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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you'd be happy with this xmas do?Just want opinions.

123 replies

ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 12:53

I am not the (supposed) typical MNer when it comes to socialisation. I love a party or 'do', I don't mind going out after dark, I don't see anything wrong with a good booze-up providing it isn't every night, I even answer my door (I am being lighthearted here just in case you were wondering)!

I am quite looking forward to my work Christmas event, which consists of a 'team day' (which I think consists of some learning and some 'team building' activities), starting at 12:30 in the Marriot. I don't know how long this goes on for, they haven't said.

The evening consists of us arriving (at a different venue) at 19:00, dinner, dancing, disco and then at 00:30 we leave.

This may sound all good and fun BUT;

We all WFH. We all live within the UK.

This will be the first time a lot of us have ever met (most of us, in fact as the team has expanded a lot this year so only a handful of us aren't new).

With the exception of a few of us, the majority of us live in a different country to the venue(s).

I would be looking at around a 4.5 hour drive, which I do not want to do on account of unpredictable weather both in the destination and where I live.

Work are paying for our train fare or petrol and hotel stay.

To get the train involves a 05:30 ish? Start maybe even earlier-the train is at around 07:00 in my nearest city. There are several changes.

This affects the evening before, for me as I will have to be in bed very early compared to normal.

It also means the majority of the next day is also taken up as a lot of it will be spent travelling back, packing/unpacking etc.

I am not even the one who is furthest away. One colleague's journey is 9 and a half hours!

Some are having to get flights.

I would be happy for work to send us all £20 and say 'let's meet up on Teams and have a few glasses of fizz together!

AIBU?

I am quite looking forward to it, in a way but I will arrive shattered and grumpy, It's guaranteed, and I doubt I'll be the only one!

OP posts:
eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 14:19

It's work... it's once a year. Suck it up.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 14:16

Fivebedexecutivehome · 04/12/2024 14:10

This. Lots of people get up pre-6am for work every day. I've been on many training courses etc that involve a 4 hr journey, and then gotten up at 6 and gone to work again the next day!

It's a one off. From your description it doesn't really sound like the "do" is the main focus - it sounds like they've deliberately created an opportunity to do some actual team building.

Lots of companies are dismantling WFH more or less totally- I'd be happy to go along with one that was willing to in person team building once a year.

Show quote history

This job is WFH, no 'office' other than the head office where nobody who does my job or my colleague's jobs work. It was the same in my previous position.

The one I had before that was one day a week in the office and one weekend day a month in the office but not every month, so I guess I am a bit out of the 'real world'.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 14:14

I have just been given an itinerary and it is definitely more 'fun' than anything else. The training/work 'thing' is 3 hours. Then secret santa, 'guess who' activities (which I am also confused about)! then an hour to get ready then drinks, dinner etc.

The 'Guess who' thing, we have to pick a guilty pleasure. I don't feel guilty about any of my 'pleasures' and I don't think I have any interesting ones at all --unless they're NSFW' 😂

OP posts:
Fivebedexecutivehome · 04/12/2024 14:10

midgetastic · 04/12/2024 13:04

So you all work remotely and work is fully paying for you all to meet up for team bullring and then hosting a party afterwards ?

To get up at 530 ONE day you don't need to do much different the day before

I would make the effort to go - partly because I value work form home so making the occasional effort seems well worth it to me

This. Lots of people get up pre-6am for work every day. I've been on many training courses etc that involve a 4 hr journey, and then gotten up at 6 and gone to work again the next day!

It's a one off. From your description it doesn't really sound like the "do" is the main focus - it sounds like they've deliberately created an opportunity to do some actual team building.

Lots of companies are dismantling WFH more or less totally- I'd be happy to go along with one that was willing to in person team building once a year.

Sortumn · 04/12/2024 14:09

To be honest I can see what they're thinking - a chance to get to know your colleagues followed by the do.

The fact that WFH is supported is great and I'm inclined to think that the flexibility this must provide deserves a bit of flexibility in return.

