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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel offended by my colleague being promoted

59 replies

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:13

I love my colleague, we have a great working relationship. Today (in front of me!) she was taken to the side and offered a promotion. I’m really happy for her and want her to get the position.
However, it’s a role that I’m also qualified for - and I feel - sad that we potentially won’t be together. But also that - I’m not good enough??

OP posts:
Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:51

Also, the role could make a real difference to her life. Whereas I have stability.

I just hate that I’ve had such a childish, jealous reaction!!

This is me in the wrong. I think IABU!!

OP posts:
stardustbiscuits · 05/12/2024 18:50

Just apply. You will learn from it even if you don’t get it … what it is you need to be in with a chance next time, what your real career progression prospects are with that company. Or they might not know you have skills you’ve got. Or you could argue that your skill set will complement hers. Or how you have a good working relationship and could collaborate. Or lots of other things I would have no idea about!!

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:47

Thank you all. TBH, I do feel quite ‘childish’ in my reaction. Also - I am actually qualified for the role, whereas my colleague isn’t. It would be a great opportunity for her - to then gain the qualification. I’m also a fair bit older.

The frustrating thing is that I’ve really helped settle a disruptive situation. I have implemented things that have made a difference. My colleague knows this.

But I’m not ‘personable’. My colleague is.

OP posts:
Dagnabit · 05/12/2024 18:45

You might like working with your colleague but you can’t base all your career decisions on this! She could leave at any time. What would you do then? Follow her?

Danikm151 · 05/12/2024 18:41

A promotion was posted with a one day limit internally at work- i applied without telling anyone.
turns out I had all the skills management were looking for but they just didn’t know.

got the job - still friendly with the other person that was asked to apply.

you don’t know until you try.

FlatShoesOnly · 05/12/2024 18:38

So she hasn’t been promoted in fact. She’s been asked to apply for a role. She may not get it.

There are two roles and you feel you are suitably qualified - just apply too for goodness sake! Direct your emotional energy somewhere positive rather than negative!

YourWildAmberSloth · 05/12/2024 18:38

So she hasn't been promoted, she has been asked to apply for one of the available posts. There is nothing stopping you from applying as well - maybe you'll both be successful. You have nothing to lose by applying but not sure why you're offended.

Microgal · 05/12/2024 18:33

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:30

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

I understand that you are enjoying the job and working with her but staying stagnant In a role is not a great thing to do! I can guarantee you she was offered to apply/the job because she puts herself out there just that bit more, either that or she made noises to a manger in a review that she would like to move on and is aiming for promotion.

healthybychristmas · 05/12/2024 18:32

Definitely apply for the other job. Don't discuss the application with her but don't hide it. Maybe you have skills and qualities your managers are unaware of. It's your chance to let them know.

Don't sulk and refuse to apply.

JustFrustrated · 05/12/2024 18:32

You're not privvy to development conversations that your colleague has had.

Also with my managers hat on, based entirely on this thread, you don't seem mature enough to be promoted.

If you want a promotion you need to apply. Whilst you may not get it this time, they'll know that a)you want to develop and b)stay at the company and then they can develop you.

Anotherworrier · 05/12/2024 18:31

Annabella92 · 05/12/2024 18:30

Well, it's not childish, it's realistic. They've picked their candidate

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It really is. I’ve seen people asked to apply and not get the job. She’s shooting herself in the foot. If she doesn’t get it she sees how the job is being interviewed for. Also, there are two jobs going.

Jagoda · 05/12/2024 18:31

Annabella92 · 05/12/2024 18:30

Well, it's not childish, it's realistic. They've picked their candidate

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There are two roles available…

I would go for it!

Microgal · 05/12/2024 18:30

Didimum · 05/12/2024 18:29

Sorry but you’re not going to get anywhere in life waiting for things to land in your lap. Be proactive – it’s desirable and out you in the light.

I’m at director level at work and I think it’s really unnecessary when people compare career trajectories – everyone is different and everyone will have a different timeline. Secondly, I like to see people putting themselves forward for opportunities without having to be asked.

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This 10 times over!! You can’t wait to be asked!

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:30

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

OP posts:
Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 05/12/2024 18:30

So you didn't even apply but are now miffed they have filled the role with your colleague? And this makes you 'offended'? My God, what a first world, petty problem to have. Overuse/incorrect use of offended do you think? Just trying being happy for her and work harder/be more ambitious for yourself next time.

Microgal · 05/12/2024 18:30

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:26

Well - no! Because they clearly don’t ‘want’ me to apply!!

And this attitude @MrNosey is exactly why they asked her to apply and not you! You are allowed to apply!

Annabella92 · 05/12/2024 18:30

Anotherworrier · 05/12/2024 18:27

That’s childish. Apply.

Show quote history

Well, it's not childish, it's realistic. They've picked their candidate

location · 05/12/2024 18:30

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:26

Well - no! Because they clearly don’t ‘want’ me to apply!!

Don’t let this put you off. If you think you’d be good at it and really want it then go for it! Have some confidence in yourself.

Didimum · 05/12/2024 18:29

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:26

Well - no! Because they clearly don’t ‘want’ me to apply!!

Sorry but you’re not going to get anywhere in life waiting for things to land in your lap. Be proactive – it’s desirable and out you in the light.

I’m at director level at work and I think it’s really unnecessary when people compare career trajectories – everyone is different and everyone will have a different timeline. Secondly, I like to see people putting themselves forward for opportunities without having to be asked.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/12/2024 18:29

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:26

Well - no! Because they clearly don’t ‘want’ me to apply!!

Perhaps your attitude is why they didn't offer it to you, be serious and look inwards to see potentially why you were not picked over your colleague.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 05/12/2024 18:28

Apply for the second position.

Also, if she has been told to apply for the position there is nothing to stop you applying. Even if you don't get it, it highlights you are interested in future development that should be in their minds when other opportunities arise.

It's good to work for a company that promotes from within.

Anotherworrier · 05/12/2024 18:27

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:26

Well - no! Because they clearly don’t ‘want’ me to apply!!

That’s childish. Apply.

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/12/2024 18:27

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:24

The positions have been advertised, but neither of us applied. There are two positions.
Colleague was taken to one side and asked to apply.

Has she been given the post, or just asked to apply? If the latter, it's open to you to apply too. Sometimes management can get the perception that A is ambitious, and B is content where they are, and all other things being equal will choose A for promotion. Applying makes it clear that you too are ready for the next step.

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:26

Well - no! Because they clearly don’t ‘want’ me to apply!!

OP posts:
Microgal · 05/12/2024 18:26

location · 05/12/2024 18:25

You should apply for the other one regardless of whether they invite you to apply or not.

Yes this! Why didn’t you apply in the first place?