School issue - violent kid

When I've had similar experiences at in my class within one friendship group I've split them every day so it's a different group with both the victim and perpetrator each day. That way everyone gets to play with each other apart from the two you're trying to keep apart. Both groups play on different playgrounds and it's much easier to observe (when no one has 1:1 support and it's just me watching this plus 100 other kids with other issues to watch out for!!).

Then it is reasonable to ask the school to reinstate those separate arrangements, to keep your child safe. It doesn’t matter if he hits 1 person or 10 - if he is targeting one, then that one deserves to be kept safe at school.

Thank you @Sherrystrull and @cantkeepawayforever (and @PippaSews if your response was meant for me - it's certainly helpful).

The child already has a separate desk to everyone.

The incidents are happening at break and lunch. My preference would be for them to be kept completely separate but my son says he'd have no one to play with as the other child has latched onto his group, and obviously I wouldn't expect 8 year olds to choose between them.

The other child did used to have separate breaks and lunches to everyone else but as he's deemed as doing better, this is no longer seen as a requirement. The problem is, his "doing better" means he no longer hurts anyone that he's in contact with - instead it's now just aimed at my son. And, unfortunately my son is by far the smallest in the class which he thinks is why he's being targeted (which breaks my heart!)

Role play the shouting a lot. Be the teacher, standing quite s long way away or just inside the door - get your child to feel just how loud they have to shout to be heard. We had to practice it a lot snd also alert the teacher so my child knew and trusted that they understood.

It worked well, not really on the bully themselves but to show this was every day, multiple times a day, and to get action.

(That was a reply to @FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee )

Where is the hitting taking place? If in the classroom, can the room be organised differently to create a safe space for the child?

If in the playground, can the child have an alternative timetable for breaks so that theirs is before or after the main class? Or in a separate area eg garden or tennis court or whatever?

If in the toilet, child’s 1:1 supervises their visits and clears the toilet before they are allowed in, and no other children use it at the same time.

If during lunch, can the child eat their lunch in a separate room or office, supervised?

Basically it comes down to physical separation . Which is a huge pain to staff, as 1;1 staff also need breaks, lunch etc, but is ultimately the most effective route. Very isolating for the hitter, though, so there may be a need for done things to be in a ‘supervised small hroup’ rather than bring solo.

Ask for a meeting with the teacher and their supervisor within 2 school days.
Don't talk about the child who's behaviour is violent, or any other pupils, but about your child.

Ask what they are changing within the school environment to safeguard your child immediately. Insist on a written copy.
Ask for a lessons-learned written report for each incident - listing what happened to your child, what failure in safeguarding occurred to permit it to happen, and what concrete steps will be taken to prevent it from happening again.
Do not accept fluff like "we will keep a closer eye on them" - press for specifics - how will you keep a closer eye on the children, are you allocating additional staffing to the classroom? If not, then how? What are the potential points of failure for the new safeguarding plan, and what steps are the school taking to mitigate them (no plan is failure proof and a school who claims a safeguarding plan is failure proof is delusional at best).
At no time agree to victim-blaming or unreasonable expectations of your child - such as making avoiding the other child's violent behaviour your child's responsibility, or your child being moved or excluded from activities due to the other child's presence.

Yes every child is entitled to an education.
Equally your child is entitled to a safe learning environment.

@FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee

You can request that the child has an experienced member of staff supporting him who knows him well and can hopefully spot and prevent triggers. This has the best chance of success.

You can request your child plays on a separate playground and the 1:1 tries their best to keep their child separate. I realise this isn't always possible depending on school set up.

Sorry to ask you, but my son is being hurt on a regular basis by another child who already has 1:1 support, but as you say, they cannot stop every incident. What more can I ask for to protect my child? I'm meeting with the head next week but I'm not sure what I can realistically expect them to do.

This has been going on since year 1 and they're now year 4.

I think you are entitled to ask for an informal chat with the teacher to discuss precisely how this issue is being handled, the timeline for resolution and what is being done to ensure your DC and any classmates are protected. You can also ask at this meeting what rights you have and how you might escalate the issue if you have concerns.

Like others here, I would say that 2-3m to resolve it is too long - yes, it may take that long for the child/family/school to resolve the matter for that specific child (or put behavioural programmes in place and see a result) but it should NOT be impacting the rest of the class/year group at all.

Child should be removed the moment behaviour escalates to ensure all other children are properly safeguarded. This is not being uncaring or lacking compassion for the child concerned, it is expecting the school to meet its legal and ethical obligations to all the other children in the class.

NB. Just to add, ECHPs are not of major significance in private school settings unless the school is a specialist school and is name specifically in an ECHP. Both of my children has SEN needs, but neither had or needed an ECHP in their private schools as it was not a specialist school - the diagnostic reports were sufficient for accommodations to be made. If this child has SEN needs, obtaining an ECHP may be about managing them out of the private schools setting and into an LEA approved one. But they can take years to obtain and sometimes a private school is duty bound to ask a family to remive their child from the setting - eg if they are not set up with TAs with SEN experience nor have the class ratios to permit 1-2-1 TA support in the setting. Children were removed from my DC’s private schools because it could not provide the support needed.