If I add up the amount of time and fuel I've saved by not doing an hour + commute and working from home, then an evening is nothing in the scale of things. I'm soon to be in the office 3 days per week so that's 6+ hours I lose along with a tank of fuel.

Maybe there is a problem with this being sold to you as a fun thing, rather than mandatory training with hopefully some sweeteners thrown in.

My concerns would be would there be enough colleagues there that I deal with regularly for me to feel like there are people there that I know? There's nothing worse than feeling like a stranger in a crowd and it's pointless mixing with strangers who aren't your colleagues.

Yes, the travel is a pain but it is paid for along with the hotel. I think anyone travelling more than x hours should have the hotel provided so that they can travel the evening before.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 14:09

MagpiePi · 04/12/2024 14:03

Is the hotel in a nice town or city that you could spend a couple of hours in on the Saturday? Does the hotel have a spa or pool or anything?

I did think about this, yes it is, I even considered staying over the extra night and having a little break but the hotels are either booked up, grotty or extortionate. I think if the hotel let us leave our bags I will have a look around on the Saturday.

I am going to check out the facilities of the hotel and if they let you use them after checkout.

OP posts:
tiaa54742025 · 04/12/2024 14:07

That's insane. Totally unmanageable? If it was a 3-day convention, maybe, but for a Xmas party? I'm sure your company means well, but it almost sounds like they don't expect many to be able to attend, and hey, kudos to those who do make the effort.
If I had to fly in to attend a social party with people I don't know, and who don't know me, I wouldn't.
But hey, don't listen to me; I also don't answer my door! LOL

cantthinkofausername26 · 04/12/2024 14:07

Nice idea but no chance!

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 04/12/2024 14:06

I don't think it would bother me. I save a good hour every day on my working from home days, so I can't get worked up when I occasionally have to do an evening or weekend commute every few months or so. Plus I love a Christmas piss up.

MrsSchnickelfritz · 04/12/2024 14:05

Friday is sneaky because it means they don't have to pay you all a salary for travelling back home.

It's a shame they haven't arranged it for a Thursday with an optional stay on Wednesday night for those travelling a distance. Then travel home on the Friday would be in your normal working hours.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 14:03

Cattery · 04/12/2024 13:53

I love a party but sod that x

My favourite response I think 😂

OP posts:
MagpiePi · 04/12/2024 14:03

Is the hotel in a nice town or city that you could spend a couple of hours in on the Saturday? Does the hotel have a spa or pool or anything?

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 14:03

Doggymummar · 04/12/2024 13:50

I was invited to ours, it's in a different country and I declined, as did my colleague who is in a different country again.

Most of us are in different countries to the event. there's 24 of us. Three live in the country the 'do' is in. It just seems bonkers to me but I understand everyone's experience is different.

OP posts:
Margorett · 04/12/2024 14:00

No thanks, sounds my idea of hell !

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 14:00

dreamingofsun · 04/12/2024 13:49

I thought having to travel for hours, and spending the evening with a load of people you didnt really want to talk to and then staying in hotel was the norm. It wasnt really negotiable at our place except for one lady that always seemed to riggle out/go sick.

Surely unpacking doesnt take that long, its not like you are going for a week?

They have been a bit sneeky by choosing a friday though

Of course, I didn't mean I was seriously begrudging that part, It's just, as you say, if I was to travel any sort of distance of my own accord, it would be for family/close friends. This is a big chunk of my weekend and two evenings taken up.

Why do you feel sneaky choosing a Friday please?

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:59

Onlyvisiting · 04/12/2024 13:46

Sounds awful.
If they are gathering people from that kind of distance I think it needs to be more like a weekend event, or at least 1 night, and staying in the same place. A 6 hour piss up and dance (which is utterly shit for non drinkers and not inclusive of anyone who isnt physically mentally able to stand and dance in a crowded room for 6 hours). Weekend retreat type thing where there are different social events to dip in and out of would be more sensible to me. It's way too far to travel for a night out.

I did consider this too.

I do like a drink but I am most definitely not going to drink a lot among people I don't know.

