AIBU to be mildly irritated at this situation on Christmas Eve?

Spending 3 hours plus on the roads with 2 small children on what could possibly be the busiest day of the year for traffic is utter madness.

Decline and do so now, don't wait a week or so. You are being kind and considerate to the person with dementia to visit at some other time.

visit and drop gifts to the others earlier on Christmas Eve then stay home and enjoy your little ones.
someone should push for any support for the relative with dementia - I feel for them 💔

Especially on Christmas Eve, which most people would agree is a peak day of excitement for small kids.

It's always fine to refuse things that are completely small child unfriendly.

Right choice not to go. Also they could be putting undue pressure on B if she gets embarrassed at not being able maintain the house (understandable at her age). My elderly mum struggles with her house and has cleaners but if she didn’t and the house was not clean, having guests would make her very stressed. If my mum couldn’t afford cleaners I would either clean her house or pay for cleaners for her.

I think your relatives will envy you your chilled Christmas Eve, but they have made their bed.

Wouldn’t do a Christmas Eve trip with a 6 hour return journey even as just adults, that’s a bit mad. I wonder if the family are going to clean the house up before the get together?

We alway go to a relatives on Xmas eve it's a lovely family get together. Before kids it started at 7, since kids kids it now starts at 4 and we generally leave around 7pm

Lone parent too here OP. Life is exhausting enough without this shitshow on Xmas eve.

Have a lovely chilled one at home!

I also had my father pass from Dementia a couple of years ago, nothing used to stress him out more than hoards of people in his house. Equally though he'd get confused when we were elsewhere or he'd visit my home so you can't really win with that one.

Definitely wouldn’t be going.. I think a 3 hour round trip with 2 little ones on the most exciting night of the year for them is odd anyway. Like another post said, stay home and do all the lovely bits..watch the news for the sleigh tracking, laying out mince pies for Santa, carrots for reindeer
Just arrange a date before or after Christmas to see family. My family is quite big and a tight squeeze in anyone’s house so we our having our get together this weekend in a nice restaurant… takes the pressure off massively

With little kids you have a good excuse to not do anything you don't want to do - just say they're too tired or make up another excuse and have a nice Christmas Eve at home.

I'd make this the start of Christmas Eve's at home while your kids are young OP, as taking them out anywhere on Christmas Eve as they get older, will only result in tiredness and temper tantrums as all the excitement gets too much for them.

That sounds really difficult when the OP has a baby and a 3yo.

Absolutely skip this event.

Even at A's house, it sounds stressful, but B's house is a ridiculous idea.

The only good thing that will come of this is that everyone will see how appalling B's living conditions are and get motivated to do something about it.

Good decision OP, I wouldn't dream of bringing children into that environment.
Not suitable for children and not appropriate for your relative with dementia.

Have a lovely evening at home.

Just a plain no, doesn't work for us....we want to stay home this Christmas Eve. No need to lie. Just state what you are doing and wish everyone a lovely time. I wouldn't definitely not go and I would definitely not feel bad about it.

I think aside from your young children being better at home Xmas eve to do pre Christmassy things. The thing I find difficult to comprehend is a hoard of people turning up to a horse with someone who has dementia. I know when my mum had dementia she found it hard to cope with lots of people, noise, being out of her routine. Even on Xmas day where previously she would enjoy herself, once dementia took hold she would only manage dinner and an hour or so and then wanted to go home Something that can also occur is Sundowning Syndrome and can cause additional confusion, sadness, anger and can be brought on by overstimulation. Does she normally have lots of people over. I think your family need to think about what they're wanting to achieve with a gathering at her house

I see you have decided not to go

But my thought when I read it was about B finding it easier to use the bathroom etc in their own home as everything is there ready to be used

Maybe a commode or change of clothes if there is an accident

If none of these are relevant I think it could just be that the children of B just want them to have and enjoy one last Christmas in their own home

Nope. Not happening in my world. Just say you will leave them.all to it.

Make it a house cleaning party for relative that obviously needs help. This would be a fantastic gift to them all the relatives can participate. You can put your baby in a travel cot. How is it you've all let it get like this?

Stay home . Make your own traditions and enjoy it being a bit more relaxing for all of you . Especially with such young children

With 2 kids of this age you are are entitled to do your own thing. Christmas can be stressful enough. Maybe plan to take your elderly relative out for lunch after Christmas, so they get to see your kids.

I couldn't be doing with that these days.

Even when we were young it was accepted that grandparents, great aunts enjoyed lunch, a cup of tea, piece of cake and homeward bound .

Forced jollities are exhausting.

This ⬆️ My Aunt and cousins were always trying to make my Nan participate in 3 day long get togethers which she simply didn't want- no matter how well intentioned.