To expect more from counselling?

Is it counselling or psychological therapy and if the latter- which type. What are there qualifications? They are all different in approach, methods, and aims. I’m in a related field and would personally like the type you describe. Psychodynamic psychotherapy gives space for the client to come up with the solutions but probably more nuanced than the way you describe, that also takes min 6 months whereas yours seems time limited so would normally be a more structured type of therapy. If it is counselling I’ll be interested to here others experiences, as I imagine it varies greatly in quality and scope,

You would get better therapy from
ChatGPT

I am serious

Yes! Agree. Also Compassionate Inquiry has been v helpful for me.

Try solution-focused or CBT.

I actually agree OP.

However I am saying this as someone who also really really dislikes CBT. I found it very dismissive and invalidating and I really didn't enjoy the whole "here and now" focus which didn't leave any space for delving into why your issues exist and validating what you've been through.

I know trauma informed CBT exists and is perhaps more useful but I'm part of a support group for CPTSD and a lot of people didn't find CBT in general helpful. I'm saying this to reassure you in case you try it and don't like it either.

I didn't enjoy person centred counselling either (which in my experience tends to be the go-to counselling) because while it was more validating in the short term, I never felt I was making progress. I felt that ChatGPT could probably do just as well at paraphrasing my thoughts.

I gave up on therapy for a long time but later had a lot of success with somatic therapy (focused on feeling feelings in your body. Something people with trauma struggle with).

Also internal family systems (IFS) was absolutely life changing for me and I connected with it in a way I haven't with anything else. There's free PDFs as books about online to get an idea what it is. You can do a lot of work alone. There are IFS therapists about but not easy to find and don't think they exist on the NHS.

Everyone is different but it's worth bearing in mind that it might take a while to find the right person and the right modality. And sometimes therapy is put forward as the one answer for everyone and it's not always like that.

Usually the NHS provides CBT. Did you have CBT before this therapist?

My person centred therapy was life changing for trauma and it was nothing like these. He was trauma informed and amazing. He helped me learn to ground and cope before we even started talking trauma stuff and he never left me in a mess at the end of the session. This isn’t person centred, it is incredibly poor whatever it is.

It can be helpful to communicate this. It might not be the right person or modality. Every patient needs something different.

My counsellor is person centred but this sounds nothing like my sessions with her which have been incredibly helpful. We talk together loads and she rarely ever reflects back what I've said, normally that will just happen when maybe I've said something almost as what appears to be a throwaway comment but there's something else underneath which she catches and wants to direct my attention to. Ultimately this doesn't sound like the right counsellor for you and you need to explore other options. Can you afford to pay yourself, that will open up lots more opportunities to you and give you the ability

That sounds typical for counselling, it is led by the client (you). It works for some people but if it's not for you there are other types of therapies such and CBT. If you have serious mental health issues and lot of trauma then counselling probably isn't for you, it can be more traumatic to do it when your not ready and you should be assessed by a Psychologist to ascertain if you are ready. The waiting lists for Psychology are very long though.

If it’s meant to be person-centred, then I think the counsellor has got hold of the wrong end of the stick! Person-centred therapy is all to do with being client led, and the client doing a lot of the talking, but the therapist will participate fully in the process by asking timely, appropriate questions, and leaving silences - space for the client to reflect. But the therapist should be very much involved, not just parroting back at you. She’s getting money for old rope. Find another counsellor. The good ones can be wonderful!

You need a trauma informed therapist. CBT and EMDR have good evidence base for trauma. She seems to be using Person Centred counselling which is great when you need to figure out how you’re feeling and what your thoughts are - it’s more of a reflective space to hear yourself think. It can be really helpful. But for post trauma it can be unhelpful or even make it worse if you get caught up in flashbacks.

You need to raise it again and say you feel that you need something more directive.

No, not normal! And disconnecting suddenly- not normal! You give the client a warning, “as we have ten minutes left, what would you like to do to end the session?” I would contact her professional body to be honest because she’s harming you.

FWIW a friend of mine trained as a psychotherapist and it took her five years. You can call yourself a counsellor after doing a very basic course for a few months, but in no way should you be working with trauma clients. I don’t think a degree on its own is enough to be properly qualified, postgraduate training is needed.

If you had the funds OP I would look for a private therapist who ideally specialises in the type of trauma therapy you are looking for. I’ve had private therapy snd NHS counselling. With the best will in the world they were two incredibly different experiences. I also saw my private therapist in person which made a huge difference too.

One small point, I too initially found it disconcerting when the therapist ended the session abruptly (it happened with both NHS and private therapy). I do think this is deliberate and over time I got used to it and came to weirdly appreciate it.

Whenever I hear explanations of person centred therapy, I am left baffled. Perhaps this is why!

@Anonymous214 I wouldn't normally make a suggestion to like this, but it seems like anything would be better than this! Have you seen Richard Grannon talking about CPSTD? You can find some stuff on YouTube. I think it's more his older videos that might be useful to you.

you don't have to relive anything if you watch those. I found it helpful that he reminds you "you are not your emotional flashbacks". Others might not find it helpful, but what you've got is dreadful. That therapist is wasting your time. Not a big fan of therapy generally though. Haven't got much experience but it seems I'm better suited to reading stuff myself.

I'm not a fan of person centred for the reasons you describe. It depends on the client really really wanting to do the work and not misunderstanding it as a venting session, or just being desperate for the tiniest bit of guidance.

I've had psychodynamic therapy which was similar - but it lasted 3 years and even then the counsellor made suggestions or pointed out links.

Having said that, keeping to time and saying 'I think we need to stop now' even when you are in full flow happens in pretty much every modality. I soon learned not to waste mine and therapists time by waffling for 45 minutes and only spitting out the good stuff 2 minutes before time was up. It's a very useful skill to learn as it made me better at communicating altogether.

Thanks. It doesn't seem to be meeting your needs, I agree.

I think CBT works a lot better as they give you practical tools to manage your emotions

I know just what you mean and I think it is complete rubbish, and a waste of time.

They could have an AI tape machine at the other end for all it’s worth.

I think there may be different forms of counselling and psychological therapies. I hope someone more expert comes on to explain them.

Then you could try to find someone more suitable. I am so sorry for your troubles and hope you find real help 💐

Person centred counselling is what you are getting.
I agree, I tried it twice. It's a lot of " I'm holding this space for you"
What I genuinely wanted was someone with some ideas as to how to deal with issues and emotions

If you've been referred, who is providing the counselling?