It is usually more effective- and I taught my own child, bullied in Reception, to do this - to shout extremely loudly ‘Stop, X, you’re hurting me’.

In our case, my child was much physically larger than their bully, but a gentle giant. Teaching them to shout, not hit - which would have got them into trouble, rightly - alerted staff to how frequent snd targeted the events were and gave my child a measure of control.

I think most independent schools can afford a 1-2-1 while they wait for funding to be granted. So that’s what I’d be pushing them to do if my child was being hurt.
I agree getting an EHCP is an awful stressful fight and one I never thought I’d have to do either. I’m also really lucky that my child’s state school are amazing and he’s made to feel very welcome and part of the school, after his last school being not so great.

As you say, that's your choice as a parent but I would urge you to consider the long term consequences of your child allowing someone to hit them.

@SendMeHomeNow

Do you speak from experience of children who have very significant needs and 1:1 support?

Firstly, 1:1 rarely means full time school hours. There are always pockets of the day the child is unattended or as part of a 2:1 arrangement. Staff need lunch times for example.

Secondly, 1:1 LSAs are paid appallingly and therefore not always experienced with working with children with specific SEND needs. Even if they are, it takes time to get to know children, recognise their triggers and be able to act accordingly.

Thirdly, 1:1 staff are human. They don't always recognise and are able to prevent incidents. What do you propose they do when a child is running at a window with a rock? Rugby tackle them?

Finally, there aren't always triggers to be recognised. Children with significant needs are often complex.

I speak from lots of experience. Our 1:1 staff are amazing and do a brilliant job but they are human and cannot stop every incident.

This. As a teacher, I feel this all the time.

Yes I agree with this - a 1:1 who is trained especially for the needs for the child is essential for it to work. Again, lovely in theory (and in practice, difficult to secure!).

Spot on.

I didn't say it was acceptable at all. I was merely expressing my surprise thay the OP's child was being hit 'every day' as you claimed - I didn't see that in her posts but may have missed it.

As for telling your child to hit back... your choice as a parent what you tell your child to do. My father told me to do that when I was a kid. We're telling our own children the exact opposite.

Yea it would. 1:1 really is a game changer. Unfortunately it is very hard to get and takes a long time to secure funding for. And lots of evidence too, ironically, which means lots of hitting etc often needs to be evidenced before a 1:1 (for that purpose at least) will be funded. I know some people have said the parent should pay for it themselves, but imagine how huge the salary is for a a full time additional member of staff; most parents would be unable to afford even a fraction of this. The child needs to be educated somewhere, so it's a case of recording evidence and doing the best the school can until additional support is offered by the EHCP process. Now, in some cases the independent school can decide not to wait for support (especially if parents are complaining - I'm so grateful that mine did wait for the EHCP!) and may try to exclude a child. However, that is not as clear-cut as people think it is, and there have been court cases where judges have ruled that independent schools have acted unlawfully by excluding a child due to his/her autism. The school does have to act carefully, even if it is private. Additionally, if excluded, the child will usually end up in a local state school straight after, which is obviously extremely unsettling and stressful due to change, and often larger classes - and the issues get worse and worse (again, until an EHCP can be issued). Some people never get an EHCP. I have a doctorate in education and am a teacher so was well-placed to secure one, but still had to fight like my life depended on it to get my son his EHCP. So you can see, it's not as simple as saying he needs to leave the school. I know it's tough in the other parents and children - and absolutely not fair - but honestly, the system is completely failing SEN children and that's really not fair either. These children have to go somewhere, and nobody wants them (apart from apparently my son at his lovely HMC independent school - we appear to be very lucky in our situation). Having an SEN child is luck of the draw - I never imagined I would be living this life with my child, but I am. Try to imagine what you would do / how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Oh right, what frequency is acceptable then? Perhaps twice a week?

I can tell you for a sure fact if my child was being repeatedly hit, they'd be hitting back.

Violent? YABU to describe such a small child’s behaviour in such hyperbolic language. You are NU to want to ensure the school and parents figure out what’s going wrong and manage it.

It’s surprising how much can get past the 1:1 ime, especially with younger children who don’t understand that person x is not a general class helper. DS has zero impulse control and would only need a split second, when her back was turned looking at another child’s work for example, and he’d make a bid for freedom. This is particularly true if the 1:1 is not highly trained in autism (or whatever SEN the child has), which school budgets don’t really allow.

It is extremely difficult for teachers - you may well have read other threads in the current situation in many schools, but it is extremely common for a teacher to be caught between a rock and a hard place - delays and lack of funding in support services mean they cannot give SEN children the help they need, and equally the parlous state of school funding means that they also do not have the resources to keep other children safe.

Teachers and support staff often put themselves bodily in harm’s way to protect their classes, while also having deep sympathy for the dysregulated child’s (or children’s) unmet needs. There is nothing more soul-destroying for dedicated teachers than knowing the needs of everyone involved and yet be utterly powerless to meet them.

It should stop the vast majority of them if the 1-2-1 is doing their job properly.