Need a hand hold part 4

Hi @CookiePookie , how are you? Good I hope.
Thank you so much for your lovely post. It feels good to hear that others think your doing well when you feel guilty yourself for not achieving what you had hoped for that day.
Today has been another meh day but I’m trying to take the positives out of each day .
Your idea of opening the door and standing to get some fresh air sounds brilliant and achievable so I will definitely try that tomorrow . Thank you 🙏
My leg is healing up nicely thank you and hasn’t caused me any bother lately so that’s good. I hope you are ok and I hope you have a lovely weekend xx

Good evening @Dontknowwhyidoit , I love your username btw. ❤️
Thank you for following and reading my threads that’s so lovely. And thank you for your lovely kind , positive words and for saying I’m doing well. Most days I don’t think I am tbh but I need to stop berating myself and be thankful for what I do achieve even if it’s just a small thing.
I have just downloaded the ACCEPTS skills and had a read. Thank you . It really makes sense and is simple to follow so I will take the tips on there and try and do what they suggest to see if it helps.
Your right I do have lots of positives to be thankful for, I have an improved relationship with my eldest, I have a home which is cosy and warm. I have my mum and dad and sister back in my life and whilst I feel sad it’s not the same feeling as feeling depressed and I do think my mental health has improved that way. And not to forget the amazing support I have had on here. So I am a lot more fortunate than others and I am so so grateful for what I do have xx

Hi @user1471540245 , how’s your day been? Good I hope. Thank you for your reply.
I’m still trying to get used to not being apologetic so much it’s just in my brain still that I need to always apologise for something or other.
At the moment I’m just trying to get through each day and whilst I don’t particularly feel positive right now I’m trying to do one or two small things for me each day even if that just means watching something on tv that I’ve wanted to watch or having a long hot bath. Just small things really.
I do want to go out and have a walk but I always say ‘tomorrow I’ll go’ but I haven’t managed that yet.
You’re so right , relationships with teens are very difficult and it’s been a massive learning curve for me on what I’m doing wrong. So for now I’m just taking a step back , following the guide and trying to keep my emotions in check.
I don’t know why but the nights are the worst and that’s when I get most upset. I’m not sleeping very well but don’t want to go back on sleeping medication so I’m just accepting it is what it is for now.
Have you got any nice plans for the weekend?It’s really cold here so I’ll probably potter about and do abit of cleaning and watch some tv maybe a film or two xx

Hi @ringmybe11 , that’s so lovely thank you so much. I hope you had a good Christmas and new year. I do get good advice and support thank you and I saw my sister yesterday who has been great and telling me I’m doing well despite me thinking otherwise. When I was made homeless and living in a hotel then had breakdown and then made homeless again I was definitely depressed and very suicidal, I’m not feeling like that now thankfully I just feel very sad and lonely. I’m just trying to find a way to live through that xx

Hi there @user1471540245 , thank you so much for reading all my threads. Your post I did read earlier but was a-bit too emotional to respond then as it did being a year or two to my eyes. Thank you 🙏.
I’m sorry my post made you feel sad 😔. Sometimes I find that writing down how I’m really feeling helps and I need to be honest with myself and others because god I’m struggling this past week. I stupidly thought that once I’d got my home everything would be ok. I’m so so thankful to have my home don’t get me wrong but I never envisioned what’s happening with my children right now . Tbh I have been thinking a lot about it and I’ve been quite selfish because what I want is to be with them and I’ve been thinking too much of what I want rather than what my children want. Of course they love their dad , to them he is a good dad and he has been there for them during all my hospital admissions and when I was voluntary sectioned too. I wouldn’t ever want to ruin their relationship and they see where they are as their home.
I can’t change what’s happened but what I can change or try to is how I deal with it now. But also whilst I love my children more than anything in the world I’m not living right now I’m just existing waiting for a text from them each day . I need to start living again for myself and to start having a life , not a life I ever imagined having but a life nevertheless. What I’m doing right now is doing my mental health no good at all. I’ve been very very emotional this past week , I think it’s because reality of the situation is finally sinking in . So yes whilst I’ll still probably get upset several times a day I need to start doing things for myself.
Thank you for your lovely kind words , they truly mean a lot and they really do help pick me back up.
Im unable to get an appointment with my mental health team until 2 weeks from now so just trying to get through each day and worry about tomorrow , tomorrow xx

