Need a hand hold part 4

i'm one of the many sick, i really hope you've looked in legal support laura, you should be eligible as pp have said. hope everyone gets over all these horrible bugs in the next week, holding a spoon in solidarity xx

There iss SUCH alot of illness around at the moment, I know it's the time of year but still.
I hope everyone is taking vit D3 and k, it really is important
I hope you all feel better soon 💕

My meal out last night was fine and it was nice to catch up...but service was really slow as they were short staffed, so we didn't actually start eating til after 9pm, it was pre ordered as well
That's way too late for me!!

@Imbluedalale
I know that you don't want to go down the legal route re access to your youngest due to how twat might react....but, if you think about it, he is already doing the worst thing by keeping your lad away from you.

Yes he won't be happy at you getting authorities involved but he will, ultimately, have to abide by what is decided, hes not above the law whatever he thinks....if he or his family try to do anything in retaliation you call the police?? Xxx

Thank you 💕. I was glad I went.

how are you today? Glad your parents were with you yesterday. How’s the cabinet looking? How was The Holiday? I love that film!

so sorry your daughter isn’t taking your cancer seriously and went on about her nails 🤦🏻‍♀️. I guess it’s very teenage self centred behaviour along with wanting to pretend it isn’t happening and that you will be fine and it’s not serious. My sons dad had cancer over the last year and son got really upset when it was all unknown then when my ex knew the situation and we sat down and told our son, he was so happy to believe that it would all be cured and didn’t seem to worry after that. I guess kids just have a way of telling themselves the best outcome will happen but in your situation it’s making them come across as uncaring.

I think you’re doing the right thing with going down the official route and getting SS involved. It’s what is best for your son, not necessarily what he thinks he wants (but is actually just appeasing his dad). In 10 years time when he has qualifications, a career he wants and has had a stable teens and a relationship with you, he will be thanking you for fighting for him. I know it must be so hard that he’s pulling away but I just wanted to say you’re so brave for going to battle on his behalf.

I will make that smear appointment now as you’ve put me to shame by making your appointment 🙈☺️.

DD and I made a banana and blueberry muffin recipe but as a traybake. It’s delicious 😋.

@nornironlady so sorry to hear you and your DP are both ill, lots going around. Hope you feel better soon!

beautiful post @CookiePookie 😍😍.

Hello all 🥄 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄💕💕💕

Honestly, you must write a book, Laura! Your turn of phrase in the darkest of moments keeps uplifting even when it all seems disheartening. I have a pile of stuff going on at the moment; when it's overwhelming, I really, honestly think - what would Laura do? How would she react to this one more 'straw-that-might break-me'. Because she would find the spirit and pure gumption (Granny's old word) to find a light to focus on. You make the world a brighter place every day. Hugs to you.

Good morning Spoonies. Just checking in with you all. It's been a rough week with the bug partner brought in. He definitely has a flu as he didn't get his jab but I just got a bad cold thankfully. I called in sick and have done the bare minimum in the parenting department 😂
@Imbluedalale Transsexual......fantastic I love this!

Sleep well Laura and all the spoonies.

That has made me giggle so much Laura, the transsexual mistake.

We all think you are blooming brilliant. I’m so impressed with you.

Have you finished the film? I cried my eyes out when his dad didn’t come home for Christmas. My husband looked at me like I’d been drinking. I then realised I hadn’t put a new HRT patch on, so I was hormonal 😂

Big love to everyone. I’m off to bed.

@Imbluedalale 😂just spat my tea out at your transsexual story!!
The nurse must have thought you had the best surgeon in the 🌎!
Work lunch out for me today....it was very nice but I'm off out for another meal tonight, believe me when I say I very rarely go out and I'm not going to sleep tonight as I will be too full

If anyone can help others, it's you. Your support team sees that in you, and so do we xxx

😂😂 at putting transexual down on the forms and the nurse that had been washign you in the shower thinking you were male to female! That did make me laugh.

That's amazing that your mental health team wanted to put you down for a support group to provide others with help and support. That just shows how far you've come and that they can see it. The self-esteem course also sounds amazing and like that could be a big help.

I've been to a funeral today, not someone I was super close to but someone who died a bit before their time and after a very short illness and it was pretty emotional - in a positive way as well as sad and felt lovely to remember her and hear stories about her life. Im' now sitting at my desk trying to work 😐.

Haha @Imbluedalale they must have all been so confused! As if you would have needed that extra complication in your life!!! 🍆🍊🍊✂️🤨❓

You have been in my thoughts a lot over the last few days. Teenagers are notoriously selfish, I’m sorry your kids aren’t checking in on you more. But I guess that means you’ve done a good job of protecting them from worrying too much, so they’re thinking you’re basically fine and this operation wasn’t a big deal.

It’s awful that your ex and his horrible family are getting into your son’s head. I love the image of surrounding your children with a sea of love and reasonableness @RaspberryBeretxx . Your ex can’t win long term against that because he isn’t reasonable, and before too long your kids will see that. But I’m sorry this stage is so painful.

