Very quick poll please! Should I sleep next to my DH tonight

So your DP is using affection as a means of control, so you've moved into the spare room and nothings been said and your biggest question is whether you should continue to sleep in the spare room or go in the new bed?

This is wrong on so many levels.

I am never so astounded by the shit that women put up (or dish out) with in their relationships until I come and read posts on here.

You've moved into the spare room and withdrawn closeness in order to coerce him into having sex he doesn't want/punish him for not having sex with you?

He should LTB.

Whether you sleep in the same bed or not shouldn’t be connected to how intimate you are. This is all a bit ridiculous. If he’s gone off sex he’s probably not even clocked you’re sleeping in the spare bed because of that!

Do you WANT this marriage to work? Is it a good one?

You need to both talk and stop game playing.

What I would do really depends on what happened before and what conversations you had about your sex life already.
I won't encourage you to go and look at my post earlier this week but I can only assume, based on my own experience, that you are going through a similar issue in the relationship. And so then I would say that the longer you leave it, the less chance you both will have at saving your relationship. I wish I wasn't quite so accommodating a year ago and insisted on doing something about our sex life and lack of time together earlier.
Do what feels right for you. Maybe put a new bed in the spare room and he can have your old one or maybe try to work through whatever is going on together. Only you can really know what you want to happen and a conversation will help you figure out if you and him want the same things.

Definitely sleep in the new bed at least 1 night, you might kick yourself for never getting to try it out & letting him have the whole new bed to himself if you set that precedent right away! I would just settle in to my half of the bed with the singular goal of making myself comfortable and testing out the new mattress if I were in your situation, and I would leave the ball in DH's court to be the first to initiate any kind of conversation while you're fluffing up your pillows and arranging your space in the bed 😁I think you should aim to establish your rightful spot in the main bed regardless of his reaction, whether it be positive or negative (up to you to decide what constitutes + or - of course!)

He withdrew sex so you withdrew the opportunity to have sex?

Have you discussed your sex life with him? Have you asked him why he has backed off so much? Have you questioned yourself about whether your reaction, backing off even further in the opposite direction, is helping the issue or making things worse?

Why did you buy a bed when you dont want to share it with him?

He's stopped fancying you

Is impotent

Having an affair

Knackered or stressed

If your husband hasn't f asked why your sleeping in a different room. If he'd not done this either the moment you went ypur separate ways or the morning after. Or even middle of the night worried after the 2nd time he turned over and you weren't there...the you have a major problem. And you.need to talk. Like now.
Oh and this is issue is way more about sex if this is where you are.

I think grab him and christen the new bed. Could be the kick start you need for a new sexy era. Then talk about the sex while you're in a good place. You are also responsible for your sex life being good. Don't wait for him to make the move.

It sounds like there's a lot of issues going on. But you do need to have a sensible chat about sex, or the lack thereof. Right now just go to sleep wherever is comfortable and try and talk about things sensibly when you're both rested.

I'm with most of the previous posters. Surely this is something you'd have a conversation about?

Is the new bed meant to be symbolic, or is it just a practical purchase? Getting a new bed as a married couple and not sharing it feels a bit on the nose, but it sounds like you'd rather be in the spare room, which surely speaks volumes.

I'm interested in who paid for the bed.. who decided a new bed was needed now..

As always, first answer nails it.

this.

You might find DH doesn't want you in his bed now?

Maybe try working together on sorting your marriage out or get divorced and buy your own bed.

This is idiotic

speak to your husband and grow up a bit

This really. Have you talked about this? Why is there no affection? Did you discuss separate rooms before you moved into the spare bed/have you discussed it since?

Do you actually live as husband and wife or just exist in the same home but not really in a marriage anymore?

Do you talk about it at all?

Why are you sleeping in the spare room? To punish him for the lack of sex?

erm, if you have to ask this on mumsnet then your relationship is not in a good place.

Sleep in the new bed, it's his turn to sleep in the spare room

What do you mean ‘his turn’? Why is it anyone’s turn? I don’t understand why OP had to sleep in the spare bed in the beginning?

Have there not been conversations around intamacy and you sleeping elsewhere? Will you be able to get a good nights sleep in the new bed if he doesn't show any affection? Or will you just lie there feeling resentful?
This isn't a decision anyone else can make for you. This problem won't be fixed by a new bed.

Sleep in the new bed, it's his turn to sleep in the spare room.

why did you buy a new bed when you're not sharing it??

But mainly just sort yourvrelationship it, it's not healthy to live like that

Go sleep on the new bed and have a conversation with him/start planning your divorce together? Either try to work things out or clean break.