chat in a 'hey, is everything OK?' way.

Look, boundaries are great, but so are familial relationships.

I had a bit of a dick situation once with a friend, and I asked a mutual friend for advice.

Her response?

Literally 'Not my circus, not my monkeys'.

And that was the end of two friendships for me.

Because I think it's very easy to be too hard-line.

My point being, it's always worth a chat.

She might be a dick, she might be struggling. It's worth at least trying to find out.

When you have travelled that distance, going to see your aunt for an hour is perfectly reasonable. I imagine your aunt would be upset to hear you were down the road and didn't visit. Your cousin is also entitled to be disappointed and express that e.g. 'oh I was hoping we could X, will you be back by Y to go?'. She is not entitled to control you, shout at you and blame you out of all proportion. It definitely sounds like something is going on that has triggered this. I would probably just let it lie, as unless she reflects and realises this, you won't get a rational conversation.

I’d be reminding her that she did exactly the same. Very odd reaction.

And the hypocrisy is the cousin does this herself, goes to stay with some relatives and visits others whilst staying in their house.

Just wondering how old is the child? Is she a new mother by any chance, could she be suffering from PND?

Her behaviour is awful but did you discuss visiting the aunt before you went?

Isn't the issue likely to be some sort of falling out between her and your aunt?

It’s family. All of DH’s siblings live hundreds of miles away at the other end of the UK. We rarely see them. When we visit, we generally stay with his DB, but we always try to catch up with the others. I’d have thought that was how most families behave if they get on well.

Is the aunt on question also your cousin's aunt, or is it a different brancg of the family altogether? What's the relationship between them?

Had you mentioned the planto disappear for a couple of hours in advance or did you announce it on the day?

I'm just trying to imagine a scenario where the cousin's behaviour made any sense. If she feels isolated from the wider family and is estranged from those family members who live closest to her, then a friendly visiting family member spending time with those nearby but estranged family members might feel threatening.

It also depends on how long you were staying as to how reasonable an independent activity is, as well as the exact timing of the activity. If you are literally just there for a weekend, Friday night to Sunday after lunch say, and you make other independent arrangements for Saturday Evening from 7-9 which would be prime time for the heart of your visit , then that would be really rude to your host in my opinion.

So there's not enough information in your OP to judge who was being unreasonable.

YANBU your cousin sounds like a stern dissapproving Victorian parent

I hate people like this

I agree. Shouting at OP for something so insignificant in front of her child and then blaming you is unhinged. I would be worried about the child too.

I think it would have been rude not to visit the aunt!

Wow, psychiatric diagnosis via a couple of 2nd hand behaviour reports from a not impartial stranger on a forum.
That's some amazing skill that should be exploited immediately. It will cut waiting lists and save the NHS money
Call Barnum!

So a guest isn’t allowed to go out for an hour?

I’s hate to visit some of these stifling households.

If someone was coming to see me for a weekend, I'd expect them to want to spend the weekend with me.

Then you should be upfront and tell them they’re not allowed to see anyone else. So they can choose not to come.

If I had invited a guest, whom I hadn't seen in year, for a limited-time visit, I wouldn't expect them to piss off somewhere else unless by prior arrangement.
The polite thing to do would be to tack your extra visit to the end of your stay at the place you are a guest in, i.e. when your stay at your cousin's had concluded.

Of course she is unreasonable. If you’d have been staying with your Aunt and didn’t pop to see her for an hour she would probably have said you were selfish not calling in to see her. Unbelievable that she said you made her shout at her in front of your child.

I can see her point of view but that doesn't excuse her behaviour. If someone was coming to see me for a weekend, I'd expect them to want to spend the weekend with me.

I know the visit was only an hour but it does seem rude to visit someone and then use them for a base to make other visits.

It would have been different if when you 2 were planning the visit, you had said, "Auntie X lives near you. I'll pop and see her when I come over. Why don't you come with me?" Much politer than announcing that you're off to see someone else once you're already at her house.

But that doesn't excuse her extreme overreaction with the anger and shouting.

How often does your Aunt and your cousin see each other? Do they get along?