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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

419 replies

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 19:52

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 04/12/2024 21:36

Nothatgingerpirate · 04/12/2024 21:22

Good on you!
I wouldn't even walk in 😁

Tbh ditto. I’m nearly 60 and can count on my fingers the times I’ve been to a world Christmas party. Enforced fun is my idea of hell.

And before I get the usual MN ‘anti social loner’ comments, im extremely sociable but selective about where I go and who I’m with.

TwistedWonder · 04/12/2024 21:34

abcdabcde · 04/12/2024 21:24

For London, its not rude at all. Its normal. Most people have a life and a significant commute. The only ones staying longer are usually very young, very extrovert or married to their job.

Totally agree. Worked in the city all my working life and it’s absolutely normal for people to just vanish. No one bats an eyelid

tachetastic · 04/12/2024 21:34

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 19:52

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

You say you left the party in order to enjoy dinner alone, but you have since posted 27 messages on here about the party you left.

I don't think anybody else there tonight will have analysed this as much as you have. I would let it go and enjoy the rest of your evening.

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:33

NotYourSaviour · 04/12/2024 21:17

Hmm well, that's a fair point...it's not that the party can't go on without me, but that there is an expectation that we as senior managers will be there to deliver the thank you speeches and pay the tab.

If I'm being honest, I do fear being judged as not caring about the staff or the company culture by not showing up or not staying to socialise. I had come up with many reasons (lies) to get out of it but I knew that my inner moral compass (people-pleasing demons?) would feel way more comfortable if I just did what I had to do.

If I had been a staff member going to the party and hating it...I would've invented a reason not to go or slipped away quietly as you did probably!

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Fear of being judged. When in reality you could probably send an email round beforehand and say "to save everyone the pain of having to sit through thank you speeches this year..i'd like to thank you all for your excellent work, company values you yadda yadda there will be a free bar until 9 o clock/ two free drinks per person here's your voucher etc". People will likely remember this more as not pissed and it's written, and then you could leave when you wanted to (or not go at all...). Might work out cheaper than picking up the company tab too who knows! Perhaps this is why I'm not a manager though... I'm just a marmite millennial.

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 04/12/2024 21:32

YouveGotAFastCar · 04/12/2024 20:04

It wouldn’t have gone down well in the places I’ve worked, sadly, they would expect you to stay and socialise. I don’t know if that’s the same everywhere, though.

I'll be looking for a job in the New Years and this is the sort of thing that worries me. I keep seeing job adverts saying 'staff social events' or similar and that puts me right off. I want to go to work, do my job and go home, not have to socialise with anyone!

TwistedWonder · 04/12/2024 21:32

I don’t see a problem at all. You showed your face, wasn’t feeling it so went home. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. These sorts of enforced fun type events are usually painful and cringey

Conniebygaslight · 04/12/2024 21:32

I wouldn’t have, but applaud you for doing so. Think of something in case you’re asked though, just a vague ‘you had a call sort of thing’ so nobody finds you interesting enough create any drama. Good for you OP.

GivingOhio · 04/12/2024 21:31

Franjipanl8r · 04/12/2024 21:23

Really poor form.

Lol

mindutopia · 04/12/2024 21:29

Sounds totally fine. Honestly, everyone will be drunk enough to not remember when you left. Presumably you’ll have a nice meal and get a relatively early night and will be up and fresh in the morning cracking on with work when others aren’t.

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:28

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:23

I just burst out laughing on the train when I read this... 😅 Yes! This! I don't think I'm really cut out for the corporate world..

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Neither am I lol, ours is way worse than a party this year, more like a magical glitterfest for kids. I'd rather have 5 smear tests.

LigamentBandy · 04/12/2024 21:25

Mumsnet is funny place op here is getting flack for her "French exit" and on another thread it's being suggested !
How was your Turkish food? @Namechangey23

Sunshine1500 · 04/12/2024 21:25

Just seen the context I suppose if it was 50 people there that’s not too bad

BunnyLake · 04/12/2024 21:24

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:31

Pretty sure I'm boring too haha so yes? What's your point? They are boring, I'm boring, why stay?

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50 people are all boring? I hate small talk too and really hate forced socialising but I would have feigned a toothache or something and politely said my regretful goodbyes.

abcdabcde · 04/12/2024 21:24

For London, its not rude at all. Its normal. Most people have a life and a significant commute. The only ones staying longer are usually very young, very extrovert or married to their job.

TeachesOfPeaches · 04/12/2024 21:23

I think with context it's fine, an hour and a half in a bar with 50+ people. Doubt anyone even noticed

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:23

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:00

no-one died, it's fine, but you'll get called pol pot on here if you don't climb the greasy pole smiling like you are simultaneously shitting yourself and shooting rainbows out your arse. Yes I hate this pollocks too can you tell.

I just burst out laughing on the train when I read this... 😅 Yes! This! I don't think I'm really cut out for the corporate world..

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 04/12/2024 21:23

Really poor form.

ChaosHol1 · 04/12/2024 21:23

Sunshine1500 · 04/12/2024 21:21

Sorry but I agree it’s rude, one of our staff always leaves early, usually when the freebies stop. It’s noted and I think she’s rude. Never makes an effort.

She's still got a job though so I doubt she cares what you think of her. Not everyone wants to socialise with colleagues outside of work and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Nothatgingerpirate · 04/12/2024 21:22

Good on you!
I wouldn't even walk in 😁

ChaosHol1 · 04/12/2024 21:21

You were there an hour and a half? That's fine! If it makes you feel any better, I went to a birthday party I really couldn't face to show face a few months ago. Stayed 45 mins and sneaked away only saying to two of my closest friends. No one mentioned it afterwards and I was home tucked up in bed 15 mins later. Life is too short to do things you don't want to or stay somewhere longer than you want to just to please others.

Sunshine1500 · 04/12/2024 21:21

Sorry but I agree it’s rude, one of our staff always leaves early, usually when the freebies stop. It’s noted and I think she’s rude. Never makes an effort.

anxioussister · 04/12/2024 21:21

If anyone asks just say ‘had a migraine coming on and didn’t want to kill anyone’s buzz so took myself off quietly - so sorry to miss the fun!’

you’ll be fine!

elessar · 04/12/2024 21:21

I don't understand why you're getting a hard time @Namechangey23. You were there for an hour and a half - that's fine!

To be honest at an event like that in a bar with loads of people, it won't even have been noticed that you'd left early I'm sure. And if it was, you could have been leaving for any reason - childcare, early start the next day, travel restrictions getting home.

No drama whatsoever 🤷‍♀️

Growlybear83 · 04/12/2024 21:20

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:14

I don't get the outrage, I've gone to bars for work dos and as someone else describes 'drifted off' as have others. Gosh you need to work in public sector if this is rude behaviour, it's really not.

Well I've worked in the public sector for over 50 years and this would have been considered extremely rude wherever I've worked. It's one thing not going to the party at all - that's just downright unfriendly and many people would consider it rude especially from someone who is new. But going to the party and then sneaking off without saying anything is another level of rudeness altogether. At the time the OP left, it was still far too early for most people to be pissed, and it is highly likely that her departure was noticed.

mynameiscalypso · 04/12/2024 21:19

I think what you did is entirely normal isn't it? I will often join team drinks or parties for an hour or so and then head home. My DH did that with his Christmas party last week too. I'm happy to have a bit of a chat but sometimes I just want to go home and slob in my pyjamas on the sofa.