To baby my teenage sons?

How will they learn to do it themselves if you don’t teach them?

How many of the things he does are daily tasks so many set but he does the DIY or mows the lawn?
You both help out in the house doing chores it's not a sexist thing....although you seem to have divided jobs this way ...if you do 90 minutes work for the benefit of all so should anyone else in the home....assuming you all work. It shouldn't need to be you did that so I do this but working together.

I baby mine a bit but he has sen and life is quite difficult for him I encourage and support normal teen behaviour push him to take more responsibility but currently I'm backing away from extra responsibility because it's his GCSE year the fine line is hard to walk

It's not bad per se, but it is a misstep to parent the child you were instead of parenting the child you have. You risk making them feeling unheard and ignored.

Yes, I'm afraid babying them won't work out well for anyone. Not them, not you, and not their future partners. They'll be charming and nice, but that will wear thin.

You'll be bereft when they leave for university (assuming you're able to let them go). Find so.ething else to do with your time, and other people to do it with.

They'll have to figure out a lot for themselves especially when they fly the coop and they'll resent you for not training them to keep a lot of plates in the air at the same time (laundry plus food shopping plus cooking plus cleaning up plus sport plus school, for instance). You don't have to step back all the way and leave them to fend for themselves under your roof, but they should definitely be doing their own laundry, including bedding. It's a little icky to think of young adults having someone else sort out their whites and coloureds, imo. They should be able to plan and cook several nutritious meals from whatever is in the fridge and pantry, and clean up the kitchen after themselves.

Above all, they should be cleaning up whatever bathroom/ loo they use.

Future partners will love and appreciate you if they can show initiative around the house, and care about sharing the burden of keeping the home pleasant for all.

You need to step back you can still be a supportive parent and help them navigate life whilst teaching them how to balance life

The way I see it at 18 (the September after) alot of young people are living away from home so if yours do.you need to teach them how to juggle life. Case in point

My brother went to uni and couldn't cook and came home every break with his laundry
I did not

If your children don't go away to uni and stay living with you then honestly a weekly family meal is the most I would do.

As long as they know they always have a home and you are always there the should be doing everything else themselves

Yes he can cook. And I don't treat him like a Prince. Nor do i teach him to 'help out' as that would be very poor messaging, giving the impression they were 'my' jobs he was helping me with, rather than simply the day to day jobs of adult life, some of which are 'his' jobs. Ive said already, i do a lot of domestic stuff for him because he does other stuff for me and were I not to do that I'd feel I was exploiting him. Ideally the quid pro quo would be less on traditional lines, but thats an accident of our life styles at the moment.

OP, kindly, you need to stop. Your value isn’t in what you do for them, but the love and support and home you give them. You’re overcompensating for your shit childhood by coddling them.

You make it sound like they’ll magically understand the work of looking after themselves (and another) when they’re grown, but clearly from the threads on here and across social media men aren’t leaving Mummy’s house and marching into independence. They weaponise their incompetence or they live in filth because they’ve never been taught or expected to do basic tasks.

How far does it go? You never ask them to unload the dishwasher? They have never hung out a wash? Cleaned the bathroom? Who changes their beds? You’re doing them and any future partners a disservice, they won’t believe they have an equal role in the home if you’re doing everything for them like they’re babies. They’re not!

I lived alone from age 16. I had no knowledge of how to run a household or budget, but I picked it up because I had to

I can totally see where you are coming from and why you want to look after them so much. However there are two key differences: firstly you are female, they are male and secondly - they aren't going to be kicked out age 16.

You need them to be fully functional adults who can hold down a job, a long term relationship and keep a house. Unfortunately you risk teaching them that the best way of doing this is to find a female support human who will do all the stuff mum did and have sex with them too.

You can just start teaching them independence a week before they leave home, they need to learn how to work as a team in a house from as soon as they are able.

What you do for them is all about you and your wants... it makes you feel good. You are not doing it for them, they've asked you to stop but you choose to ignore their wants. In the bigger picture it's actually disrespectful.

100% this.

What's in it for you, OP?

And what sort of things do you do for them?

And I also lived alone from your age and was pregnant by 17, part of looking after kids is not to do everything for them but to teach them to become functioning adults. I HAD to do everything as a teenager including being a parent, DS does things because it's expected in the household, not because he doesn't have a loving caring parent.

I think depending on the extent it’s unreasonable and you’re setting them up to be shitty partners/husband’s as well as setting them up to struggle once they are living alone. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally doing their washing, cooking a meal, cleaning up after them etc but they need to get used to and be capable of doing those things themselves because they aren’t going to find a partner who does it all for them happily and they are going to struggle to adjust to having to do it all on their own when they never have before.

In 10 years time they will be telling thwir wives " Why dont you love washing my socks. My mum did."

"I do all the cooking and cleaning for my baby boys but I just KNOW that they will make fantabulous husbands who magically realise how much work goes in to household chores, because they are such sweet sweet perfect little men" 🥹

You're not doing it for them though, you're doing it to fulfil a need in you.

No, OP. You need to let them start doing things.

It doesn't matter how much you tell them they'll need to do it in a partnership. Words are meaningless, actions are what count. You're going to make them lazy.

DS1 is lazy, happily lets me do his laundry, ironing, cooking, food shopping etc. But he’s at uni now so he’s had to do it all himself. Steep learning curve but he’s managed it. He’s lazy again when he comes home, but I think it’s more of a “mum looks after me so I’ll enjoy it” than a “I’m a man so I never have to do anything”. He’s perfectly capable of doing what needs to be done, but if someone else offers, he’s happy!

My mother did this for her DS. He is currently living with me and driving me up the absolute wall. I’m married with young children and I work, so does my husband. We are pushing DB to learn things but I resent my mother leaving this to be my problem, and see no future for him in a relationship if he keeps living like this - or even living independently. Even when he tries to do things it’s utterly useless and it takes all my prayers and effort to hold my breath!
You are absolutely setting them up for failure.

Ask yourself whether you want them to grow up to be fully functioning adults or expensive exotic pets. Act accordingly.

Well said

Lots of men claim not to be able to work a washing machine. Can he cook? Are you teaching him that it's only you that are treating him like a prince and the right thing to do is help out?

DH took some training, his family had a housekeeper and then he lived in halls of residence for years and then was a lodger in a family home. So at the grand old age of 28 when I first met him he had literally done FA. He is still a bit shit at understanding priority and needs direction on occasion but we split chores well.

I was running the family home when my Mother was widowed when my stepfather died when I was 13 as she had a breakdown.

I taught DS how to cook at 13 and he has always had to help. He also went to cadets so can iron far better than I ever could. He cooks for his GF at our house when they have a little kitchen dinner date and we make ourselves scarce.

I knew full well making him a fully functioning adult was a job worth doing.

You're doing them no favours doing everything for them and they don't even want you to.

Why not continue to be involved by teaching them skills? It seems more about you not wanting to stop being needed than helping them grow as their own people.