Childs dad may be in prison. I am at breaking point

Even if he is acquitted the doubts and suspicions may still be there. Let’s not forget not everyone aquiitted is innocent just like not one everyone convicted is guilty. Miscarriages of justice okay they don’t happen every day but they’re a total rarity either, are they.

They can’t disclose where he is because they can’t breach his confidentiality and you have no legal right to know unless he chooses to tell you.

Though if he is on remand it will be court ordered and therefore a matter of public record.

It’s him choosing to stay out of contact. The police, SS etc, cannot tell you where he is unless he gives them permission to do so.

He's probably on a psych ward if the police can't disclose where he is.

He will not take you to court for access. These men always say they will as a form of control. They are liars. When it comes down to it they don't care enough about their kids to spend the money and time actually doing it. Believe me, I've been there.

He's gong to take you to court for access?

Hahahah - he can't even be bothered to get in touch to find out how his small child is.

Even if he is not convicted for offences against the (other) ex and her child, he left your baby in a car park - and lied about it to you (only a few seconds etc etc) . So how would you ever allow him unsupervised access?. And how great do you think that is for your child?

It isn't the police's and social workers job to tell you where he is. He is an adult who is CHOOSING not to make contact with you. The only person 'keeping you in the dark' is him.

It is outrageous that he is not bothering to keep in contact with your child (he would be allowed to, if on remand) but everything he has done is outrageous, and none of it desirable in a child's life, or yours.

He has always said he would take your to court to fight for access.
I doubt it he couldn’t keep it in his pants before his son was born and then got someone else pregnant.
He left your son in the car at a supermarket and staff had to call police.
He’s not exactly father of the year and doesn’t sound like he that bothered about his children.
You don’t need to stress about him, it’s highly unlikely he would get access unless supervised and that’s sometime in the future If he bothers at all.

Stop chasing him. None of this is your responsibility, or really even your business. Why are you phoning multiple police stations to find out what is happening? They shouldn’t be releasing any information to you, it’s nothing to do with you.

Sit back, look after your child.

Put in a child maintenance claim, it’ll find it or it won’t, at some point he’ll be out of prison and you want that claim to be pre-existing.

If he gets in touch, then you allow supervised contact. If he’s this much of a nightmare I’d take it to court for it to be court ordered supervised contact.

There’s nothing you can or need to do right now. If he’s not in contact with you then it’s not as if he’s asking to see you or his child so right now it’s a non-issue.

Police aren’t going to give out information to anyone who doesn’t absolutely need it or have a legal right to have it, so calling the police isn’t going to get you anywhere.

For now, forget about it and live your life as usual. If or when you hear something else then you can make further decisions then.

Stop trying to get in touch with his ex as you know she doesn’t like you so nothing good would come of it if she did speak. Your son is your only priority and I would be making sure he is protected as it could be all true, he left you when you were pregnant. All you’ve seen is him visiting your son and not him having him one to one. He left you for someone else whilst you were pregnant without giving a thought to you and unborn baby, you say his relationship with ex was toxic but was it really? Or are you being fed lies to keep you sweet in case he wants to come back? You have a gorgeous son and should realise by now he did you a favour by leaving as he is a cheat and a liar and had he stayed you could be you the one having to go to the police to report abuse of your son.

Jeez. Cut thst loser off

Is he the one that left the child in the car at a supermarket and the staff called the police?

He left you while you were pregnant
He involved himself in fathering another child while your baby was still tiny
The charges against him are serious and substantiated enough for them not to have been dropped over all these months
It may be that he is found guilty of abuse and child abuse-would you want that in your child's life?
He is not bothering to contact you or take an interest in your baby. People on remand are allowed phone calls, letters etc.

I honestly don't know why you would pursue this. I would be doing my best NOT to have him in my child's life. Setting your child up for a lifetime of disappointment, forgotten/ cancelled visits, a father who can't be bothered with them, or worse, a Dad in prison.

Let go.

Sounds a waster .
Cut off this mess.

"I've always allowed contact as I wanted my son to have his dad in his life."
It is not about what you want. It is about how things are.

I don't know if you have this urge because your own childhood was not great and you wanted different for your child, or if you pine for this man because you're in love, or because you don't want to admit your child is not the result of a loving relationship with a good man, but of some ons or brief situationship with a lowlife. And it's really ok to feel this way or to have had these aspirations.

But you need to stop and look at things as they are: the father of your child is accused of abuse and violence up to the point he was incarcerated. On top, he seems to have never been in a solid committed relationship with you.

So, you give your head a solid wobble, handle your dreams and your grief on your own, and you stop projecting these fantasies on a suspected abuser. Even if the accusations are false, I really wouldn't push to make a dad/son relationship happen. It's up to the father to act as a father, not to you to facilitate it for him.

I know I am terribly rough, and I actually would like to give you a big hug, but it's how it is.

You have a duty to safeguard your DC and on the information supplied all you can do is cut him off. Don't take risks with your childs safety, especially when you aren't being forced to by a court.