Londoners not giving up seats on tube for pregnant women

Pathetic. I am happy to say my children (now over 18 but they always did this) are always eager to offer their seat to anyone who looks like they may need it; pregnant, elderly, infirm, with baby...my son is the type to offer to carry heavy bags or stroller up the steps too. My DD less so but she has a hidden disability (MS) but she will certainly offer her seat.
I remember being very pregnant (my baby was over 10lbs at 37 weeks so I was BIG) and standing on the tube. After a while a man did offer me his seat (he wasn't sitting in a designated one), but actually it was easier for me to remain standing so I thanked him but refused. But when I had to go into central London with a pushchair nobody helped me get it up or down any stairs (no lift at the station). It might add three minutes to someone's journey but would have been so helpful to me.

I was travelling with one of my sons who would have been about 16 when he hopped up to let an older-but-not-super old (maybe early 60s) woman sit.

Oh my god, the song and dance she made about it. My poor son was mortified. She was going on and ON, squealing to anyone in the vicinity 'do I look THAT old?'. Eventually I piped up and said, 'yeah, you do actually'. She shut up and sat down but never showed any grace towards my son for his kindness.

I have no doubt that most people are just feeling lazy, and hope that someone else will offer so they don’t have to…

However… I have seen several times in the past (online comment sections, Tweets, and even letters in the Metro newspaper) comments from men who feel reaallly bitter about being expected to give up their seat. Their attitude is “You chose to get pregnant, so you deal with the consequences – why should I have to suffer?”

Absolutely vile, and honestly gives me incel vibes.

Don't ask an individual, ask generally "Would anyone mind giving me a seat?".

Any time I've seen someone do that, a few people have leapt up.

I always offer my seat to pregnant women/disabled/elderly, but I'd say 50% of the time my offer is declined.
I've also seen men offer and be rebuffed and younger men in particular look a bit embarrassed.
I think if we want this sort of courteous behaviour, there should be an unwritten rule that one accepts graciously.

Ask. It may not be as obvious as you think. As an older person, I frequently get offered a seat so don't think its a matter of impolite people.

Get over the discomfort and ask! I was pregnant 9 years ago and usually had to ask in order to get a seat. Whilst there would be the minority selfishly ignoring so they can remain seated, someone else would always stand up

This is London, you have to assert yourself. Believe me I have a lot of disabled friends and they'll advocate for themselves just fine & let you know if they need the seat.

This reminds me that people frequently offered to give up seats, switch seats etc so I could sit next to my DCs when we got on crowded tubes. This happened all the way up until they were final year of junior school, so not just when they were very little. Once they were old enough to be sensible/not scared and provided I could see them, I would decline but ensured that the person knew I was very grateful for their offer so that they were not put off doing so another time.

I'm sorry, that sounds really uncomfortable.

Maybe it is peculiar to the Piccadilly line? I am on the Victoria line and always get offered a seat.

If it is really crowded though, people sitting can't always see who is standing in the doors - what bugs me now about the tube is that no one moves down, so the entryways are always heaving but along the aisle it is often empty.

Also, if you can position yourself to get on at either end of the tube, you are more likely to be seen/find a seat as these carriages are less crowded.

There has also been a real increase in people going from carriage to carriage asking for money (on the Vic line at least) and as a result, sitting passengers do seem to keep their heads down to avoid eye contact.

Also, now you can get wifi* on more trains, most everyone is nose down in their phone, so yeah, speak up!

(A long-winded answer to a problem you shouldn't be having though!)

*edit to add - I mean mobile service

That's London for you. Did you only just notice it was like that?

Always give my seat up on the tube but it does annoy me when people sit in the priority seats at the end and don’t look up from their phones or books to see if anyone actually needs it.

I had a friend who got on at the end of the line so had the pick of the seats and she’d always choose the priority seat as on that particular line there is a glass panel which she used to rest her head on and go to sleep, therefore never noticing anyone who might actually need it!

You need to learn to use your voice now because you’ll have to start using your voice once babies here as baby won’t be able to speak for themselves!

Yes, I think you need to ask, There are decent people who have just not noticed, I've seen multiple people offering as soon as they see someone else offering.
I do agree that there are also plenty people who will also ignore you whatever you say.

Ask. That’s what I did

Then they'll say no, I need it myself.
You really need to start practising speaking up and advocating for yourself. You're doing this for your unborn child as well as yourself. You may need to do it again as your child grows up.

I'm with the consensus here in that you should ask. People aren't sitting on the train looking around in awareness of you or other pregnant people getting on. Like pp said, my head is buried in my phone on the train but if you'd ask of course I'd give up my seat.

I worked up to 38.5 weeks and looked like a whale, I still asked.

Or, ‘either I sit down or vomit on you’ would also work!

Brilliant!

I’m elderly and look my age - think Keith Richard - and I’m almost always offered a seat on the tube. However, as a pp said, sometimes people get their heads bitten off when offering a seat and once bitten twice shy.

The train we take to London is often very crowded and no one offers anyone - old, pregnant or disabled - a seat. Dh once suggested to a group of young men that one of them offer a seat to an elderly lady with a stick but they just laughed at him.

Not pregnant, but old - surprised at how many times I’ve been offered a seat.
It does seem to depend on luck.
I’ve not ever asked, because I don’t need one after a long train journey into London sitting down.

The only way for me to tolerate a long commute is to switch off - I day dream, read, listen to music. The noise, heat, smells, loud music, conversation make some journeys awful.

I would never / have never deliberately ignored a pregnant lady. Im sure that there have been occasions when I've not seen a pregnant lady enter my tube carriage - it's difficult when it's incredibly busy, you can't see a badge (because the person isn't facing you) and their clothing makes it difficult to determine if they're pregnant or carrying extra weight.

Please just ask.

Ask generally, don’t ask an individual and it’s fine.

When I’m on a train, I’m not constantly scanning for baby on board badges so probably just wouldn’t notice you. It’s on you to ask, pregnant women are not the centre of everyone else’s world, but if you ask, someone will likely offer you a seat. I would.

The first man probably did need the seat if he told you he did, I’d rather believe people. The other man was horrible

Absolutely this. I once gave up my seat as a healthy young person the day I was discharged from hospital and had a blood transfusion. I managed not to faint but it was close. I felt too awkward to say no and was tutted at as I stood for audacity to be in the seat in the first place.

Unfortunately nothing new, I witnessed this over 20 years ago when you could see the Financial Times going up as soon as a pregnant woman, someone with a walking stick or someone with a baby/small child came on.

More than once it was another woman who stood up.

You need to say something, approach people in the "P" seats even if they have their own valid and maybe non-visible reasons for being there.

When I was pregnant I arranged with my work to work hybrid (possible even 18 years ago) and come outside commuting hours after I was late twice because I fainted when I had to travel without DH coming with me as he was on a work trip.