Do you teach your child to hit back?

Self defence is hitting back

Yup

But so far they haven't had to

I always told mine that if someone hurts them first - they have the right to hurt them back , harder .
i didn’t want my kids being bullied . I wanted them to know its ok to stand up themselves .
teachers don’t do anything . No matter how many times they are told . Kids have to learn to look after themselves , same as adults do .

Yes, never start it but if someone hits you you hit them back. He also did martial arts which taught him self defence and confidence. In year 5 a year 6 bully squared up to my son and tried to start a fight and my son had him on the floor within seconds doing a takedown. Didn't have an issue with him since

Any kind of bullying, even if it does end up physical. The one being violent will get sacked. The second the other hits back it becomes a punch up. Both get sacked. So yes. Violence in the workplace is never okay.

And the boss hits them?

I didn’t and dc suffered years of bullying.

A bully tried to throw my child down a concrete set of stairs, so my child broke their nose and I felt that was a deserved consequence.

I think there is a fine line, if you don't teach them to hit back you could be setting them up to be hit, tell the teacher, child loses 5 minutes of their playtime. They hit your child again, it just teaches your child they will be hit and someone might be told off and a different child might do it next time so your child just gets hit.

If it is secondary then it is a different kettle of fish. Ds "won" a fight without hitting or hurting the other child. The other child lost because Ds knew how to defend himself. He did karate, they didn't know that and he had been ground fighting for years, ie you start off kneeling so was used to grappling, being manhandled and pinning people down, some much bigger than him. Yes they are taught not to fight but to hold and prevent the other person attacking them. But if there is no escaping a fight then they know how to end it, violently.

My other child has been sucker punched at school, luckily it honestly didn't bother him and he said the child couldn't punch for toffee. For other children this would have been very traumatic. Violence is never the answer but sometimes it is necessary to stop the fight. I taught mine putting someone on the floor is enough, you don't then need to do more.

What if the bully one day is their boss? Worth destroying their career over?
Knife crime is ever increasing. Will you have them carry as well?

Exactly, I think some live in little bubbles though.

If their boss is physically assaulting them then that’s a whole other story!! Bullying in other forms can be dealt with in a non physical way of course!

My dc also do martial arts/self defence stuff & the goal is to get away asap.

Sometimes, as in my case, the disregulated neurodivergent child is the one being bullied. And not by the other ND children.

What if the bully one day is their boss? Worth destroying their career over?
Knife crime is ever increasing. Will you have them carry as well?

I’ve told them not to start a fight, walk away if they can but if someone hits them then they won’t be punished for defending themselves.

No, I was raised to read the situation & doing the same for my dc. Some people you can hit back & some you can’t. But I grew up in a (then) rough part of London.

No I didn't. I'm fortunate in that each one was only ever hit once at primary school. Both in year 1. Once when a boy threw something at dd2 i didn't mention to the school as the boy had SEN and I knew he had a 1:1 and they were dealing with it and they did. The other time with dd1 i told the school and it stopped. He wasn't a bad kid and I never heard of other issues. Both dds went through their comp never being hit.

@SweetBobby you are putting your child in danger with this advice. Violence should be a last resort - your dc may end up on the very wrong side of things one day, there’s always someone stronger.

We tell DD to defend her self.

So when a much a bigger boy picked her up by the collar I told her in that situation she would be ok to kick or hit back to get him off her. No different then is someone did the same to me I would do what was needed to get away.
But DD never would as she's too scared of being the one to get told off!

I always told mine to hit back in self defence. Sometimes an adult is not always around.

We’ve done same.

I told my daughter to after she was repeatedly hurt by the same child. In the end the child was excluded so she never had to do it but they have my permission to hit back if they need to.

Standing up for yourself need not be physical - and tbh is very seldom successful if it is physical.

I successfully taught my children to use their voices, loudly and assertively, to state their wishes and summon help, but also to plan in advance to reduce their vulnerability (if X targets you in the playground, who are you going to choose to go out into the playground with, and where are you going to play?)

Obviously, in an extreme situation, when in deadly danger, we would all use physical means if all other routes were exhausted, and some basic self defence training is useful for more independent older teens (and interestingly, that mainly teaches that physical responses should be absolutely the last resort). But it’s not useful to teach reciprocal violence as a first line of defence.

This. DD was repeatedly kicked by a boy. I didn't teach her to hit back but when she did, I wasn't angry. We did discuss other methods but lamping the little arsehole did stop him doing it again.

At the time she was repeatedly bullied (a lone girl) by a group of boys. The school did next to nothing. After she downed the one, the rest didn't do it as much.

And yes, words and all that are better. But some playgrounds are Lord of the Flies and no amount of kind words and telling helps.

I teach mine the 3 strikes rule

1- tell them to stop/ tell a teacher
2- tell them to stop/ tell a teacher
3- hit them as hard as you can.

seems reasonable to me

Self defense isn't hit back.

Self defense is get away telling an adult. If you can't get away deflect hit and get away and get an adult.

Only when you have absolutely no choice and no escape option, and only then is hitting appropriate.

Violence begets violence and it is never the answer