To say our DC doesn't need to share their treats

@MustWeDoThis why aren't the step kids spoiled and precious snowflakes? They're teenagers who are moaning there's nothing nice to snack on. Teenagers who could go to the shops. Teenagers , who had a selection box each but ate it all .

Why isn't the DH a spoiled and precious snowflake who could go to the shops himself, buy his kids more treats, even out the chocolate haul if really that bothered, give them some money etc. Basically doing something, anything . Not just saying "go and eat your brother's chocolate " without even asking.

He will probably have treats you've bought for Christmas over the holiday, yes? And while out and about? It's literally just chocolate and he should be taught to offer.

This all applies to the teens as well and they’ll have it at two homes. They don’t need to take sweets from a young child that were special gifts when there are plenty others in the world, including their own gifts from this party that they already ate. Are the teens spoiled and precious snowflakes if they don’t always bring home treats from their time at their mother’s home to share with their little sibling? And I’m sure the teens enthusiastically tell their 5 year old sibling to help himself to their possessions when they’re gone, right?

I know mumsnet despises second wives and their wretched, interloper children but teaching teens that young children shouldn’t be treated with basic respect is rubbish.

They are his siblings and he should learn to share. Why does a 5yr old need to keep a load of chocolate to themselves? He will probably have treats you've bought for Christmas over the holiday, yes? And while out and about? It's literally just chocolate and he should be taught to offer. I think it's quite spiteful to deny other children some chocolate, especially when they're the step-kids, away from home, and it's the holidays.

I thought this was the season of good will? Or have we forgotten that and it's not the season of spoiled and precious snowflakes?

Chocolate isn't coming to an end, it's not going extinct. It's cheap and easy enough to buy and replace.

I’ve been the stepchild. I had younger half-siblings who were given gifts by my stepmother’s family. At no point did I ever think it would be ok to scarf down all my own chocolates and then expect a share of any my younger siblings had left.

In the OP’s case, it’s easy enough for the dad to go out and buy treats and snacks for the household to share. Just sounds like he can’t be bothered .

In my family sharing would be encouraged if one person had a lot of surplus, and let's face it, very unlikely your younger DS is unlikely to eat all that chocolate before your DH can get to the shops and replace it.

But forcing a child to share unfairly (he's not had an offer of the older boys to share theirs with him) is mean and bullying. Do the older children's mother's side of the family get your younger child gifts? I doubt it from the way you describe your family as not particularly blended. So why does your DH want to punish the younger child?

Your DH should get off his butt and go to the corner shop if he wants the teenagers to eat more chocolate, not steal it from his younger child. Setting a pretty poor example.

@AGoingConcern it clearly states the family ‘exchanged gifts’- ONE family member sent the teenagers a selection box.

Sounds like too many sweets for a 5yr old in the first place. In my culture we share all food that is being eaten. Don’t take it out if you don’t want it eaten. really i don’t think a 5yr old should have so many sweets that “belong” to him exclusively. We always share in my household

Lots of people here confused about what the word sharing means. If you're forcing your child to share then it's not sharing. If you are taking something from a child against their will then it's not sharing. If one side gobbles down all their own sweets, and then expects a share of someone's else's on top of that then it's not sharing. Sharing should be done with consent, it should be mutual and it doesn't involving stealing.

DH is being unreasonable here. Our DC will.often share and we encourage but don't force it. Older kids will sometimes ask for younger DC sweets and offer to replace them if they cba to walk to the shops, younger DC are savvy enough now to say yes in return for a little something extra...everyone is a winner 🤣

So DH couldn't be arsed to get his older kids anything to snack on so your family has to?
Does he always rely on other people to look after his kids?

That was a shitty thing of him to say. I agree fully. He should have bought stuff in, not made your child out to be of lesser importance and they can simply take from him,

how horrible of him, whatever chip he has on his shoulder, he shouldn’t make your child the one who bears the brunt, I’d be furious.

I’m sorry you had that experience as a step child. But there is zero information to support that being the case in OP’s family. OP’s mentioned no other gifts given to her child besides chocolate and her family actually made a point of having chocolate to send to her step children who weren’t even there.

Inventing reasons that the teens are actually being unfairly treated so OP needs to make it up to them seems unnecessary and unhelpful.

I’d agree it’s unfair to take his sweets. I think it encourages kids to hoof them down as quick as they can because someone else will be along to nick them.

Being the youngest can have its own issues, such as older siblings thinking they have a right to your stuff

Yes exactly. For me the step element is a red herring. As the youngest of 6 (full) siblings, I had little agency. My second youngest sibling in particular ran roughshod over me and would eat my treats. My parents were very loving but they they had little idea. I would have been very upset at my siblings eating my chocolate without my permission.

Why? Is one allowed to have anything for just themselves?

Sure if a child wants to offer their sweets round but to enforce a rule sounds very draconian

Ds is 5, it’s not up to your Dh to make him share stuff he was given by your family. You say your Dh chose to stay home with the older dc when you’d go round to your family, so no wonder they’re not fully integrated. YANBU.

Yes but how can that be done with a dad who will take from one kid to give to another?

If dad is not on the same page then I think it’s fair enough for OP to act on her son’s behalf and put his chocolate away in his absence.

Also why can the 5 year old not have a huge stash of sweeties they might last him ages nothing says he has to eat them all in a week.

We have only last month got rid of the last Easter egg from my youngest it went into baking her choice. My teens had scoffed all theirs in a week but youngest will take her time, sometimes she actually barters her sweeties with them. She will also however just give away any she doesn’t like so she’s not a meanie hoarding but she shares on her terms since they are hers.

Being the youngest can have its own issues, such as older siblings thinking they have a right to your stuff.

No one asked him to share. That’s the problem.

@toucheee surely it’s preferable to discipline the step children and create boundaries in the home (like you obviously have with the other child) rather than lock stuff away!!!

But some kids don’t respect others’ possessions. My dd was upset a lot when she was younger by her father letting his gf’s kids play with her stuff- often they would break things, lose things, or leave her bedroom in a real mess, and all when she wasn’t there to defend her space.

Just because kids’ parents are together doesn’t mean the kids have to get on nor that all toys/possessions are communal. Valuable items (to their owner) can absolutely be put out of reach of other people and especially if there is a lack of respect for boundaries. I doubt the lockable cupboard was a first response from that poster, I imagine it was installed after some incidents which suggested boundaries weren’t being respected.

I’d say the dad is more Trunchbull - much too good for a 5yo and trying to steal them for his teens.

If all the sweets are being eaten then it’s fair enough to lock them up.

Some people seem to think that everything is fair game for step-kids.

💯

It’s sad that the concept of sharing is dying out over the concept over ownership.

sharing is a fantastic lesson to teach a 5 year old. He doesn’t have to share it all, but a token few chocolates, why not? It’s a kind thing to do.