Keep the magic or he should grow up now

I have to say that absolutely none of these issues would arise if adults stopped lying to small children — who are programmed to believe what their parents say — and insisting that a highly commercialised magical being is real. It’s totally unnecessary. Children are good at pretending and can enjoy going along with the game from a very young age. They don’t need to be told it’s real.

Oh dear God, you sound insufferable. It's a bit of fun FFS.

Ha ha me and my brother do this still even though we're 36 and 39 and both married living in our own places - we text it to the family group chat with our parents 🤣

@Glitterfish of course they know. DS still couldn't believe I thought he still believed in it when I approached the subject.
I think it's us parents doing the fairy story as we don't really want to do big DC's stuff yet 😂

If there is a bubble to be burst do it now.
We had DH’s secondary age nephew (no additional needs) trying to hide tears on Christmas Day last year because he’d told his friends what Santa had got him and they absolutely ridiculed him. He kept saying how he couldn’t believe Santa wasn’t real. I felt so sorry for him actually (as well as shocked and glad I hadn’t been the one to let slip because until then I had assumed it was just an act that he believed it).

I'm guessing they don't specialise in the sciences.

Oh yes! the ''He's BEEN!!'' {with jokes around that !} love that!

My dog definitely believes in Father Christmas who brings her treats and maybe a new coat or soft blanket.

My step kids are teens and still believe. Or they are doing a very good job of pretending for their mum’s sake. My husband asked me if he should tell them and I said no, they’ll figure it out. (No ASN). He mentioned the possibility of a bullying thing at secondary school too, and I reasoned that they can probably navigate a few cringeworthy convos about it. Secondary school is a lot of navigating cringe. I really think it’s best just left. Leaving it also means leaving Elfie. But obviously he should still come down from the loft as a Christmas decoration - because that is literally what he is.

I'd bet my life he knows but wants to keep the family traditions going. My 16 and 26 year olds still shout "he's been!" When they go downstairs on Christmas morning and discover the filled stockings on the fireplace

You might, but I'm not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no issues with an 11 year old believing in the magic.

I'm sure visiting Lapland helped.

I'd be pretty annoyed if I was paying private school fees and their teaching of critical reasoning skills was poor enough that an 11 year old still believes in magical flying reindeer circumnavigating the globe in one night...

It sounds like it's time for a conversation, OP.

Year 7 boys can be brutal on this.

There's no need to lose the magic of Xmas. You can still opt to 'believe' at home and continue with the traditions. Maybe he could get involved in the placing of Elfie this year?

We're in ireland and kids here tend to believe later it seems in uk. My 11 year old still believes a s this year according to the class what's ap group it's about half n half. The plan is to tell them next spring
I think if he's gotten this far I'd let it continue now until after Xmas but it really isn't that unusual where we are for kids to believe later .

Things seem to have regressed.

So true. I'm really always stunned at these threads where people in secondary school believe in Santa Claus. How does that work with teaching the scientific method?

And regression is not just in this. Adolescence seems to have been extended to at least 25, if not 30.

He probably doesn’t know how to handle it with you and also if he’s feeling worried about anything at school he may be looking for the security of his childhood. Our DC are all young adults and still put their sacks out for Santa. They love the tradition but I know when they were younger teens things like this offered them comfort…

Ask him why Santa gives rich children more than he gives poor children.

Well, I wouldn't ask him that, but this was the way that I figured it out as a child. And it's one of the main reasons that we gradually made sure our children knew it was make-believe by the time they were six or seven. We still had wonderful Christmases.

In y6 DD didn't believe anymore. We still did all of the stuff but a bit meh about it. Xmas eve she couldn't go to sleep because we didn't put up cookies and milk for Santa like we always do.

Y7 definitely not fussed about the elf, so in y8 I/we decided we're not doing it anymore. December 1st she was upset about it and regretted it. When Elfie showed up a day later with a letter explaining the delay her whole face lit up with joy.

What I'm trying to say is that the belief itself is neither here of there, it's the magic and tradition, which are just as important to kids as they are to us.

My youngest DS was year 8 when they had a conversation in RE about beliefs. He said half the class believed in Father Christmas and half didn’t.
The ones who didn’t believe didn’t bully the ones who did.
DS had mostly muslim boys in his friendship group so I think their conversations made him realise by himself.
I can’t tell you when eldest DS realised. We never discussed it as a family so even now they’re 17 & 19 I still talk as though Santa is real.

My gentle plan would have been to say when you get to a certain age Santa stops coming because you are too old and don’t play with toys and his job is to make and deliver toys.

My ds is the most popular boy and at 13 he was saying “oh come on mum I know he’s not real” just tell me . I would smile and say he is real .

We kept this going .
Your son may know and wouldn’t say to or in front of his friends . He wants to keep it alive at home .

I don’t feel there is a need for a deceleration .

Hmmmm could you somehow get him involved in the magic, take it in turns doing elfie? If there are younger siblings or cousins or something?

Maybe if you are catholic or Christian or whatever, but those of us who dispise the catholic church are very clear that we are having nothing to do with any saint business.

I was a 1960s kid too and my dad told me the truth about santa when I was 9, i hadn't a clue and I was devastated.

I think the trick is to drop hints slowly as they grow up.

Eg. Santa only doing stockings and not bringing anything else, I also dropped in right from the start that I did DH's stocking because he was a grown up. That sort of thing.

I didn't need to tell my youngest, ever. And I think my eldest probably believed in yr 7 (lockdown...). But it slowly dawned.
These days however, no (feigning) belief = no stocking!

So now I can get grumpy if my overexcited teens won't at least pretend to be asleep at Stocking O'Clock!

Saint Nicholas is a Christian Saint, though. And Catholics believe the saints pray for us so in that sense I guess Santa is still working his magic!