@Imbluedalale Your Spoonies Army are all making very valuable points. You still have the narrative in your head that all the bad things are your fault, because it's what you have been indoctrinated to believe. Totally understandable because it's going to take time for you to corral the inner voice that's being destructive. We all have one, but you've been forced to believe everything it says is gospel by the other people around you. It's not going to change overnight but eventually you will be able to tell it to be quiet. None of it is your fault whatsoever.

If it was possible to cause someone to have high blood pressure purely on stress, you would have popped like a balloon by now!!
There's usually some physical thing that needs medication and management, when someone has consistently high blood pressure. Hopefully she has support from her doctor to control it. Your dad is naturally being protective towards her because he's worried and sees how it affects her as he's living with her. He's less aware of how affected you are as he's not there all the time. He's also used to thinking everything is fine.
Your mum does need to avoid unnecessary stress, where possible but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her about how you are feeling. She's not going to stop worrying about you, just because you don't tell her. It can be even more stressful knowing that someone isn't ok but is hiding it from you. Our brains are very good at going to the extreme and imagining the worst when we don't have information.

One way to try to minimise the stress for her is to try to have a plan of action or something positive that you are working towards, that you can talk about it with her. So she doesn't feel like she's got to try to solve the situation all the time. It will give her confidence that you are moving forward and not stuck in a bad place. It's also really good for you, because you have something to aim for. It doesn't have to be big. It could be as simple as, "This week I will plan to cook most of my meals at home, so I know that I am getting the nutrients my body needs to heal". Or I'm going to take the photos of my house and get them printed so I can add them into my scrapbook. Then each week I am going to look at a photo and write down the things I really like about it and how much I enjoyed choosing X bit of décor.

Try to choose something that you feel confident is possible. Preferably 7 out of 10 or more, on the confidence scale. This stops you from always trying something that's unattainable. Have a deadline say a week or two in the future, where you can look back and see how you got on. It's ok if you don't achieve it, just celebrating the bits that did work and learning why the other bits weren't possible, is still valuable. When you catch yourself thinking poorly if yourself, think about what you would say to one of your Spoonies, who didn't manage to achieve their goal. You deserve to be treated as kindly as you would treat a friend.

I’m so sorry Laura that you were feeling so groggy yesterday. I’m sure it’s a really normal reaction to the op and the anaesthetic on top of everything else. And of course you couldn’t go to the cinema! You did exactly the right thing - fainting in the cinema or on the way and going off to hospital would have been a worse night for your daughter , you really need to look after your physical health just now.

I wonder if part of your children pulling away a bit and are being not very caring is that they’re actually a bit worried and scared so they sort of just ignore the situation (and therefore you) and even create a bit of drama (on your daughter’s part) to make it about them. In a totally normal teen way but to displace their fears and centre themselves. I’m not sure I would really have known what to do if my mum was ill at those ages.

They also have your ex’s attitude towards you as an example and him and his Mum’s evil little voices in their ears. I think just keep on being the calm voice of reason and love. I may have said this before but my Uncle who’s a mental health nurse, when I was going through things with my ex, said you have to “surround them with a sea of reasonableness” and I often think of that saying. I was imagining you surrounding your children with a sea of love, reasonableness and compassion. I’m sure you’ve already done that and they are aware on some level that your ex has been an absolute arse to you but are stuck in the fog, trying to appease him themselves (I assume they save their worst behaviour for you and are angels for him? Mine definitely does!). Did you ever discuss your broken ribs that the principal told your daughter about with her?

My DS absolutely asks and asks and asks if he wants something (usually a sleepover). I have to be really really firm and do worry that I’ve upset him but he actually just takes it on the chin, it’s me who is left feeling worried and crappy. I’m sure you’r daughter will forget about it all sooner than you do!

My close friend has a teen who was nagging and complaining about something and she reached the end of her tether and shouted “well what do you actually want me to do about it?!” and he calmly said “oh, nothing really, I just wanted a moan...”. I always try and remember "he just wants a moan... he just wants a moan..." when DS is going on and on and on… Sometimes they actually get an emotional need met by the nagging/pushing/complaining.

I think the anger you feel towards your ex is so so normal and needs to be felt rather than swallowed down and held onto as it will only come out later on. There are some good techniques for releasing anger like stomping and things - they may not be possible right now when you’re in recovery but I’ll try and find some good ones when you’re feeling a bit better or some that can be done more easily.

Ugh at your family blaming you for your mum’s blood pressure. It’s 100% not your fault, nor is you having cancer or your ex throwing you out or the situation with your children. You’ve done amazingly well to get to this point given everything, you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about at all. Sending a big hug and lots of feel better vibes to you. Enjoy the rest of the film, I was listening to Richard Curtis talking about it on Zoe ball on radio 2 this morning on the nursery run. It sounds really lovely.

Well done for ringing the doctors. that’s such an achievement (I say this as the person who needs to book a smear test).

@BeNavyCrab good luck to your daughter in her next exam. The card is beautiful!

I better post this now before I write more and it gets any more of a novel! Hello all the spoonies. Hope you're all OK.