Or is this Santa post unreasonable?

Hollywood films aside i think that things like Santa are just a lovely magical part of childhood. never did me any harm and I learnt the truth long before my parents told me. i think there is so much pressure on kids these days a bit of make believe does no harm but if its not something you want to do fair enough but dont spoil it or command the rest of us to follow suit

I was 4 when my mother told me that Father Christmas wasn't real. She told me because an older cousin had found out/been told and was telling everyone. DM didn't want me to hear it from the cousin so she told me herself. She told me that she and DF bought all the presents and would continue to do so. But she also laid it on thick that Cousin was very naughty to be telling people so I wasn't to do that either.

It definitely did not traumatise me and I still had a present labelled "From Father Christmas" until my son came along.

When our children were old enough they knew it was a game that we played and part of the fun was not telling anyone and if anyone said FC wasn't real we had to say he was. Christmas was still magical.

Good point!

I'll be dashing off a letter to the Oldham Press shortly on this matter.

The heartless bastards.

Maybe you should have told your daughter that everyone celebrates Christmas differently and believes in different things then?

Wow. Such bile on a child. And you think that's moral high ground?

I think this is very much a personal choice.

Before I had children, I looked back at my own childhood and the things my parents gave me that I wanted to replicate but also the things that had hurt me as a child where I’d want to do better.

Father Christmas was an area where i have 100% happy and magical memories and only have gratitude to my parents for letting me enjoy the magic which is such a special part of childhood. And, as a result, I would do nothing differently to what they did - it was perfect!

I think we shouldn’t lie to kids. We should share the magic of Christmas as we do unicorns, fairies and the easter bunny, the lying is the issue. Would you want to be manipulated and lied to by your kids? Probably not, what makes everyone think children don’t feel the same? Telling the truth doesn’t preclude celebrating, I often feel it’s the adults who are struggling re: magic, not children…

Agreed. You have to work out what works best for you, your children and your family unit.

I’m from a non Christian Middle Eastern background but my family had no issue with the Santa myth (my grandfather would dress up as Santa until I was about 6/7!)

I have a friend who consciously made sure her kids were aware Santa wasn’t real (with the caveat that this wasn’t something they would share at school in case it upset others) but her sister did things differently. Two different ways of handling the issue but outcome same (as in, no detriment either way!)

Given that Father Christmas is an integral part of the Christmas experience for young children in the UK I think most parents probably treat Santa like the Easter bunny and tooth fairy, as in, its great fun for little ones, (and imo) harmless to go along with the concept when they’re very young, they’ll learn the truth some day and they will keep going. I don’t know any child who has been traumatised long term by realising Father Christmas isn’t real!

If you don't want to let your kids believe in Santa then fine as long as they're not ruining it for other kids

Or you could just tell your kids that everyone does Christmas differently and that not everyone believes in Santa?

Why should other children have to lie to protect the story you chose to tell yours?

I remember being very uncomfortable "lying" to my dch. It's the first lie we tell, isn't it? That was 30 years ago. I'm surprised that some people (who celebrate Christmas) don't tell their kids that FC is real - I thought it was obligatory! I agree with the poster above who said a bit of fantasy and make-believe is lovely. If you can find a way of doing that lightly ( without all the other crap about He Knows when you've been good etc) then that's probably what I would do these days.

My mum told me the truth about FC when I was five. It was too young! I remember being sad. Better that they find out later but you don't actually lie - " Some people reckon they've seen him!" with a 😉.

We put out stockings, don’t label the gifts in them and wrap them in different paper. We put out a mince pie/drink and a carrot at kids request (since eldest was about 4 and started talking about it at nursery). They have a Father Christmas visit at school and see ones out and about and are definitely aware those are people acting a part like the Santa in a movie. I feel like with small kids you would rarely have to outright lie for them to form a belief in Father Christmas. He’s everywhere as a symbol of Christmas. I’ve never got an elf or made fake footprints but we do eat the mince pie and drink the drink the kids leave and we do fill stockings after they go to bed. They are currently 8 & 10 and I’m pretty sure they know it’s all just a game now but we will continue doing it as even when they know they still enjoy it. In a few years I’m sure the mince pie/drink will stop but imagine we will always do them stockings (my mum only stopped doing mine in my early 30s after we had kids and OH and I started doing each others). It feels like some people worry more than they need to about this. Whatever you do as your family traditions and regardless of whether it involves Father Christmas it can be a super special time of year for little kids and it can feel magical. If anything is likely to spoil it then I’d argue it’s more likely to be the zillion commercial opportunities (elf, ever more elaborate advent calendars, polar breakfast, Xmas eve boxes etc) making a lot of parents get really stressed out than it is to be open you are doing any the Santa things as a game vs it being real.

