To ask how you juggle childcare and work?

Yes, that’s fair. I am definitely better rested. This year is my first year of one drop. It was a year of one at school and one at nursery and that was awful.

School is logistically harder, but I am at least less knackered. I'll take it.

You can’t work from home with a toddler IME. When they’re at nursery I think it’s easier as there’s no school holidays etc. you can use your annual leave occasionally for life admin or personal errands. School is harder IMO!

Your DH is going to either have to help, or pick up more of the slack financially if you have to work less hours to fit in drop offs and pick ups.

Both DH and I are FT. I drop them off at 7.30 and head to work, whilst DH goes in early. He then leaves work at 4 so he can pick up by 5. We plan an easy menu during the week so we can eat by 6 and then we have an hour with the kids before showers and bed. Saturdays we ferry to various activities - one does this and the other stays at home and blitzes the washing - Sunday we have quality family time. We have a cleaner and food shop is delivered.

If I had to do both drop offs and pick up I would need to reduce my hours to 28.

If you can get a job where you can work from home and the nursery is close to home then, IME, it is manageable. 4 day week is nice as get some quality time with toddler outside of weekends and breaks the week up for the toddler too. If you had a lengthy commute to an office, it would be stressful.

I worked 3 days a week part time when DD was small and we put her into a nursery round the corner from my work 2 days a week (my Mum had her for the third day which we were v grateful for).

I was lucky to work in a team with flexible hours, so I'd drop her off at 8.45 and be at my desk for 9, then pick her up just after 5 and home by 5.30, then a quick tea, bath and bed. Those days were exhausting and I would have massively struggled doing it 5 days a week.

In hindsight a nursery nearer home would have been better as it got difficult if I was ever off work sick (it also made me 100% responsible for drop offs and pick ups, but DH helped when he could). We didn't have that option unfortunately as we lived in a small village.

She's now at school and I've flexed my hours again to do a mix of working from home and in the office across 4 days instead of 3, so I can do all school drop offs and most pick ups.

I agree with PP you and your DH need to look at this as a team rather than you being completely responsible for it. Good luck!

I work 3 days (from home). I drop off at 8 and DH collects at 5. We do a lot of batch cooking at the weekend. I whizz round cleaning for 30mins in the morning before I start at 9. DH wfh 2 days and between us we sort washing etc in our lunch breaks. After tea we also sort housework etc.

You absolutely cannot wfh with a toddler. WFH is very useful for cutting the commute time though.

Your partner works long hours now, however he has also had a baby and his life needs to change too. I guarantee you the women doing his job work their hours around their children in some form.

Pre covid we were both in the office every day, DH did drop off and I did pick up (mostly). Nowadays I wfh a lot so that makes things easier.

Remember this is not just your problem to solve, the two of you need to work together to come up with a solution. Don't let him pull the Big Important Man Job crap. It's sexist bullshit.

Also remember it's going to be really shit at first but you will hit your stride and it will get easier. Lower your standards wherever possible (except for your standards for your partner to be an involved parent - up those).

Why are you just accepting that your partner doesn't need to parent?

And there's absolutely no way I could work at home with a toddler. Toddlers need attention, stimulation, exercise and fresh air and I just couldn't do this stuck to a laptop. Its harmful to both toddler, parent and your work. Also it's a scakable offence in most organisations anyway.

How are you the village on your own if you have a husband? Your child has two parents and the juggle of childcare and working hours shouldn't fall solely to you. Your husband has equal responsibility and he needs to ensure he's providing support and being flexible, I fail to believe in this day and age, jobs don't allow this. There seems to be no end of posts about men who work long hours and whose life carries on as normal and aren't available to help yet women seem to be able to fit their hours around childcare and expected to do everything.

In answer to your question, me and my husband both work full time. The nursery is at my husbands work which helps. We do simple meals, batch cook, slow cook, pre chopped and frozen veg etc. One will put the toddler to bed while the other spends half an hour on housework or on days when we work from home, we can fit stuff in before and after our work and during lunch.

It depends on the type of job that you have. Working full-time from home with a toddler is close to impossible though. You would be tearing your hairs out of frustration and it could negatively impact your relationships/marriage or make you resentful towards you child. If you have an easy, low-demanding job, the only thing I could suggest in order to maybe save some money on nursery fees, would be to put him in the nursery morning till after lunch, and then put him down for a 2-h nap straight after coming home. But this requires a lot of discipline and he might not nap everyday, so this again might make you frustrated. Also, lots of posters here are upset that their toddlers get so ill often at nursery, so I'd suggest a childminder/family member for very young toddlers if you have that option... Good luck!

You cannot WFH with a toddler. Take it from those of us who had to do it during Covid. You will be shit at everything and slowly lose your mind. Tbh I'm not sure I've ever really recovered.

Nursery is expensive but great - they cater for working parents. Ours was open 7.30am-6.30pm. It gets much, much harder when they're at school - our afterschool club is fully booked with waiting lists. We managed to get a childminder but I know a lot of women at the school who work fewer hours than they'd like because of the lack of childcare.

If your husband can't work more flexibly - and I would question why this is when you have to - then you'll have to either pay for childcare or reduce your hours. Personally we are very fortunate to both WFH most of the time, with one or two days in the office a week. So we try as far as possible to be in the office on different days, and the one at home flexes their hours to be able to do drop off and pick up. We have backup from one grandparent if desperate. Working for forward-thinking companies with flexible working and understanding managers is key.

