To ask how you juggle childcare and work?

Both me and my partner dropped to 4 days a week (me 80% FTE, him compressed hours). Meant we only needed 3 days a week of nursery, which was open 8-6 (although we used it more 9.30 to 6). Generally I did morning drop offs, partner did pick ups. But a lot of flexibility was required. Me dropping to 3 days a week was never an acceptable option for me as I did not want to be the default parent and the one taking the career hit.

I would have a good look at your finances and think about whether you and or your partner can afford to cut your hours for a lower standard of living. That's what I've done and having not much money is definitely worth it for reduced stress and more time with young children. I work 3 days so have 2 days at home and also work around school hours, making up the time in the evenings.

However, as you aren't married you need to be very careful to maintain financial independence as you have absolutely no security if you relationship breaks down. Make sure your partner shares money on a fair basis if you are sacrificing earnings for childcare. Make sure your house is in joint names. Keep up your pension payments

Forced to WFH with a toddler during the pandemic here. Don't do it! Impossible.

Also, my employer has it in the handbook that you can't wfh and look after children.

That toddler is now 8 and had an INSET the other day so I took the day off because I knew if I tried to wfh he would drive me up the wall just as much!

When ours were nursery age - we split the pick ups and drop offs. Each had a day off with the kids too

Now they are in school - wraparound care which feeds them, we work full time but compressed hours to finish early one day each which allows us to take the kids to activity.

School holidays are fine - mix of annual leave and clubs

Honestly it's not possible. I wfh and had my 5 yo off sick one day last week. He drove me up the walls!

Partner does either the drop off or the pickup, or alternate. Don't do both and be a Muppet. Expect equality from the get go!

The childcare provides tea. That’s a non negotiable. Even now mine are at school the after school club provides tea. I cook for me and my husband when I get home around 5.30 but the kids are fed so at least it’s just getting them to bed. I found nursery the less demanding as there was less going on outside of nursery in terms of clubs. Now we have clubs 4 nights a week

I work term-time, I really can’t imagine our household working if I had to work in the school holidays. It’s like 13 weeks isn’t it? Well, I can imagine it but it does not sound calm or fun.

I work part time and a big proportion is evenings. DH works from home so no commute/can finish an hour early and so as I leave for work he stops work and starts looking after the kids.

After school club one night a week.

Nursery for DD

You aren't working when the toddler is at home unless another adult is looking after them! You need to look at what childcare is actually available and where it is. Look at journey times and open and close times. You need to allow 5-10 mins for drop off & pick up, and for traffic. So get to nursery when it opens and then get there 10 mins before close, in the worst traffic likely for that journey. That's you longest day. You will probably find that you have to work shorter days than you previously would, if your husband cannot pick up the slack. Also think about sick days etc which are bound to happen when your toddler starts nursery. They aren't generally going to have toddler when he is under the weather, so one of you will need to take time off.

What sort of job does your DH do and why isn't he looking for a job that is suitable to work alongside being a parent, if his current role is truly completely inflexible?

WFH and a toddler not a goer, I'm afraid.

I would recommend going for working 4 days if you can, it's a nicer pace. Doesn't necessarily work out cheaper but it's a better balance.

Evenings are tiring with small kids, there's no two ways about it. Is your husband helpful when he is around? Will he ever be around for DC's bedtime? If so do not let him come home and flop on the sofa and go 'Oh I am sooooo tired, I just need to collapse!' every evening; in fact that's so even if he's back later. He needs to get home and ask what you need from him, or even better know what you need from him and do it. You are working all day too.

I def didn't explain myself well doing to much at once. I did it for 4 years and hated it the stress of work and cost of childcare and look after LO when wfh was too much.

I mention my decision to leave as OP mentioned trying to find a new job I thought I could be something she could consider. Would mean she could work from home and not have to worry about work suffering or childcare. 😊

would it be unreasonable to assume I can look after a toddler whilst I work?

I’m presuming you know the answer to this now!

I am looking for a new job as current job isn’t suitable which is a struggle in itself.