They are paying for us to stay over the night of the party, we just have to get there for 12:30 that day

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 04/12/2024 13:59

I wouldn't even get out of bed for team building exercises.

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:57

TennisWithDeborah · 04/12/2024 13:44

I like partying too. But I’d get the train home after the dinner on the Friday evening I think and swerve the late evening part. Even if it meant getting home after midnight on Friday - I’d want my Saturday to myself.

I would be very doubtful that there even are any reliable trains if I am honest. Any late train I have caught in the last few years has had some sort of problem with it (cancellations, delays, not meeting the 'connecting' train, bus replacement)...

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:56

livanlaterlaterlater · 04/12/2024 13:40

Crikey all these moaners !Consider yourself lucky that you work for a company that makes an effort and pays for a fabulous day out!
Many people have to work 12 hour shifts all over Christmas and get sweet FA from their employer.

I used tobe one of them (ex public service) so I do understand it is nice of them.

I just wish it wasn't so far!

If 4 (or more) hours on a packed train is your idea of a fabulous day out though I do want some of your lust for life Wink I know I will probably enjoy some of it once I am there although a lot of it will be effort-driven, you're never fully relaxed among colleagues you don't really know? Or at least I find that I am not.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:53

rookiemere · 04/12/2024 13:39

Oh sorry I just saw your update about traveling back on the Saturday.
Mmm I would be tempted to leave after the work bit then tbh.

I would look a bit of a killjoy though wouldn't I? And not taking up their hotel stay is a bit CF.

OP posts:
Cattery · 04/12/2024 13:53

I love a party but sod that x

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:53

rookiemere · 04/12/2024 13:38

You are sounding a bit curmudgeonly OP. Go or don't go, but your employers are trying to do a nice thing by getting everyone together and covering your travel and hotel costs.

I would check what is actually happening at 12.30. It may be lunch before the afternoon session, in which case you could ask if you can skip that and therefore get up a bit later. I would expect your journey home the next day to be in work time.

It's hardly a Herculean struggle to pack and unpack an overnight bag, but if it feels like it is,it's probably a good indication that you shouldn't go.

I am aware of this 😂hence why I will make the effort to go. No of course it isn't a struggle, I am just unhappy that a non-working day is taken up. I will reframe though, I hear what some people are saying.

OP posts:
needsomewarmsunshine · 04/12/2024 13:52

OP your work do can fuck right off, all sounds totally stupid on so many levels with travel times or flying in. What planet are some people on?

Original poster
ThatBliddyWoman · 04/12/2024 13:51

Mipil · 04/12/2024 13:26

It’s not a Christmas do though, it’s a training and team building day with a Christmas party in the evening. I assume the day time activities aren’t optional? What are the normal policies for travel/accommodation/expenses if you have to attend a meeting or training away from your normal place of work? Would they pay for accommodation the night before if you needed to leave at 5.30am to attend a meeting?

I would guess that they are holding the training and team building event in the afternoon to get around the tax rules for social events. The maximum allowance for social functions is £150 per person per year including travel and accommodation. More than that, you would have to pay tax on it as a benefit. If you are attending a training event, the travel and accommodation costs (which will be a lot for those coming from abroad) will not be taxable as it is a business event.

They aren't mandatory, I know one colleague isn't attending (has a good reason) and nothing has been said about it. It has been framed as some training but they've also asked us to answer 'guess who' questions (for 'team building' I guess)so a bit of forced fun rather than actual work.

I have worked here since January and never had to travel anywhere, nor have any of my colleagues, I was asked to be on site once but it fell through, but that would be an hour commute there and back and expenses paid. Meetings all remote.

That is interesting about tax. I am guessing they'll frame it as a work 'thing' but it actually isn't hence them not making it mandatory although as I've said, not attending because 'It's too far' would probably deem me a 'non-team-player' and wouldn't look good for any of us.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 04/12/2024 13:50

I was invited to ours, it's in a different country and I declined, as did my colleague who is in a different country again.