Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To TTC given the circumstances?

33 replies

GeraldineGrang3r · 04/12/2024 22:16

I feel this is definitely a heart over logic matter and I'm really struggling. There are a multitude of reasons logically why we should wait to TTC. We're getting married at the start of May, we have our honeymoon straight after the wedding (European break for a few days) and I've recently started a new job in a different NHS hospital (but would still quality for full mat pay due to continuous service). Logically we should wait until at least the start of May next year.

However, my Dad had a heart attack at the end of last month and I'm really struggling with the fragility of life. He's stable at the moment but does have a diagnosis of heart disease and it's really made me think about how we've no idea how long we've got with people and it makes me want to just crack on with TTC. Neither of our parents are getting any younger, we're not getting any younger either (both mid 30s). DP is pretty open to trying whenever so he'd be happy trying sooner if I wanted to.

Would we BU to start trying before our wedding?

OP posts:
MaroonyBalloony · 05/12/2024 10:27

I wouldn't wait, like somebody else said logic really doesn't come into it. You also actually have very little control! How mid-thirties are you and how many children do you think you'd like?

We started trying at 35, first child born when we were 36, started trying for second at 37 and it'll be born just before we turn 39. We did wait a bit with the second child due to work pressures/exams we had and I think, in hindsight and how long it took, we shouldn't have done that.

Not trying to add pressure, but once you're pregnant you have 9 months to prepare and make it the 'right time'. Good luck either way!

BeretInParis · 05/12/2024 10:22

It's waiting 5 months. I think you can do that, weighing up a feeling versus the physical and financial implications of being pregnant at your wedding. I'd say waiting now would make your honeymoon have some extra 'swing' too!

Sorry to hear about your Dad. You must be worried about him.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 05/12/2024 08:24

I would wait. You're spending so much on your wedding and honeymoon, why ruin it with morning sickness which could make you utterly miserable?

Original poster
GeraldineGrang3r · 05/12/2024 07:50

Has anyone else moved up TTC because of family illness / started trying before their wedding?

OP posts:
Original poster
GeraldineGrang3r · 04/12/2024 22:30

GourmetLettuceMix · 04/12/2024 22:23

I would wait. It's only a few months. You'll be busy enough with the wedding, and you have no way of knowing how well you will be in pregnancy.

I hope your Dad is OK.

Thanks, I know logically a few months won't make much difference but I just keep worrying about Dad and whether our future DC are actually going to be able to spend much time with him etc and dreading the worst happening as his Dad died of a heart attack before I was even born. I know realistically 5 months in the grand scheme of things isn't a vast amount of time but I can't shake that feeling of just wanting to crack on.

OP posts:
GourmetLettuceMix · 04/12/2024 22:23

I would wait. It's only a few months. You'll be busy enough with the wedding, and you have no way of knowing how well you will be in pregnancy.

I hope your Dad is OK.

Original poster
GeraldineGrang3r · 04/12/2024 22:20

Nogaxeh · 04/12/2024 22:19

If you end up being a couple of month's pregnant at your wedding the main difference will be not drinking.

I don't think that choosing to have children has much to do with logic anyway.

Edited

Yes fair point about the logic. Tbh I'm not too bothered about the drinking, I'm a take it or leave it kinda person with alcohol.

OP posts:
Nogaxeh · 04/12/2024 22:19

If you end up being a couple of month's pregnant at your wedding the main difference will be not drinking.

I don't think that choosing to have children has much to do with logic anyway.