Keep the magic or he should grow up now

I’m a grown up with grown up children. We all have Christmas stockings.I let my husband know what I’d like from Santa and Santa obliges.

I don’t see the problem. It’s unlikely that he literally believes they are real. He is probably like those people who dress up in medieval costumes and reenact historical events. Some people just really get into stuff for escapism.

Op, are you actually serious??
he’s in secondary school!

I was fully expecting your post to declare he’s 8 years old from the title.

Let’s just gather some perspective, you are babying your high school aged son. He has a magic Christmas toy called “Elfie”, you’re still peddling the Santa Claus line ( so a high school boy still believes a man from the North Pole delivers billions of presents in one night, on his sleigh, with all his reindeer flying him through the sky)

High School!

op, he will be bullied if this gets out.
And.It.Will.Never.Stop

He will literally be bullied right up until the end of year 11

He might just be pretending, he can still enjoy the magic of Santa and the elf even if he knows the truth.

I would tell him though considering he is in high school, it’s a shame to tell him before Christmas but if people find out he could get bullied.

I genuinely still believed in year 6, my mum had to tell me before I went to secondary school. Only child with no cousin. My eldest believed until year 6 too! Youngest is 8 next month and still believes.

OP maybe he’s just pretending he still believes?

This. Please. For his sake (Elfie? In year 8?)

I've got the exact same issue with my daughter! She's in Year 7 and I thought she was playing along for her brother until she eagerly wrote her list to Santa and has been talking in a way that makes it obvious she still believes. I love the magic and how excited she is, and I don't want to spoil her Christmas (having done that with my older son).

My 18 year old believed until I told him the summer before secondary school. He still says to this day that I did the wrong thing telling him. He would never have mentioned it at school, but would have loved to be able to keep that tiny spark of hope alive, which I denied him by telling him. My daughter is very similar in personality to him, so I will be following his advice and never telling her absolutely.

I'm surprised by the number of posters who can't understand how anyone that old could still believe, one poster even called them thick! My daughter is top of all her classes, very bright and academic, she just loves Christmas and the magic.

I don't agree with most of the posts I've read here. Did someone tell you that Santa wasn't real? Or did you work it out yourself and just enjoy playing along? I knew he wasn't real in year 7 but I will never forget the teacher who decided to announce 'we all know Santa isn't real' when I was in year 7. I felt it was totally unnecessary and honestly don't think I have ever forgiven her for it. You do not need to sit him down and tell him. Chances are they won't even talk about it at secondary school so noone is going to bully him about it. If he is confident and outgoing then chances are also that he can play it off and pretend he was joking if it did come up in conversation and another child laughed at him.
If he asks you then you can answer him but if he doesn't ask then don't tell is my personal opinion

Isn’t the rule that you know but you pretend you don’t know for years afterwards and it makes you feel 1) embarrassed that your mum thinks you still believe but also a 2) warm and fuzzy like you did as a small child.

in Our families your get a stocking from your parents till you become a parent! Just small thoughtful things. A book, a nail varnish, a hot chocolate set etc.

I’m surprised a NT secondary school hasn’t worked it out or at least found out before now. Very unusual

Dd was late in finding out. I think she was 9 or 10. Ds worked it out himself at around 6/7

I would tell him

My three now adults never let on there was a big age difference between the first two and the youngest so letters continued to go up the chimney for many years.

op - my son is the same - 12 and whether he truly believes or not, is still wanting all the christmas/santa traditions (even if his little sister is telling him Santa isnt real). I've told him not to mention Santa at school, but otherwise, I'm not taking a little bit of magic away when he's had to be a pretty brave 'big boy' to navigate going to a large secondary school after a small primary school

Aww, bless him. Does he have a younger sibling or close cousins/family friends @Glitterfish?

My only sibling was so much younger than me (nearly 10 years) that I never said anything. In fact, I don’t actually remember a point when I realised about Santa. It was just a slow dawning. And I’m sure I never told my mum when I knew. I think I just didn’t want the magic to stop.

