Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel offended by my colleague being promoted

59 replies

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:13

I love my colleague, we have a great working relationship. Today (in front of me!) she was taken to the side and offered a promotion. I’m really happy for her and want her to get the position.
However, it’s a role that I’m also qualified for - and I feel - sad that we potentially won’t be together. But also that - I’m not good enough??

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
crazyunicornlady73 · 05/12/2024 21:00

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:47

Thank you all. TBH, I do feel quite ‘childish’ in my reaction. Also - I am actually qualified for the role, whereas my colleague isn’t. It would be a great opportunity for her - to then gain the qualification. I’m also a fair bit older.

The frustrating thing is that I’ve really helped settle a disruptive situation. I have implemented things that have made a difference. My colleague knows this.

But I’m not ‘personable’. My colleague is.

Ok so as a manager. I have a promotion role going.
Two staff members would do a good job, neither applies.
One, is older, has the qualification needed and has the experience...I would assume with all those boxes ticked that she has carefully considered the role and made a decision not to apply. I respect that.

The other staff member is younger, has not currently got the right qualification but I think they could be developed. I think there's a chance that confidence could have been holding them back so I make time to talk to them about it.

Can you see the difference? Whoever talked to your friend probably did so to reassure them that they can still go for a position even without that qualification.

Don't sulk, if you fancy the job throw your hat in the ring. You may not get it but it puts your name in the manager's mind as somebody who wants to progress.

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:44

I think there may be an element of the team leader NOT wanting anyone who may compete with her.

I think I may have been sidelined, because I tend to notice the issues. E.g. collecting things daily that have been missed, noticing an issue that needs addressing before the team leader.

OP posts:
Georgyporky · 05/12/2024 19:41

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:03

My colleague and I - I feel like we are a dream team. I feel we compliment each other so well. I don’t need the promotion right now, but I maybe it would put the stepping stones in place for the future.
I think - if she takes the role - she would push for me to join the team too.

I realise this sounds a bit pathetic! But I need to be asked. If it’s felt that I will fit in, then I’d consider it.

"need to be asked " WTF.

Just apply. Maybe they don't want you because you haven't applied & are seen as unambitious & lacking confidence for a senior role.

BrightLightTonight · 05/12/2024 19:41

Just apply for the role.

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:40

There has been a high turnover in the team, with two left who I don’t think are particularly professional.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:39

@ProfessaChaos

Ok. TBH, a few colleagues have left the team that my colleague has been asked to join.
I don’t get on particularly well with the team leader, whereas my colleague does.
The two colleagues who are leaving - I DO get on with, and feel more an affinity with.
I don’t think the team leader wants anyone of a similar ‘ilk’ as the two who have left.

I may be quite similar to them.

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 05/12/2024 19:30

I would be worried if a job was advertised and someone had to be asked to apply! What’s wrong with the job?

MuggleMe · 05/12/2024 19:29

Could it be that they know you're qualified and assume you don't need to be told to apply, whereas your colleague needs encouragement?

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 05/12/2024 19:27

But I’m not ‘personable’. My colleague is.

@MrNosey Could you expand on this point please

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 05/12/2024 19:23

allthatfalafel · 05/12/2024 19:11

How about wanting to be promoted because you want to be promoted, instead of wanting to be promoted now only because you want to be with your friend? It's not primary school.

Exactly.

It looks as though the OP's colleague was chosen because they're perhaps a little more mature, and wouldn't let a workplace friendship hold them back?

ProfessaChaos · 05/12/2024 19:18

We've had a situation in my team recently where 2 team members applied for the same promotion.

The younger less experienced team member who has been in the job less time got it.

The other team member has asked for feedback, which I am now needing to prepare. It's going to be difficult and I need to delicately deliver some home truths. The truth is that the person who got the promotion works harder, is more forthcoming and proactive, goes above and beyond, and has a great upbeat attitude. None of this is true for the other person but they seem completely oblivious to this.

If you think very honestly OP, can you think of some reasons they might have asked the other person to apply and not you?

