Keep the magic or he should grow up now

My mum said to me the other day “you believed til your were about 12 didn’t you?”
I had to break the news to her that I worked out in primary school he didn’t exist but I didn’t have the heart to break it to her (plus I thought it might mean I got less gifts!)

People really ought to give kids more credit, they aren’t stupid.

Kids don't talk about Santa in secondary. You never ruin the magic, they work it out themselves. I've never told mine or been told.

Of course they don't, as none of them believe it, but if he's getting upset that "Elfie" hasn't made an appearance, I wouldn't be risking it.

My 11 year old knows, but he plays along. I wont say either way, but he sussed it. I think I pretended for a few years to my parents I believed so as not to spoil christmas. Maybe just make it obvious, tell him elf magic stops at 11 but he can move him with you for fun. With regards to santa, his friends will tell him anyway, so he will know, or suspect.

Please tell him before a kid at school does.

Tbh I don’t feel Christmas lost its magic for us :-

I explained at a young age to mine that parents bought the big presents and Father Christmas dealt with the stocking. That way he understood if one of his friends didn’t get much for Christmas it wasn’t because they were bad it was all down to what their parents were able to afford.

Keep the magic alive. He probably already knows.

All the adults still get stocking in our family 😁i’ve explained to the DC that santa only
comes to children, but that it’s nice to get a stocking so grownups get them for each other too. Hopefully they’ll be able to let go of the idea of santa when the time comes without worrying they’ll lose out on stockings!

It may be that your DS has twigged but is worried about losing the magic. It might be worth talking ‘generally’ about christmas traditions to your DS, emphasising how magical and fun it all is and showing that you, as an adult, still find Christmas exciting.

If it seems like he genuinely has no clue, though, please do tell him - don’t let it come from some kid at school who will make him feel like shit for believing it.

(also, is it just me or do kids seem to believe in santa for far longer these days than when we were young? I knew from about 6 or 7 and that was in the mid 90s - a child who believed in santa age 11 would be unheard of! not saying this is a good or bad thing, just an observation - i wonder why this is?)

They don't talk about it because they don't believe it.

A kid that still believes might talk about it. But as bullying never happens in secondary school, I'm sure it'll be fine.

We still do stockings for everyone and I still sneak dhs stuff into his for a surprise on Xmas morning. Knowing doesn’t mean you need to stop the game.
I still make a wish when I blow out birthday candles but I don’t think I ever genuinely “believed” in wishing.

Like others say, get good old Elfie out and involve Ds in suggesting things he should do.

I've told my 11 about the elf this year and making less of a thing about santa. She does have mild special needs. Santa, i don't want to crush her about so gradual process. She doubted aged 3 but I promised her it was true. Her younger sister is 8 and was told about the elf at school.

Well it's not "absolute nonesense" is it. It's one thing to keep up the pretence at home, that's fine and a bit of innocent fun. But if a child of 11 goes to school really believing in Father Christmas his life will potentially (and most probably) be made hell. Children can be very cruel and we're talking about kids going into puberty where bullying can have lasting consequences. I know what I'd rather do for my son but obviously with care and kindness.

Crikes! Your not wanting to sugar the pill. By all means have a conversation that father Christmas doesn't exist but don't make him feel guilty because he's getting presents!

Kids don't talk about Santa in secondary. You never ruin the magic, they work it out themselves. I've never told mine or been told.

I really don't get the idea that you have to tell children as they'll be bullied... truly as a teacher there aren't a lot of conversations around about Santa in secondary and he's very likely to have had to negotiate them in primary. A school with children that would use this to torment others has bigger problems which you'd already know about and they wouldn't wait for Santa as an excuse to bully him! I agree he may well know but still like the magic, so by all means suspend the disbelief unless you also watch films with him pointing out the stunt doubles and explaining how the plots are not really realistic. Assuming you are not using Santa as a terrifying threat or anything, it's a very innocent tradition that suggests the universe might have spontaneous lovely things in it. For goodness sake keep the tradition and don't make a big deal of sitting him down to tell him about it. Working out about Santa is part of learning how you can not believe in someone's tradition but still honour it, being kind to younger siblings, etc etc.

I think the parents are mostly doing it for themselves these days. We all managed to enjoy Christmas without the Elf, Christmas Eve box, increasingly extravagant visits to Santa etc. it's getting a lot now and then parents wonder why the kids are basically climbing the walls from the 1st December.

I think Santa was more believable when there was just a vague idea of him, the whole story with sending the Elves in advance thing had just got so convoluted.

Reading this, maybe parents need to teach their kids not to be bullying arseholes.

This. 1000 times this.
They are just playing along - just like most of us did when we figured it out.

Absolute nonsense. They know but play the game. No need to say it outright.

IME, parents now seem to put far more effort into ‘the magic of Christmas’, which they see as synonymous with ‘believing in Father Christmas’. Now many of the ‘traditional religion-based elements’ of Christmas - crib, Christingle and carol services, carol singing round the town - as well as the lower key ‘Father Christmas coming round on the Rotary sleigh’ or ‘walk round town to see the lights’ or collecting the Christmas tree have declined, a hyper-focus on the importance of ‘belief in Santa’ seems to have taken its place.

Oh leave him! We had this with our DV last year, summer born just started secondary… I foolishly thought I should say something and started a convo only to get a LOOK that stopped me in my tracks, and a ‘are you trying to ruin Xmas’ from my Child!
They knew/ semi still believed. We had Christmas. Santa came. Now this year Santa ( wink wink) is still doing stockings apparently…

And risk that he does somehow still believe and goes into school and says something?

He'd be toast with the other kids if he did that.

My dc still “believe” - 13 and 16. Not once have they been bullied for it. They clearly do know. Dd1 is nearly 17. Just keep playing the game. I still get a Father Christmas stocking when we stay at my parent’s house (usually gin and chocolate these days). At 42 I’ve never confessed I don’t believe 😂

Tell him so he's not laughed at but keep up with the traditions.
If I can still get a stocking in my mid fifties I'm sure your ds can.

Agree. Leave him be. He'll work it out. No one told me outright. He might be playing along as he loves the tradition. Sitting him down and saying 'the last 11 years of your christmasses has been a lie' (or something to that effect) is totally unnecessary