Find it really hard to show an interest in DDs hobbies

@BrazyTwinsMA you seem to have swerved her hobbies for years now so I think it is too late!! that door has closed!

You do need to have a go. Maybe not at all her hobbies but pick one or two.

From the list you give surely French you can show an interest in? French films, food, culture, fashion, literature, trip to Paris?

Sports wise I'd go for tennis. Doesn't go on for too long, easy to pick up what is going on as a non player and if all else fails the men look hot in their shorts.

DH is in to football which I thought I'd never cope with. However it turns out that although I'll never understand the offside rule, I can shout about needing a substitute and the ref being blind just as well as he can.

And when it's dull, well at least it's fit guys in shorts 🤣

I find it quite odd how you place so much emphasis on hobbies as the basis for communication with your children. My DD’s and I share some hobbies but I would say that we spend the bare minimum amount of time talking about them.
Like another poster has said, we just talk about life. What thoughts pop into our head, funny stories etc, observations. You sound quite forced, as though you can’t just relax and let it flow?

I don't know but I seem to develop an interest in things the people I love/ like. I enjoy learning new things. I might not end up pursuing those interests personally, but I would still want to know about the things that make those close to me tick. I'd find it dull if everyone I spent time with shared my interests exactly.

If it doesn't come naturally to you, you really have to make the effort.

It's pretty obvious isn't it? If you want to be able to chat to her you need to watch some of these sports so you know what she's talking about with penalties and Pierre whoever.

You should also go to some of her matches/competitions. If you don't get on with your ex, you don't need to be near him. Just watch her and cheer for her and talk enthusiastically about the game afterwards.

Agree with everyone else.

My daughter is really into horse riding (absolutely no idea how I got roped into this one 🙈). I have only been on a horse once as a child and I fell off and broke my arm in my very first lesson, so my knowledge of horses was exactly zero. But because my daughter is so into it, I made the effort to educate myself and now we have 2 horses and I wake up at 5am on weekends to drive a horsebox to competitions all over the UK 🥶 and read BS rules in my free time 🥴

Start taking an interest in your daughter's hobbies.

She sound great - I think we'd get on! I think you need to make a concerted effort to engage her with what she finds fun (or find SOME middle ground). She'll appreciate it - why not take her for a day trip to the F1 Arcade in London/Birmingham or the exhibition in London if you're near enough, ask her questions about it! Even if she knows you're doing it to please her, the fact that you're trying will feel good to her. Follow some instagram accounts (if you have it) relating to her interests, forward her some reels or posts, just show an interest in the things she likes - it seems as though she's picked up on the fact that you feel disconnected and not into the things she likes, and it's making her think it's not worth telling you. As the adult, it's your job to suck it up even if these things aren't things you care about.

I don’t think you necessarily need to study sports, just be interested in what she’s doing and what she has to say. Even when they’re little and are constantly saying “look at this”, “watch this”, you say things like “Wow! Well done, that was an amazing star shape!”

Send her to me. I love F1 and play drums and nobody in my family gives a shit, in fact I get eye rolls.

In all seriousness I think just be really really open to hanging out and chatting about things. Follow the news on F1, ask her about what fills she's learning on the drums etc.

I don't know what more kids want than an engaged and interested parent really.

I think you need to try harder with DD - she's obviously picked up on the fact that you seem to prefer DS...

I do have sympathy though - DD has activities she does with DH which I have no interest in, and don't pretend to. We do however have 'our thing' and I think I have leaned into the horse riding enough to warrant not learning about other interests. FWIW, I did used to think there could be nothing worse than being outside with a half ton animal, but DD loves it, so now I am there every day, rain or shine. And to be honest I am pretty proud of the fact that at my old age I have embraced a whole new world, and DD was initially proud of me stepping outside my comfort zone (initially, not now!). You might surprise yourself if you embrace her interests.

I wonder if you have to approach it in a way a bit formally - 20 minutes conversation spent with DS, then it’s DD’s turn . I know it doesn’t work like this but it sounds as it’s easier for you to talk with DS so you’re spending more time going this. The same with holidays - 3 days doing DS’s thing then 3 days doing DD’s thing.
Also you have to acknowledge your past mistakes to DD as she is 16 and was witnessing your attitude for quite a while. So you should openly say that you feel sorry for being so narrow minded and close to learning about new things, you want to change that. But only if you mean it of course.

I have some sympathy. My kids both love gaming and it leaves me cold. My DH likes it so I tell them that's their thing together but I do my best to have interest in other hobbies of theirs. I take them to most clubs.

