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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

419 replies

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 19:52

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

OP posts:
crockofshite · 04/12/2024 21:18

I totally get you and have done this myself a couple of times, always a french exit.

Nothing worse than being in a noisy crowded bar screaming small talk, not being able to hear anyone and bored to sobs .

As the place was busy and noisy I'll be amazed if anyone noticed.

Well done 👍 you get to a point in your life when you stop feeling the need to do this shit.

NotYourSaviour · 04/12/2024 21:17

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:12

So wait...you hate these occasions but force yourself to go..to what end? The party cannot go on without you? And you judge people who don't grin and bear it too because you have to? I'm just curious which is really the whole point of this thread what other people do. I've always been in the grin and bear it category myself until today! I have broken my status quo.

Show quote history

Hmm well, that's a fair point...it's not that the party can't go on without me, but that there is an expectation that we as senior managers will be there to deliver the thank you speeches and pay the tab.

If I'm being honest, I do fear being judged as not caring about the staff or the company culture by not showing up or not staying to socialise. I had come up with many reasons (lies) to get out of it but I knew that my inner moral compass (people-pleasing demons?) would feel way more comfortable if I just did what I had to do.

If I had been a staff member going to the party and hating it...I would've invented a reason not to go or slipped away quietly as you did probably!

Allihavetodoisdream · 04/12/2024 21:16

TunnocksOrDeath · 04/12/2024 21:13

In my experience in London it's really normal for people to go to a work party for a bit, then drift off, because they commute, and the trains get less frequent as the night goes on... also because if they drive to the station where they live they don't want to drink & drive.
By 9pm the only ones left are usually the managers who can afford a hotel, and the youngsters who have flat-shares somewhere on the tube network and no kids, and are (totally coincidentally) being given free booze by the managers, who have a team-hospitality allowance.

Agree with this. It’s also really not that expected you say bye to everyone. People just figure you had a train to catch, or another party.

Tess150 · 04/12/2024 21:16

I have no idea why some people feel they must be martyrs to a crappy work Christmas party they don't want to be at and aren't being paid to attend.

I think those people must really hate themselves tbh.

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:15

HonoraBridge · 04/12/2024 21:10

OP - on the basis of your original post and your replies on here, I expect that you have lots of experience of being unpopular! You come across as rude, arrogant and immature.

Show quote history

Well no one is perfect are they?

OP posts:
Edingril · 04/12/2024 21:15

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 19:57

No. French exit. And I'm not french.

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That is rude, but you know that

Pouri · 04/12/2024 21:15

I’d hate to work at some of these places where your “card would be marked” because you came and socialised and then left without making a big deal of it.
this would not be a problem at any place I’ve worked at, it’s a big group, various people will probably be leaving before the end

Allihavetodoisdream · 04/12/2024 21:15

A bar and 50+ people? No one will notice you’ve gone, they will be too smashed.
If anyone asks tomorrow you can just say you felt a bit peaky and had to slip out.
No harm done.

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:14

I don't get the outrage, I've gone to bars for work dos and as someone else describes 'drifted off' as have others. Gosh you need to work in public sector if this is rude behaviour, it's really not.

HonoraBridge · 04/12/2024 21:14

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/12/2024 20:29

It would have been OK to leave if you had done so in a polite and friendly manner. You didn't and all your answers on here are rude and snippy as well. I think that speaks volumes

🎯

abcdabcde · 04/12/2024 21:14

I doubt anybody cared or even noticed. Being a teamplayer means working together well, and has nothing to do with going to office parties. Office parties tend to be the domain if extroverts and people living for work. everyone else stays away

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:13

Argh three times??! Sorry.

OP posts:
WhatUSeeIsWhatUGet · 04/12/2024 21:13

Geez @Namechangey23 you outraged some posters here didn't you? 😂
Personally, I would have donw the same. I hate these things. All this servile corporatism in the replies astonishes me!

TunnocksOrDeath · 04/12/2024 21:13

In my experience in London it's really normal for people to go to a work party for a bit, then drift off, because they commute, and the trains get less frequent as the night goes on... also because if they drive to the station where they live they don't want to drink & drive.
By 9pm the only ones left are usually the managers who can afford a hotel, and the youngsters who have flat-shares somewhere on the tube network and no kids, and are (totally coincidentally) being given free booze by the managers, who have a team-hospitality allowance.

