Need a hand hold part 4

Hi Laura and Spoonies, I’m so sorry, some of you are feeling poorly. It’s awful all these bugs going around. 🤞I’m ok, just been busy, tidying, cleaning etc! And babysitting, my little grandchildren. They all run my husband and I ragged. But we wouldn’t have it any other way. We love them all to bits, They all bring their own little sparkle.

Your are so right Laura, not letting that evil woman into your home!
You really do need to think of yourself and not putting everyone else first. Take this time to fully recover from all you have been through. Then you will be stronger to fight.

Hope you all feel so much better, tomorrow and the next few days.
Take Care and isn’t it lovely, how friendly and helpful all you spoonies are.. 😘🌺🥄

Dropping in again to share hugs with everyone struggling. My health issues are taking up most of my mental bandwidth at the moment so I really feel for you all!

As for ex and MIL I have no words! DEFINITELY don’t let MIL in your home!

Evening Laura and other Spoonies, so many people are not well at the moment. @BeNavyCrab & @ChoccieCornflake and Laura hope you all feel better soon and also hope your legs pain reduces too and heals quickly Laura.
Sorry your MIL is still casing problems for you. She doesn’t want to visit because she cares, she just wants to continue her abuse of you. Do not let her in, your home is your safe place. She is vile for using your children against you and filling their heads with more lies.
Sending big hugs 🤗

Evening Spoonies, sorry to hear that so many of you are under the weather or recovering from one. I'm also taking vitamin d and k, as well as up to date on flu and COVID vaccines but it's been a bad year this year.

@Imbluedalale It's so annoying that they get to use the traveller law and school just has to go along with it. It's quite shocking to have to drop two school years to be able to return to education and certainly not what you want for you children. I can understand the lure of being treated like an adult and being "one of the men" that your youngest feels. He doesn't have the experience or maturity to know what he's missing out on or how it's affecting his possible future prospects.

Unfortunately I can't see a way forward that isn't going to be a fight. Your ex has basically made it impossible for you to see your children without meddling with your access, so you have no choice. Kids say things like they "won't forgive you if you do x", but they are believing in a fantasy where everyone gets along and is reasonable and it wouldn't be necessary. That's not what is happening. It's great news about being eligible for legal assistance and that your mental health team are behind you and on your side. I agree with everyone else, you can only improve the situation.

Good evening Spoonies. I've been taking it easy but thank you for all your good wishes.
So @ChoccieCornflake and @Imbluedalale my username is a play on how we speak here in Northern Ireland. The accent and speed of speech means that it comes out sounding like Norn Iron! I'm not a big ironer either as it goes. I've enough clothes that I can get away with it once every few months 😂 my partner does it everyday. Life is too short!

Oh bless your little cotton socks for thinking that an old, 60 year old, wannabe hag could be fresh and chic. I’m settling for all my own teeth and not weeing myself on the bus 😆😳

There’s been a terrible accident in my town, where a cyclist had gone under a car. Absolute mayhem on the roads. Feel so badly for the person and hope they’re ok.

Good luck with your smear @RaspberryBeretxx. Not particularly pleasant, but so vital.

Hope you feel ok today @BeNavyCrab. You are so strong and brave.

How do you feel today @ChoccieCornflake?

Wave to @AdmittowearingCrocs @Malbecfan @Munchyseeds2 and @nornironlady

Am in the hairdressers getting the naughty greys gone.

Hi Laura, I had a nice day yesterday thanks. Sorry you had a bit of leg pain but glad it was manageable. I think it sounds very normal to feel exhausted! Especially as you have had some rubbish sleep over the last few weeks/months. Hope you can gibe super kind to yourself and get lots of rest.

😂 at your skinny ozempic tree! That’s nice you have one though.

Thank you on my son’s Dad. It seems to be all gone, they did an op then gave him treatment as a precaution but they didn’t find that it had spread so fingers crossed. I just wanted to mention to you as DS, despite loving his Dad a lot, was actually less concerned than I thought he’d be so i can understand your children might seem a bit unworried (especially with your ex MIL in their ear with her ridiculous views on the “best type of cancer” - feels crazy to even type that phrase!).

It must have been so hard going home to an empty house after your op. Huge hugs. Yes, hold on to the fact it would have been harder going back to your ex and how he would have been afterwards. You're at the very start of rebuilding your life after 20 years of abuse and you will get there and build up that support network, get your children back etc. It must feel like such a mountain to climb but you're so strong and taking it a step at a time, you're doing amazingly.

That’s tough with your youngest seeing his cousins skipping school, sleeping in etc. Maybe seeing his cousin go to school 2 years below his age, start off with no friends and struggle with it all might help him realise he does need to stay in school. I can totally get feeling really worried about your ex being too busy to look after him. In the kindest possible way to your son, I hope he feels bored and lonely and starts to see that maybe the life your ex is suggesting isn’t the best for him. I think he probably does already know that deep down but it’s easier/safer to go along with whatever your ex says. That’s why it’s so important for you to force a change - your son may not be saying he wants to live with you, be back at school etc but that's not how he truly feels. It’s so crazy to me that your ex has said he’ll be missing his friends/football if he stays with you but then takes him miles away from both of those things for weeks! Your son must be starting to see the disconnect between what your ex says and what he does.