What is your job now and why is it unsuitable? If the answer is ‘because I need childcare’ then you are no different to 95% of people with kids. Most people need childcare, yes. The chances of finding a job where you don’t need any are pretty slim.

Agreed.

Too many men seem to swerve this by ‘he works long hours’. Sure, some jobs are genuinely incompatible with childcare hours, but more often than not the man just isn’t willing to make the adjustments. And it’s not good enough.

My DH has a ‘big job’. He still makes adjustments to accommodate his family.

I used to get an earlier start as DH dropped, he stayed later as I collected, and we juggled diaries to cover each other whenever she got sick. Creche was open 8-6, and she was normally there 8:15 to 5ish, but not uncommon to be nearer 6 at particular crunch times.

I thought you meant she can’t go back to work full time, given your comment about leaving your job.

You need your DH to drop off - dont let him shirk this or you will end up doing everything for your child while he does sweet FA. WFH is great for helping get washing etc done.

We had DD in Creche near the office while she was small - it was a lot easier for her to commute with us and if there were traffic issues, she was with us not leaving staff fretting about us not turning up for hours (that happened a few times that we were hours getting home). And it meant the very odd time we needed to, she came into the office after Creche for a short while so I could finish something off. And we were close by if she got ill during the day (happened a few times early on).

She went in on DH's bike once she was about 15 months old (she was in Creche at 5 months as I only got 14 weeks off and added 4 more unpaid), but by car before that, and home by car with me until she was 2.5, when I shifted to buses again.

I left things ready in the morning to cook dinner as soon as I got in. We sometimes stopped en route for dinner or a snack if the traffic was that bad.

No way could I have worked with her around my feet on a permanent basis. It was tough enough on the days she was sick and I was juggling. And there will be plenty of sick days for lots of reasons.

She's now a very independent and confident 18 year old who taught half her secondary school class how to use the bus in 1st year, and who is living in Amsterdam for university and coming back home frequently for national squad training in her sport. And also works very hard on everything she decides to do as she sees the value of that hard work.

You cannot do a job and look after a toddler at the same time I tried you work suffers 100% and your stressed to the max. Def not worth it. It's better the child is in childcare.

Of course she can do both. Plenty of people do.

You need something flexible - that's the key. My job is 35hours a week but I look after my own diary. I drop my children to school then start my day (wfh but also out in the community). I pause working to pick my children up and then carry on once they are in bed if needed.

You can't wfh and care for a child, like others have said. But you can wft and do a lot of tiny chores, tidying up, basic food prep etc. Obviously depends on the job but in my case, I am just as productive in a meeting if I fold laundry or sit at my desk. So win-win. Plus you save on commute time with wfh so it's still useful.
Can you find something with very late or very early hours? My partner starts at 6am but is home by 2.30. I do the drop off and pick up my little one at 1 (so only 1/2 day for her). I use an longer lunch to spend some time with her until her dad gets home. Then I work in the afternoon while they play.

OP, as a single mum, I managed by using a childminder who lived half way between my home and my office.

I dropped ds off at 8.45 and was at my desk at 9. Then left work at 5.30 and collected him at 5.45.

It worked well, I was nearby if ds was poorly, and he loved having playmates his own age.

WFH really helps with household stuff, you can use your lunch break to prep dinner or do some cleaning. I WFH full time but if the toddler is at home I have to take leave, can't do both.

We hired a part-time nanny to do pick ups and go to the playground, museum etc. and do dinner. But we live in a country with heavily subsidised nursery, in the UK it would probably not be affordable to do both nursery and nanny.

And you really need to alternate with your partner if you both work full time, it can't all fall to one of you.

I changed my hours to 10am - 4pm five days a week. Doesn't make much financial sense as the nursery fees are effectively full time for part time working. BUT it makes a huge difference to the balance between work and home. I can do drop offs every day, squeeze in a few chores and get ahead of the meal prep before pick up. My DH and I alternate between school and nursery runs. We have two DDs going to different places. Works well for us.