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Original poster

How many times out of the house is acceptable

29 replies

RFinley · 04/12/2024 18:03

I had a massive row with my husband over leaving the house. So I WFH mon-fri full time and kids are both in school/nursery mon-fri. H works for himself and out of the house so does most drop off/pick up and will have free time for himself in the week while kids are at school. H usually chooses to work weekends rather than in the mid week so I often have kids alone at the weekend in the day. Recently got a gym membership and went x2 last week, once midday eve and once weekend eve. Mentioned to him about going to the gym this week one eve and then seeing a friend I haven't seen for a while the next day in the evening and he told me not to 'expect to do this all time', which ensued a huge row with him shouting that I am inconsiderate of him and me shouting asking how going out of the house for 2-3 hours max 2 evenings in one week was 'leaving him all the time' as he claimed. He basically told me I had a choice to make to either go to the gym or see a friend and it was not ok to do both and when I called him out on how ridiculous it was because it was only 2x he said he was allowed to make it clear to me not to expect it every night (which to clarify I have NEVER gone out 7 nights in one week or anything close to that ). For context I do not see friends all the time but as I WFH I do feel like I need to see friends maybe 2/3 times a month max for a few hours and this will be things like taking our kids to the park, going to the garden centre, a walk or the occasional drink in a pub without kids (so I am not going out clubbing or leaving the kids with him every time I see a friend). Am I being unreasonable for shouting at him and telling him I feel like he is trying to control me. I'm having thoughts of divorce which I feel really terrible about because of the kids and I know the relationship isn't really bad but I just find it difficult to live completely by someone else's rules and feel like I have no time for myself and my whole life is expected to be work and kids. I would not have an issue if he went to see a friend or went to the gym but he juet has no interest in it.

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 04/12/2024 18:13

Well say the same thing to him when he expects you to look after The kids on weekends so he can have free time during the week.

but also - are you the one who actually looks adter
the kids when your both him??

Original poster
RFinley · 04/12/2024 18:12

@Doggymummar if the kids are sick off school I will look after them in the day whilst also WFH.

OP posts:
Petitchat · 04/12/2024 18:10

RFinley · 04/12/2024 18:03

I had a massive row with my husband over leaving the house. So I WFH mon-fri full time and kids are both in school/nursery mon-fri. H works for himself and out of the house so does most drop off/pick up and will have free time for himself in the week while kids are at school. H usually chooses to work weekends rather than in the mid week so I often have kids alone at the weekend in the day. Recently got a gym membership and went x2 last week, once midday eve and once weekend eve. Mentioned to him about going to the gym this week one eve and then seeing a friend I haven't seen for a while the next day in the evening and he told me not to 'expect to do this all time', which ensued a huge row with him shouting that I am inconsiderate of him and me shouting asking how going out of the house for 2-3 hours max 2 evenings in one week was 'leaving him all the time' as he claimed. He basically told me I had a choice to make to either go to the gym or see a friend and it was not ok to do both and when I called him out on how ridiculous it was because it was only 2x he said he was allowed to make it clear to me not to expect it every night (which to clarify I have NEVER gone out 7 nights in one week or anything close to that ). For context I do not see friends all the time but as I WFH I do feel like I need to see friends maybe 2/3 times a month max for a few hours and this will be things like taking our kids to the park, going to the garden centre, a walk or the occasional drink in a pub without kids (so I am not going out clubbing or leaving the kids with him every time I see a friend). Am I being unreasonable for shouting at him and telling him I feel like he is trying to control me. I'm having thoughts of divorce which I feel really terrible about because of the kids and I know the relationship isn't really bad but I just find it difficult to live completely by someone else's rules and feel like I have no time for myself and my whole life is expected to be work and kids. I would not have an issue if he went to see a friend or went to the gym but he juet has no interest in it.

Not to expect to do this all the time
that would wind me up too.

What about DH working in the week instead of weekends?
Then you could spend some time together and also take it in turns for childcare.

Doggymummar · 04/12/2024 18:06

I think you should both have the same amount of free time as each other. If he chooses to spend his indoors then fair enough. You just make sure he is not on call for sick children. So say you go out Tuesday and Friday. He had Monday and Saturday as kid free evenings. The other nights you are both on duty, if that makes sense.n