I bet he does know (subconsciously, at least) but doesn’t overly let his mind go there as he wants to cling to the magic of childhood. In the scientific world we live in, Xmas is one of the few times we get to experience magic now.

As the risk of him being teased at school is quite low, I wouldn’t say anything overt, especially before this before Xmas. But to help reduce the risk of him saying anything that might embarrass him at school or with friends, maybe start dropping hints to him. Like, “Of course, Santa isn’t a real person, he’s a magical figure”.

My two still wrote letters even though they were pretty sure of the truth, it was a case of covering all bases, just in case they were wrong!

Why no presents??
That's incredibly mean if they are still children.

Telling a child that Father Christmas isn't real is a mean move as well, when they are so very young.

Maybe you can approach it from a "letting him in on the secret" angle? Emphasizing how grown-up he's getting so he can now be trusted with this sacred information 😉And then let him be a part of the behind-the-scenes magic and have HIM hide/set up the Elf for YOU if he wants!

I'm really struggling to envisage how a 10/11 year old without any additional needs wouldn't have figured it out themselves!

The kids I know have pretty much twigged around age 7 or 8. They play along with the fun, but they say things that give away that they know it's all pretend.

I had this dilemma when dd went into high-school she has additional needs and was bullied enough with other things so I told her and she very definitely appreciated being told and now enjoys being part of the team !

I think you need to tell him to protect him from ridicule. But I agree with pp who said he might be missing the traditional of Elfie. Once you've set him straight, could Elfie make a reappearance simply as a decoration?

How lucky we were, those of us born before smartphones were an everyday thing.

The only porn we saw as children was the occasional ''boob'' picture in a ''stockings and suspenders'' type magazine dumped in a playground from ''Playboy''.
Absolutely nothing hardcore, no genitals and nothing like videos which I can imagine could be very confusing and upsetting to a child.

My boy would have been about 6 when he came to me and said he didn’t believe. I just asked him what he did believe and said that he was ok to believe that but don’t tell his younger sister. At no point and he is now 15 after that has Christmas not been magical for him. You are basically now lying to him and he will at some point think you have made a fool of him.

I mean I could post the other 18,000 types of gods that people believe in but that might detract from the thread
The main point is that adults believe all sorts of stuff and not all of it can be true.

I think that so much thought an effort goes in to preserving the belief when they're little that kids don't pick up the clues and I think that is where it goes wrong. The clues should be there so that the kids can figure it out themselves.

We did Father Christmas and I have still never admitted to them that I fill their stockings. They do know though but still play along (they're late teen and early 20s).

It is a family tradition, it's fun and we have never at any point sat them down and told them. One we said to the older one to keep their theories to themself she they questioned it... and I always gave non committal answers 'who else do you think fills your stocking?' 'do you think I have time?' 'I always put tags on presents so you know who to say thank you to'

We never use special secret Santa wrapping paper, did elf on a shelf or Christmas Eve boxes. We give great stockings, full of lovely stuff, not tat, and we all hang our stocking sup on Christmas Eve, the whole family, not just kids - but the kids grew up knowing that Mum and Dad do each others. But Mum and Dad get some of the same stuff (we have some things we all get every year). One of them asked why they write letters to Father Christmas asking for gifts that then come from Grandparetns and father Christmas only does stockings... all these little anomalies add up and as they get older they figure it out. no one gets bullies and it really doesn't get that stressful.

Having fun traditions and believing in Santa / magic elves are two different things. At his age he really shouldn't be doing the latter, but there's nothing wrong with having fun will an elf doll and getting a stocking.

Unless he has additional needs, I cannot believe that a secondary school child would still believe in the Santa / magic elf stuff, tbh. I really doubt you would be bursting any bubble by telling him.

I love your attitude.

These threads make me feel so sad because my grandson was told about Santa by his dad (who coparents him) a couple of days before Christmas when he was four. Totally devastated him and his mum (my daughter). 😢 of course he has since told his little sister too.
and this year their dad has told them they’re getting no presents 😔

at least they will have a happy time when they are with my daughter (and me).