Hi lovely, I hope you are ok and have had a good new year?
Please don’t be sorry it’s nobodies fault it’s just how things are at the moment. I was however very glad to see the back of 2024.
Ive been really struggling since Christmas Day more so than I thought I would tbh . Yesterday was a better day than today. Yesterday I made a chilli, saw my sister and did some colouring and crafts , today however I’ve been in bed most of day as feel rubbish although I know that staying in bed does me no good I couldn’t fathom the energy to do anything else but I did manage to spritz my kitchen this evening and do an online food shop.
My eldest came to stay for a few nights last week which was nice. Mine and my daughter’s relationship is still fraught and my relationship with my youngest , well it’s pretty much non existent at the moment which completely breaks my heart but I’ve been reading a parental alienation guide and I’m trying to follow the steps in there and taking it slow and steady. I want more than anything to tell him how much I love him and miss him and pine for him but I can’t because that’s putting my emotions onto him and it’s not fair . I’ve admitted to myself that I’ve gone about stuff the wrong way and showed my emotions and frustrations with my children too much and I feel awful for that but I’m trying to learn for this guide . I’m sending a message each day asking how they are , telling them something I’ve done that day and that’s it . If I don’t get a reply I just need to leave it and do the same the next day or in a few days . I can’t bring myself to do the few days part so at the moment I’m doing every day .
Anyway I’m gabbling on , I hope you are ok and Happy new year xx

Hi @MsJinks , how are you? Your post brought a tear to my eye. How adorable is that spoon and that your children got you it makes it all the most special. Something you can treasure forever.
I love it ❤️
I hope you had a lovely Christmas and thank you for liking my thread there’s been many ups and downs that’s for sure . I’m not doing to good at the moment so I’m having a break from it all and trying to get some extra support for my mental health . Sending big hugs your way xx

Hi @CherryogDog , how are you? I’m so sorry I haven't replied sooner I’ve had a rubbish few days. Christmas Day was horrific and I found it so much harder than I thought I would. Only my eldest bothered to ring me .
Yesterday was no better as had a falling out with daughter . She basically said she doesn’t want to live with me, she wants to stay with her family. I reminded her that I’m her family too but she said I’ve not been there for so long that everyone is used to living without me. I also couldn’t afford to get my children a lot for Christmas due to circumstances and I felt awful about that. More awful when ex showered them all with super expensive gifts . One of the presents I got made for daughter was a 2025 journal where you write your thoughts , goals , college /work rota and each month I had photos put in from 2024 so ‘this is what you was doing in 2024’. She didn’t like it and when she went she left it here but took mostly everything else . I felt gutted. I tried ringing her early hours of this morning well at 2am and she was in a boys car in a car park! Just feel so broken with it all .
I hope you’re feeling better lovely. And your eldest granddaughter sounds adorable xx

Good morning @CherryogDog , Merry Christmas to you and I hope you have an amazing day.
I don’t have anything planned for today I’ll be chatting to a friend later which will be nice. I’m hoping to be able to speak to my children on the phone . It feels really strange not to be with them. I’ve never had a Christmas alone so this is all new to me.
Thankyou for the hug and handhold it truly means a lot.
Oh I’ll have a look for the cleaning stuff when I next go to one of those shops. I’ll ask my mum to keep a look out for it too. There’s a cleaning shop on Etsy which I’m obsessed with at the moment.
Having an open morning breakfast sounds amazing.
That’s so sad that your step son’s wife said that , what an awful thing to say . I can imagine how upsetting that would be. Sorry to hear DP is still unwell and that you’re feeling grotty I hope you both feel better soon and can enjoy the day regardless. Enjoy your Coole Swan. Big hugs xxx

Good morning @Lovesacake , Merry Christmas I hope you have a wonderful day. How was the national lampoons Christmas vacation?xx