To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

Namechangey23 · 2024-12-04T19:52:27+00:00

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 16/12/2024 19:01

@Namechangey23 Please, I implore you, where is the restaurant you visited and so enjoyed?

Oodiks · 16/12/2024 17:52

Astonished at how this one has run and run!

BoyzIIMen · 15/12/2024 05:27

Incredibly rude!

Miaminmoo · 14/12/2024 23:51

Don’t blame you, wish I could have walked out of mine but sadly I’m the employer and I was hosting.

rwalker · 14/12/2024 12:38

Unicornsanddiscoballs91 · 12/12/2024 20:31

I love it.

I really do.

Go you girl.

Can’t see anything to celebrate could of quite simply not gone in the first place
only thing this achieved was making herself look rude

Kidsrold · 13/12/2024 14:00

OhYeahOhYeah · 12/12/2024 18:26

As your employer, I would most definitely mark your card as rude. I would also have you down as someone who isn’t a team player.

To just slip away from the ‘do’ with no communication is awful!

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I really wonder if there is such a wide disparity of opinion because people have different types of jobs.
I work in a very large professional services firm. No one gives two hoots if you come to the party or not, or cares how long you stay. We are all adults with commitments and are treated as such.
A manager who would mark your card as rude over something like this would not get on where I work. It’s so petty and self important. Who cares? People are busy.
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it one bit- if they did care I’d find another job as they probably aren’t the kind of people you’d want to work with anyway.

Kidsrold · 13/12/2024 13:52

Allfur · 04/12/2024 20:19

People who can't be arsed to make small talk, often think they're above it.

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They are above it. We all are. It’s pointless.

autumngirl714 · 13/12/2024 10:09

Noglitterallowed · 12/12/2024 20:18

Why even ask opinions if you think you’re in the right and won’t even think to budge anyway?? All sounds a bit attention seeker like to me

Attention!

Sprinkly · 12/12/2024 20:45

Of course no one has messaged to ask where she is.

Unicornsanddiscoballs91 · 12/12/2024 20:31

I love it.

I really do.

Go you girl.

Queenofthestonage · 12/12/2024 20:22

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:01

I bloody well hope it hasn't marked my card! I wasn't exactly the life and soul of the party so don't think I'll be missed.

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People will have noticed
I’m in my sixties and retiring in a year or two, I have sucked up some pretty dire nights out / conferences/ team building events in my career, with people from all over the world, at various corporate shindigs. I also hate small talk, but sometimes you just have no real choice if you want a good relationship with your colleagues You definitely have not done yourself any favours

Noglitterallowed · 12/12/2024 20:18

Why even ask opinions if you think you’re in the right and won’t even think to budge anyway?? All sounds a bit attention seeker like to me

Debbacat6 · 12/12/2024 19:16

Terrifically rude and a very poor way to start a new job
It will have an effect. Wait and see.
Really ungracious of you

Resilience · 12/12/2024 18:53

If this was a large drinks do with the option of people arranging their own food as the night wore on, YANBU. Reality is people will have noticed you were there and just assumed you were speaking to someone else when you had in fact left. Quite smartly played in fact!

If this was a sit down meal YABU you already said it wasn't so you're not.

I think the reason you're getting a hard time OP on this thread is because you're being perceived as thinking that your work colleagues are just the hoi pilloi and you are so much better, more interesting than they are and your time more important. Interesting conversations aren't the responsibility of your colleagues any more than yours. There are easy ways to draw information out of people and turn small talk into something far more interesting and enjoyable.

Personally, under the set up you've described, I think you were fine, and I say that as someone whose role involves a lot of professional socialising and I enjoy it.

However, if you are posting in 6 months time saying that you can't seem to settle into your new role and your colleagues just don't seem to like you, you may want to reflect a little. While it should NOT matter (if everyone is professional and effective there should be no need to like your colleagues), truth is that social niceties grease the wheels in all circumstances.

BuildbyNumbere · 12/12/2024 18:35

Pretty rude and kind of awkward if people ask what happened to you when you go back to work. Probably should have made some effort to get to know people, might have livened up after a few drinks!

Swiftie1878 · 12/12/2024 18:32

Rude. Rude. Rude.

Good luck in your new job!

OhYeahOhYeah · 12/12/2024 18:26

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:01

I bloody well hope it hasn't marked my card! I wasn't exactly the life and soul of the party so don't think I'll be missed.

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As your employer, I would most definitely mark your card as rude. I would also have you down as someone who isn’t a team player.

To just slip away from the ‘do’ with no communication is awful!

abcdabcde · 08/12/2024 19:31

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2024 11:28

But surely you'd say goodbye?

Or even thank someone if appropriate?

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Say goodbye to whom? OP said she doesn’t know people well. If there is someone you know well, sure, but otherwise? Either nobody is going to care, or its a bit weird having somebody you barely know announcing that they are leaving. OP isn’t the Queen, so a random coworker to them.