Why don't you ask your DD if you could come watch her next competition as you would like to see how she gets on.
Or buy tickets to a game of the club she supports and have a day out together (could include lunch, shops or some common ground too)
Or choose a new sport/activity that neither of you know and make it your thing.

Do all your friends share the same hobbies as you or studied the same subjects? I think it's possible to be close to people who are different, if you have the same core values eg fairness, kindness, etc. It's just about finding some common ground. You might be a homeboy but surely you can go out for some sort of activity with her. Eg youre on holiday in wales, she comes to a lovely waterfal walk with you and on the way back you stop at a giant zipline.

I think you need to focus on and build on similarities and take her to things even when you don't have any natural interest. If you've got a good relationship with your ex you could discuss with him as well - it sounds like both him and your son may benefit from spending more time together centred around your sons interests as well.

My mum always said she didn’t understand my interests but dad did so she left it to him. He died young and it turned out we did have interests in common. She just fell into the default pattern of I was my dad’s girl.
you can do this, also does your DS feel he is missing out on a relationship with his dad?

It is really hard. My DS is really into maths and talks about algebra and stuff. I really try, but can't follow half of it!

I think at least with sports you can go to watch and be impressed, go on some trips to places where sports and historical sites can both be enjoyed. A few small things will go a long way.

You have a favourite child. You've made it obvious and now your other is pulling away, you seem surprised?

She's clearly noticed you prefer doing stuff with her brother so she's given up on you. It doesn't really matter that these things don't come naturally to you, make an effort. Watch a sport with her, watch a French movie, ask her GENUINELY about what they're doing in Bio (it's a fascinating subject), hell even go on a day trip to Paris. Or do something she likes that's not necessarily school related. But after what sounds like years of favouring the other kid, don't expect her to suddenly come bounding towards you full of gratitude you noticed her. She'll probably be pretty wary of you turning away and towards your son again.

Good point!!

What do I do?

Make an effort?

You can learn new things! I didn't have a clue about Minecraft, martial arts, or any of the other things my DS loved, but I made damn sure to learn about them so we could talk.

Tennis, formula 1, football, the rules are pretty simple. Stop getting in your own way and broaden yourself to meet your daughter halfway. I'm

It's not her job to only be interested in the things that you are interested in, it is your job to take an interest in what she is doing.

Most parents tend to get behind whatever their children are in to. My daughter swam for club a few years ago, did ballet including pointe to 16yrs and has always massively been into horses. My Son competes in Jiu Jitsu. Yes of course there are days where I would rather stick pins in my eyes, they have both sustained injuries but mainly I'm really proud there out there and enjoying themselves.

As for school, your DD is working towards really hard A Levels, how can you not be proud of her for that, how can you not want to talk to her about school? My daughter is also studying subjects I didn't do so can't help but love to here about her day and parents evening is always amazing.

You need to learn sorry to be frank. All our DC got into football, I was clueless but by showing up on the sidelines, asking questions and showing an interest I've learned to understand and even enjoy it. No one is born knowing these things, DH knows eff all about art but still takes DD to galleries and classes and asks questions to learn.

Seems like you don't want to learn and your child knows it

I would see this as an opportunity to broaden your horizons a bit. You sound quite set in your ways, maybe its good that one of your DC is pushing you to learn about different things. I think basically any topic can be interesting, you just need to find your way in. E.g. maybe you'd enjoy reading an autobiography by an interesting figure in one of her sports.

Why are you very risk averse? Is it a mental health issue?

At her age she might roll her eyes a bit at your attempts to understand stuff, but I think she'd probably appreciate it underneath.

Well to be honest it’s late to be starting now but what you should have done is made the effort to learn a lot more about the things she’s interested in so that you could have a conversation about them and show an interest in her passions.

Better late than never, so start doing your research and asking her questions about it and engaging in the things she cares about.

I think you have to find some common ground with her and be a little less self centred, and realise you are the adult and parent here and need to be the bigger person.

DD2 (15) really loves watching the Sidemen videos on YouTube and yabbering on about what they are up to. It's definitely not my thing but some of it is quite funny and I have watched a bit with her, and allowed her to go on about it to me up to a point. She at the same time listens to my gardening/plant lady yabbering politely. We bond over lots of things, our pets, cute animal videos, shopping, Christmas movies...

Also the holiday thing, I'm no surfer believe me but if DS wants to do it, I pull on a wetsuit and get involved. Failing that, relax on the beach with cider and a pasty while he does. I think that you could have had an awesome time chilling by Lake Geneva with DS and DD for a few days before the two of you popped down to Italy and she went to the Olympics.