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:12

So wait...you hate these occasions but force yourself to go..to what end? The party cannot go on without you? And you judge people who don't grin and bear it too because you have to? I'm just curious which is really the whole point of this thread what other people do. I've always been in the grin and bear it category myself until today! I have broken my status quo. Not gonna lie...it feels good. I'm shocked at myself though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:12

NotYourSaviour · 04/12/2024 20:57

I hate Christmas parties quite vigorously, but I'm a director so I had to show up to ours. It's once a year, so I slapped on some make-up and sucked it up because I'm fond of our team and they've worked really hard.

If you were an employee and deemed it too boring for you to stay, even though we'd made a huge effort to give the team a good night out on us, I wouldn't judge you in the moment - to each their own and many people don't enjoy socialising (I don't really). But it would have been better to say you couldn't make it at all, than arrive, turn your nose up and leave. I doubt senior management will have noticed but the people who have to work alongside you might have.

Still who cares, it's just a job.

So wait...you hate these occasions but force yourself to go..to what end? The party cannot go on without you? And you judge people who don't grin and bear it too because you have to? I'm just curious which is really the whole point of this thread what other people do. I've always been in the grin and bear it category myself until today! I have broken my status quo.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:12

NotYourSaviour · 04/12/2024 20:57

I hate Christmas parties quite vigorously, but I'm a director so I had to show up to ours. It's once a year, so I slapped on some make-up and sucked it up because I'm fond of our team and they've worked really hard.

If you were an employee and deemed it too boring for you to stay, even though we'd made a huge effort to give the team a good night out on us, I wouldn't judge you in the moment - to each their own and many people don't enjoy socialising (I don't really). But it would have been better to say you couldn't make it at all, than arrive, turn your nose up and leave. I doubt senior management will have noticed but the people who have to work alongside you might have.

Still who cares, it's just a job.

So wait...you hate these occasions but force yourself to go..to what end? The party cannot go on without you? And you judge people who don't grin and bear it too because you have to? I'm just curious which is really the whole point of this thread what other people do. I've always been in the grin and bear it category myself until today! I have broken my status quo.

OP posts:
RubyRedBow · 04/12/2024 21:10

Reading other threads where some people are left out of work events and not invited to work lunches and parties.. Where are all the people who thinks it’s rude then?

HonoraBridge · 04/12/2024 21:10

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:11

Being unpopular does not faze me to be honest. You'll never be everyone's cup of tea!

Show quote history

OP - on the basis of your original post and your replies on here, I expect that you have lots of experience of being unpopular! You come across as rude, arrogant and immature.

BlackberrySky · 04/12/2024 21:09

I guess it depends how important getting on with your colleagues is in your new job. Sounds like you didn't make much effort though, and I wouldn't blame people for thinking you hard work and rude.

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:09

SwanRivers · 04/12/2024 21:04

You walked out to post repeatedly on Mumsnet from a Turkish restaurant?

You might as well have got a takeaway at home.

It's quite nice eating alone with a phone. I've done it.

Rosesanddaffs · 04/12/2024 21:08

@Namechangey23 I’m with you, I would have walked out too. It’s your evening, your time and it’s up to you how you wish to spend it.

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:08

If you left after 5 mins, yes rude, but you stayed over an hour.

HonoraBridge · 04/12/2024 21:06

ThatGladTiger · 04/12/2024 20:02

OP how old are you? Just seems a bit childish and immature to sneak out at the start of something! We’ve all snuck out early from an event…. But not at the very start.

I would have thought you’d want to make a good impression being new. No worries with leaving, you are entitled to do that, but you should have just got up and said “thanks guys, see you later!”

I was just about to post a comment saying that it sounds as if the OP has a lot of growing up to do.

LostittoBostik · 04/12/2024 21:05

HeddaGarbled · 04/12/2024 19:57

That’s really rude and will have marked your card in your new job.

Don’t go, fine. Go and stick it out, but learn your lesson and don’t go next year, also fine.

Go but walk out because they’re not good enough for you, offensive.

Nobody ever notices this shit. Don't waste your life worrying about trivia.