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2024 11:28

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 04/12/2024 23:40

In the context of a drinks event of 50 people, staying for an hour and a half and leaving at 7.30 isn't rude, unreasonable or noteworthy.

It's after work hours and people can and do have perfectly valid reasons for leaving at 7.30. As an employer I wouldn't think anything of it.

What is bizarre is making a drama out of it with this self- congratulatory thread. The sneering about how dull everyone else was is unpleasant.

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But surely you'd say goodbye?

Or even thank someone if appropriate?

Hello113 · 07/12/2024 19:49

Also, you are new to the job. Surely all interactions with people you don't know start with small talk...
I don't think you can expect to straight away have wonderful amazing connections and conversations with people you don't know.

Hello113 · 07/12/2024 19:48

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:49

I just don't want to lie and be fake though! They would see right through it.

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I think it was fine that you left if you weren't enjoying it but I do think it was rude that you didn't say goodbye and people will have found that rude and will remember.
People wouldn't have cared enough to have pulled apart your excuse if you'd made one up.

crockofshite · 07/12/2024 12:57

Namechangey23 · 07/12/2024 12:31

I know the people I directly work with well but that's it and most of them weren't there, just a couple.. I did get introduced to a few people and made some small talk but I just feel totally dead inside doing it, I just don't have it in me to sustain it and I feel totally wooden. Can't explain it. To the person who said you are probably on the spectrum, well maybe who knows! I do struggle to hear what people are saying too, when there is a lot of background noise as there always is in these situations, so this makes following conversations harder when you are only catching every other word and straining to hear. Rather than keep asking people to repeat themselves or making them shout, I end up pretending to hear and nod along which means I can't really participate and get found out when someone asks me a question!! I do find small talk dull anyway ...does that make me a bad person? Surely I am not alone? I shouldn't have gone at all really but was trying to show willing, but then after a while realised...why am I wasting my unpaid child free evening feeling uncomfortable, bored and longing to be anywhere but here....!

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You really did the right thing by leaving.

Did anyone ask the staff how they wanted to celebrate?

Original poster

Namechangey23 · 07/12/2024 12:31

eastegg · 06/12/2024 12:33

Sorry, you already know them pretty well? You said the opposite right at the top of your OP. I’m not trying to pull you apart, I actually don’t think what you did was a massive deal, but that is a confusing contradiction to my mind.

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I know the people I directly work with well but that's it and most of them weren't there, just a couple.. I did get introduced to a few people and made some small talk but I just feel totally dead inside doing it, I just don't have it in me to sustain it and I feel totally wooden. Can't explain it. To the person who said you are probably on the spectrum, well maybe who knows! I do struggle to hear what people are saying too, when there is a lot of background noise as there always is in these situations, so this makes following conversations harder when you are only catching every other word and straining to hear. Rather than keep asking people to repeat themselves or making them shout, I end up pretending to hear and nod along which means I can't really participate and get found out when someone asks me a question!! I do find small talk dull anyway ...does that make me a bad person? Surely I am not alone? I shouldn't have gone at all really but was trying to show willing, but then after a while realised...why am I wasting my unpaid child free evening feeling uncomfortable, bored and longing to be anywhere but here....!

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Original poster

Namechangey23 · 07/12/2024 12:16

SkunderlaiSkendi · 06/12/2024 12:20

You may come across as stand-offisih - not to me, but to some

I was told i was rude to leave my work xmas party one year and im fairly certain it was at least in part, and unofficially, used as a reason to get rid of me. I had my performance revew in November where I was classed as 'outstanding' so was a massive shock

Our office was in the city centre and the Christmas Party actually started at 1pm. (we worked half day, then got ready for a posh lunch/piss up) that went on all night.

I had to be at my other job by 9pm, so would have thought i'd have plenty of time for the party, but at 0830pm i made my excuses and left - and said goodbye etc

I liked the party, it was fun, but after 7.5 hours, i had to go to my other job

I found myself in HR office being 'let go' literally three weeks later. I could not believe it.

She said it was due to the new telephone system and not needing as many staff anymore, but during the speech the HR lady seemed to take pleasure in telling me I was rude to walk out of a free christmas do! I was made to feel very small and embarrased - and she spoke to me like one of those old sneering school marms. I was young and didnt stick up for myself - if I was spoke to like that now she would get told to fuck off...........I mean she knew i was a single parent. I hadnt turned my nose up, it was a great time.

Edited

Sounds like they did you a favour, what an awful company! You'd have had strong ground a for constructive/unfair dismissal surely! I can understand they'd be cross if it's something very expensive, sit down meal and you had to have tickets etc. but you were there for most of it. They've used it as an excuse, the HR woman sounds like a power crazed bitch to be honest. So far I still have a job and no one really noticed but I haven't seen everyone yet.

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Original poster

Namechangey23 · 07/12/2024 12:12

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 06/12/2024 12:44

And uncomfortable party underwear?? For an office after works drinks party?

I'm still mystified why the OP thinks she did anything worth starting this thread about.

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I'm still mystified why you are still here? Other threads available, fill your boots!

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