Do you teach your child to hit back?

@Pilgrimgirl These dc really will not attack a group. There’s safety in numbers. Learning to navigate the world avoiding dc you don’t like is a skill dc have to learn. Playgrounds are busy - play with other dc. Go into classrooms with other dc.Sit with friends. Say to a teacher if there is an issue with another dc and you want to sit somewhere else. Learn how to avoid violent dc. Never walk home alone. Parents need to give skills to dc and not tell them to retaliate.

Most dc do not have these issues and it’s constructive to work with schools. I’m wondering if schools know parents tell dc to use violence and then avoid those parents. I don’t know because I don’t live in this world but there are some dc who will end up in prison so avoid them!

Then you defend yourself in the real world.

@TizerorFizz But what if the "d"c who are objectionable won't keep away from you?

Just heard a headline on the news about teachers who are frightened of their pupils in the classroom . They're scared of violence in the classroom in Wales. That's so fucked up.

@YellowSwanFrom that must have been awful for you, word had obviously got around that you were an easy target. I found I only had to hit back once when I'd just started high school, on the advice of my older brother, it took a lot of courage as it didn't come naturally to me, but I was never picked on again.

It’s much more constructive to learn avoidance techniques. Violence is never the answer. Keeping away from the dc who are objectionable is the answer. Having great friends and sticking with them is the best protection. Strategies to avoid bullying and violent dc is always the best policy. Not retaliation.

You are all describing a society that’s so far away from mine I feel like we live in a different world. Maybe decent heads just won’t work in violent neighbourhoods and where parents don’t know right from wrong? I would start wondering why schools won’t stop bullying. It’s definitely poor quality leadership and ethos at the schools. Maybe some areas just don't attract the best heads?

DS was bullied for a year while we went through the official process of telling the teacher and making complaints. Eventually we had both had enough so I told him to hit back without overdoing it, and the bullying stopped right there and then. Kids shouldn't have to dread going to school because of bullying.

I'm surprised that some think that it's morally wrong to hit back as a last resort.

The issue is a lot of kids do not use it as a last resort. So you end up with a lot of fights and children getting hurt over accidents, games and misunderstandings.

Then people moan and wonder why this game or that game got banned .

Different kids

@YellowSwanFrom I am sorry this happened to you but perhaps you wouldn't have been hit that second time if you'd retaliated after being hit the first time. All you did was show the hitter that they could use you as their own personal punchbag and you'd just let them.

Not to hit back but I tell him that he can push people away if they tried to hit him and he must tell a grown up. Not encountered this yet though and hes quite the rule abider so I'm not sure he would anyway

I'm surprised that some think that it's morally wrong to hit back as a last resort.

He was also cracked about the head as a child many a time, and went into the armed forces during his twenties and saw an unholy amount of bullying and violence. I’m not sure it’s altruistic. I’m just genuinely surprised that’s it’s the opinion of many on here that it’s ok to tell your kids to hit back.

Well, that's your choice and very altruistic of you. Unfortunately, passivity tends to backfire. Absolutely your decision, of course.

@UrgentScurryfunge I'm so sorry for what you have experienced but, to me, your post sums things up perfectly. Defending yourself does not mean you are going to turn into some homicidal maniac, it just means you are not prepared to be anyone's "victim". Well done you for standing up for yourself, I bet it took a lot of courage.

This taunting had been going on for months on end and the other boy had gotten others to join in and ridiculing DS on a daily basis.

DS decided to sort the problem and the other people who bullied DS received detentions.

I’m not naive. Both DH and I are from ordinary working class backgrounds, went to state schools etc. although I’d say I grew up in a nicer area. DH got beaten to a pulp once, had threats made multiple times, and once apparently did hit someone back upon his mother’s advice. That probably shaped a lot of his opinions on society, but he’s not someone who would use violence now nor would either of us advise our children to use it.

The law is a bit different to playground rules. And children are still learning about morality, rules and how to regulate themselves. That’s why you can’t convict a child of assault by law, as I’m sure you know. In cases of extreme violence there should absolutely be consequences, but I’ve already said that I agree this is a problem in schools up and down the country. The bully type often comes from a household where violence is condoned at the end of the day. They might grow up to become violent adults.

He was in no physical danger and unremorseful for causing physical harm. You can support him in being violent but it doesn't help him. He doesn't understand the long term consequences of his actions will have on his life. What if his wife verbally attacks him. Will you support him in giving her a black eye?

Do you honestly think that people are only talking about being "hit on the playground"? At best, you're woefully naive.

I'm not going over every incident again, but I still remember with a shudder stopping an assault in a school stairwell where one teenage boy had another on the floor and was kicking him in the head. It's the only time in my life that I've seen lumps erupting from someone's forehead as I watched.

I would say daily physical bullying is extreme.
And the kids would know the rules of the school surely. They still did it.

Not according to every answer to n Google so I will confidently stick to my interpretation of its meaning!

Being hit on the playground at school is not quite the same though is it? And school is a learning environment. Come on, you can’t compare say a 6 year old hitting another 6 year old to rape and serious assault between adults who should know the law. I was hit twice at school and did not retaliate.

I see a lot of weak people on this thread. Never start the fight but always stand up for yourself and use self defense.

Precisely. So don't castigate those who have been put in a position where they have had to fight back.