5128gap · 05/12/2024 19:14

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 05/12/2024 18:30

So you didn't even apply but are now miffed they have filled the role with your colleague? And this makes you 'offended'? My God, what a first world, petty problem to have. Overuse/incorrect use of offended do you think? Just trying being happy for her and work harder/be more ambitious for yourself next time.

Neither of them applied. But the manager has called OPs colleague over to ask her to apply. Managers do that when they want a person for a job. OP believed she and her colleague were 'equal' in competence and the regard of managers. She now knows her colleague is preferred over her to the point she is being persuaded to the job. OP sees no reason for this and is discomforted by it. As most people would be. OP has described this as 'offended' which is fine.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 19:11

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:03

My colleague and I - I feel like we are a dream team. I feel we compliment each other so well. I don’t need the promotion right now, but I maybe it would put the stepping stones in place for the future.
I think - if she takes the role - she would push for me to join the team too.

I realise this sounds a bit pathetic! But I need to be asked. If it’s felt that I will fit in, then I’d consider it.

None of this sounds remotely professional

allthatfalafel · 05/12/2024 19:11

How about wanting to be promoted because you want to be promoted, instead of wanting to be promoted now only because you want to be with your friend? It's not primary school.

Thepurplepig · 05/12/2024 19:10

This happened to me except my friend was as dumb as they come. I left when they expected me to train her on the job she’d be doing. I have worked for myself ever since with income probably 20 times what she is now on.

It’s been 20 years and I’m still bitter but I got the last laugh.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 05/12/2024 19:07

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:30

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

You're definitely not the right person for the job then.

It's nice to work with people we're friends with, but it's not necessary.

You can see each other outside of work or at lunchtime.

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:06

I think the ‘sting’ is potentially losing our working relationship as well as feeling sidelined.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:04

@Reallybadidea I could hear! But she also told me.

OP posts:
Harassedevictee · 05/12/2024 19:03

@MrNosey everyone is allowed 24 hours to be childish, jealous, upset etc. in private or on MN. After that you need to decide do you want to apply for the job or are you scared that a) you might get the job b) you might not get the job.

As there are two posts and you are qualified, go for it as long as you really want the job. The only person stopping you is you. The worst that happens is you don’t get it and keep your current job.

Original poster
MrNosey · 05/12/2024 19:03

My colleague and I - I feel like we are a dream team. I feel we compliment each other so well. I don’t need the promotion right now, but I maybe it would put the stepping stones in place for the future.
I think - if she takes the role - she would push for me to join the team too.

I realise this sounds a bit pathetic! But I need to be asked. If it’s felt that I will fit in, then I’d consider it.

OP posts:
Reallybadidea · 05/12/2024 19:01

Hang on, how do you know what they said to your colleague?

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2024 18:59

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:30

I am happy in my role, but mainly because I love working with colleague who has been offered the promotion - so I wouldn’t have considered a different role or promotion.

There are two roles, so they would have explicitly said!

Maybe you've made it abundantly clear that you're happy where you are

What have you said in appraisals?

Reallybadidea · 05/12/2024 18:58

You should absolutely apply for it. Don't let your pride get in the way. Yes, you might not get it, but at least you'll have tried instead of making assumptions.

Readnotscroll · 05/12/2024 18:58

why are you letting other people determine your future? Aside from your colleague, do you want the role? If so, just apply! I was once not even given an interview for a job I applied for, asked for feedback and the next time it came up (was unfilled the first time) I applied again and sent an email explaining why I thought they were wrong the first time. Got the job and stayed for 3 years. Don’t wait for others to tell you to go for things!!

xx11x · 05/12/2024 18:54

MrNosey · 05/12/2024 18:47

Thank you all. TBH, I do feel quite ‘childish’ in my reaction. Also - I am actually qualified for the role, whereas my colleague isn’t. It would be a great opportunity for her - to then gain the qualification. I’m also a fair bit older.

The frustrating thing is that I’ve really helped settle a disruptive situation. I have implemented things that have made a difference. My colleague knows this.

But I’m not ‘personable’. My colleague is.

Could it be that they don't think you are interested as you haven't applied even though you are qualified?
They may think your colleague would never have considered it because she isn't as qualified which may have put her off.
I'd 100% apply for it - you'll never know if you don't try.