My sister has done this, and my niece ruined it for my daughter. She is 7, and I am still mad about it. At least tell your kids not to ruin it for others. I take comfort in the fact that her superior empathetic parenting will mean her daughter has no friends at school.

Honestly I'm sad that Santa isn't real and I'm in my 30's - this is only because I have to buy the presents and some magical man isn't bringing them 😂.

I've seen alot of people over the years say it's damaging to lie to your children about Santa being real but it doesn't bloody matter. If you don't want to let your kids believe in Santa then fine as long as they're not ruining it for other kids but if Sandra down the road wants to continue with Santa then she shouldn't be made to feel like she's in the wrong for "lying" to her child.

We were very light touch with father Christmas bringing only the stockings. When DC were curious we mentioned father Christmas with the emphasis on father. You could also mention in this house it may well be Mother Christmas. Telling them without telling them!
We still have such a magical time at Christmas and would reccomend having traditions that can grow into adulthood (certain music first thing on Christmas, games, films and obviously food)

And we've got two, if not three, of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse gathering together now too!

As with most things, there's more than one 'right' way to do these things and a lot of it depends on the child. I was a cynical kid from the get-go and found the idea of Father Christmas illogical. I asked my mother outright when I was four, according to her I said that I wanted her to tell me the truth quite firmly, so she did tell me the truth. Although I don't remember that specific conversation, I do remember having a sense that it would be nice to 'play along' with the tradition and continued going through the motions until I was a teenager, and thoroughly enjoying it 😆

My DS, on the other hand, who's five, WANTS to believe. There is no Santa costume bad enough to shake his determination that it's all real. The Santa that came through our village at the lights switch-on had a beard made out of what looked like cotton wool, and he asked me if he was the real Santa. And then went on to create a story about how one of the kids at his school has seen the actual real Santa and actually, he has a beard just like that, so he must be the real one. Im quite non-commital because I don't want to outright lie, but I can't see how it's really deception to play along with the belief of a child who flits between fantasy and reality due to their developmental stage.

The problem starts, in my opinion, when parents actively do things to sustain their child's belief at the age when they're naturally starting to question things, like making photoshopped pictures of Santa in their living room etc. It's understandable to want your child to stay in that lovely stage for as long as possible. But it's also natural for children to start to emerge from that stage where fantasy and reality merge, and I can see that trying to prolong their belief does cross the line into deception instead of playing along when they start seriously questioning.

I can't really understand the point of view of saying that it's harmful to ask children not to tell their believing friends that Santa isn't real. There are harmful lies and harmless omissions- when I found out Santa wasn't real, I was more than able to understand that there are things we don't say in certain company because it's hurtful, upsetting or spoils a surprise (Santa isn't real, mummy's buying you a jumper for your birthday, that lady has a funny nose) and the difference between that and a proper secret. Although my DS has already been told by other kids, he just scoffs and carries on believing 😆

I lied back to my parents. Pretended I believed in case the presents dried up. My older brother gave the game away years before.

A tea party which everyone they know is joining in with, including adults who don't usually have time to play, would be very exciting.

Father Christmas, Easter bunny, Tooth Fairy, Christmas Elf, Disneyland, Paddington Bear, Fairy Stories, Harry Potter..... It all adds fun and excitement to what can be a depressing world. For kids and adults. Kids aren't stupid - they work it out. It's a rite of passage.

Can't stand these goody-goody so called experts who want to suck the fun out of everything.

My parents didnt really "do" Santa when I was growing up, in the sense that they never presented him as a real person. He was always presented as a game, like any other role play or dressing up game. It didn't detract from the "magic of Christmas" at all 🙄 We had loads of other Christmas traditions that made it magical.

Yes that sounds reasonable. Another child at school told me, when I got home I asked and my mother was honest about it but told me not to spoil it for my little brother.

I have never told my daughter Father Christmas exists. She is 11 now and has always loved Christmas. It is patronising to say that only going along with the Father Christmas story makes Christmas special.

The Bible is a collection of books in different genres: poetry, history, law, theology etc.

Man eaten by whale, world made in seven days- symbolic fiction.
St Paul preaching at the Acropolis in the first century, early Christians being killed across Roman Empire- actually happened.

@ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit and that's fine - my objection isn't really with people doing "Santa" it's with them somehow implying that children who grow up without it are somehow deprived or missing out, that's all.