Well done for speaking to school again. Keep recording all the action you’re taking so that you can show it all. You can always follow up with an email to the school to confirm the conversation and ensure it’s on record. I think it’s fine to start it in January if that feels best and what your mum suggests. Give your children a bit more time, collect evidence and see how things pan out. Maybe you could start planning now so you’d be ready to go? Write notes, put together documents, find out about legal aid, make an appointment with a solicitor etc?

I booked my smear test! And they could fit me in today at 1.10pm. I thought it’d be after Christmas. So that’s good (they probably saw I was a bit late with it and thought “shit, get her in quick!”).

@BeNavyCrab glad you had a better day yesterday. Hope you’re feeling OK today. I totally agree with your great advice for Laura to be really honest with SS about the abuse and everything.

@ChoccieCornflake so sorry to hear you’ve been ill. Hope you’re feeling a bit better today! Although I’m most disappointed you haven’t been filming your Shay and Blue ad.

Thanks for asking about me. Unfortunately yesterday didn't quite turn out as planned. I woke up feeling quite unwell again so we couldn't do the wrapping as planned. I spent most of yesterday in and out of sleep. My husband had to help me deal with the pressure sores that are a bit of a constant battle. They always seem to take advantage when I'm unwell or run down.

Anyway today was a better day and I could help "direct" the wrapping. So that's one job sorted out.

I'm really glad you are finding the Spoonies support and suggestions useful. You are doing marvelously well, in an extremely challenging situation. I think it's going to be a good thing that Social Services are going to be involved in looking after your children because it sounds like your ex is not going to be reasonable or put their needs first. It's very hard for the school to stop him, now he's claiming travellers status. They are going to be hampered by not seeming to be causing discrimination. He still is supposed to be given work to do independently and be in contact once a week but if your ex flouted that the first time, I expect he's going to next time too. Social services will have much more power to enforce things or get your children back under your roof. It's going to take time though because they have to be seen, giving him a chance to change. I'd advise you to be totally honest with them about the abuse you faced, as well as the emotional manipulation he's doing to them. I would think that it would make them look into their safety as a priority. It must be so so difficult to know that things are wrong and not being able to sweep them up and get them out of there!

It's such a horrible thing to say that skin cancer is a "good one" to get. There's no such thing as a good one and it's so undermining to suggest that you don't deserve care, consideration and worrying about. I know we don't want our kids to worry about us but there's a difference between thinking it's just a minor issue and not going to affect the way you feel, especially after an operation and the reality of a fight with cancer. I get why your mum wanted a word with your daughter when she was busy telling you about her nails.😭

@Imbluedalale
January isn't far away now ....if I were you I think I would use the next few weeks to
recover and start to look at the sort of support you can get to help you fight him in the new year
You almost have nothing to lose and everything to gain xxx

Hello all! Sorry for disappearing! I was with Johnny Depp in a new Shay and Blue advert.... oh, no, hang on, I've got that wrong - I was on the sofa with about 15 metric tons of cough sweets and tissues. Bugger!

In a long rambly post trying to catch up with what I've missed as I read through it all:

@Imbluedalale - may the plague of arse boils infesting your ex also take a shine to his mother. Virulent green ones! Seriously though, she sounds unhinged and awful - who says that sort of emotional blackmail to kids?! Well done on your productive conversation with the police! Your ex is clearly an evil bastard - the things he's done make my blood run cold. BLOODY WELL DONE for breaking away from him - I'm so proud of you!!

@EdgeOfReality - hugs to you too, and well done on getting out too.

Thinking of all that fleece reminds me, I used to have some fleece trousers. Feck knows who makes fleece trousers and why, but to be honest i could do with some for the gardening - especially at this time of year! Mind you, my current gardening is mostly me looking out the window, thinking of all the stuff that needs doing out there, and then going back to the sofa with more tea!

@Nottogetapenny - Can I join you in the miming please? I love singing, but singing does not love me!

@Imbluedalale "I’d rather cover myself in honey and staple my tits to a beehive xx" HAHA!!!! Absolute best phrase ever! Love it!!

@BeNavyCrab - I hope you and your husband have recovered from the thing doing the rounds - it's bloody horrible isn't it. Mr Cornflake has had the eternal cold/cough too - we currently sound like we belong in a Victorian sanatorium for consumptives! Your cards are gorgeous by the way!

@Apolloneuro - ooh, that cake looks yummy!!!

@Imbluedalale - massive belated hugs for your op. I hope you are feeling ok. I love that poster: "a wise woman once said , fuck this shit and she lived happily ever after"

@nornironlady I've only just twigged that your name isn't non-iron-lady! I've been thinking you were, like me, adverse to ironing things!! D'OH!! I hope you feel better soon from this blasted virus too.

@Imbluedalale - MASSIVE hugs that your daughter was being a total diva. Of course you couldn't go to the cinema, and you didn't let her down, and she's being daft. It's not that your kids don't care, it's that they're still kids and their brains aren't fully developed yet. They are still in that totally egocentric stage where they've not really cottoned on that adults have feelings too. As to you being "weak", er, you wot?! You are the strongest person ever!!! Which is why the support team have asked you to support people, which is awesome!!

I've just reached the transexual revelation - OMG, that is priceless!

Also "has the tree been on ozempic?" - Brilliant phrase!! You HAVE to write a book!!!

@RaspberryBeretxx I'm sorry to hear about the funeral. Many hugs.