Life is going to be tough for you if you have a partner working long hours and you are also working FT. Where I know couples where the man works silly hours it's usually because the job is well paid enough to enable his wife to work part time or be a SAHM (not a set up I'd have wanted but just my experience).

I was a lone parent and I tried working full time but ultimately went down to 4 days for the sake of my sanity, then I'd book my child into nursery on my non-working day every couple of months to give myself a day off. It was still hard going.

Absolute hard no to caring for a toddler regularly whilst working. That's not fair to work or your child and you can't possibly do both to a good standard.

Depends on your childcare options and available funds what will work best for you tbh.

After my mat leave with DC1 I went back 4 days a week (30hrs) 9.30-5.30pm, was entirely office based initially. I used to walk to drop DC1 at nursery, walk to bus stop, bus to office. DH was a full time student at the time but largely on placements either 8-4 or 9-5, so he used to pick DC1 up from nursery just before 6 and walk home with them. We picked a nursery a few mins walk from our house and our DC2 is still there.

That was 3 days a week - the other day I used to walk DC1 to my DM's house a few mins away and she'd care for her until DH got back to collect her around 6pm. After a few months I was then able to WFH one of the nursery days which meant I could start work at 9 and have my full hour lunch break at home to do some chores and could quickly cook dinner in time for DH arriving home with DC1 too once I'd finished work.

Look at the numbers. I was better off working 5 days because nursery heavily discounted the 5th day.

Yes it’s an awful struggle - always racing to get there for pick up, poor dc always one of the last to go home! Dc falling asleep in the car and having almost no time to wind down before tea, bath and bed.

I did compressed hours so on one day a week I finished early and had an afternoon with dc.

you need to become super-organised and fabulous at meal planning, batch cooking, and “swift easy meals” for dinner like baked beans on English muffins with a poached egg.

we did better with dc2 because we shared drop off and pick up, so I started work early (by 8am) and finished earlier.

wfh helps but you still need dc in nursery - impossible and unkind to try and do both job of mum and job of work.

I would agree that partner will have to make himself more available rather than expecting you to bend everything to make it fit, remember, they are his children too so you are not the only village.
With my ds currently I work full time, nursery 2 days a week and family the other 3. I do drop off at 8am and partner does pick ups and evening bits for me to get home when I finish at 5. Impossible to WFH with a toddler unfortunately, I totally understand the dilemma as I will be considering this when I return from Mat Leave for my 2nd who is due in April.

I get breakfast and get kids up before I head to work, leaving the house at 730am.

DH job is more flexible than mine, he does drop off at 8am and pick ups at 530pm, takes 20mins in the morning and 40min in the evening. He works in the evening to catch up any work that he had to pause for pick-ups. He WFH most of the week and sticks the slow cooker on in his lunch break (I prep it the night before).

Occasionally my neighbour or a local friend will do pick-up for us, or even more rarely grandparents, if DH is away with work (one of them works mornings only and the other also WFH). We've had to do this 3 times in the last 15months.

It will all change soon when eldest starts school in September as we navigate different hours and term times!

Your partner will have to make his schedule more flexible.

I'd be fuming if I hired you and found out you were looking after a toddler.

You can't work and look after a toddler at the same time. They are very full on. If you hear parents WFH and looking after the children, the kids are at least in KS2. Mine are 10 and 13. I won't trust them at home on their own if I'm out of the house from 8 to 6, but they totally would not come and bother me.

WFH helps if you have children in nursery because you won't struggle with nursery or childminder pick up and drop off. When DC are little, DH has a local job and he does all the pick ups and drop offs. I had an hour commute each way and if there were accidents on the motorway, I'm screwed. If DH was away, I left the office at 3pm just to be sure I'll be home before 6pm for pick up. I worked from home when I got back home and then pick up just before 6pm.

I have never worked part time and I took the DC for ballet, gymnastics and swimming in the weekend. It's actually much harder to fit clubs in when they get older. So much more are after school but DH and I both now WFH and we can juggle a 4pm finish between the two of us.

My husband does drop offs then I collect. If you don’t have that set up it will be hard on you. You need to look at nurseries close to you, the hours they offer and the cost and work out how it would work. Then look for a job that pays enough and suits those hours. Also look at your local schools now. Do they offer early breakfast clubs and after school clubs until 5pm or 6pm? In a way it gets harder when they are at school.
talk to your husband, what can he realistically do to help with childcare?
it’s a stressful time but millions of people do it and get into a routine. Trick is easy midweek meals, a routine to your washing etc. it will be ok

You and your partner would need to apply for a flexible working request so that you can cover the drop off and collecting. You’ll also need to cover between you days off work when your DC is ill and school holidays

No, no and no. This is why more people will be dragged back five days to the office because some people haven't the common sense or critical thinking skills to realise this isn't a question.

You both need to work together to find a solution. Just because something is as now, i.e. his job hours does not mean it stays the same.

Don't take on sorting everything that will set you up for the full responsibility. It isn't it's both of yours? What happens if you injure yourself and are unavailable to do drops for a period? You both need to identify a solution that works for you both.

WFH with a toddler will be a very bad idea!

unfortunately I had to find a new part time job for those years. One of my DC is 10 now and we’ve had no wrap around care at primary since Covid. Most jobs finish at 5.30 but after school clubs end at 4pm!

So frustrating. I guess it all depends on where you live and availability of childcare services