“im having one more kid in the hope I have a girl”

I know what you mean but if these women had kept trying for boys I doubt it would even be commented or picked up on as society has been preferencing boys for millennia. It’s definitely not right to treat the children differently though.

But some people DO clearly love their child less because they desperately wanted one of the opposite sex instead - and some will even admit that they wouldn't have had that child if they had known that they would be of the unwanted sex.

Things like this really screw up children and can give them lifelong traumas.

Having a child because you want a(nother) child - and hoping for a girl but wholeheartedly loving your son when he arrives instead, or vice versa, - is not any kind of problem whatsoever.

I'm pregnant with my 5th after 4 boys I'm having a girl, we wasn't "trying for a girl" at all but when we say anything to people they say "oh finally a girl, you must be so happy" it really grates on me because I would be happy either way I don't know what people just assume I wanted a girl. Bizzare

I think that these threads are pretty much always about people wanting girls.
If it was a mix of each, then I'd get it. If you have a bit of a preference (I probably would have liked a girl after having a boy, but I didn't and I cracked on with it) then fine, but there are threads sometimes from women crying with gender disappointment and the thought of having a horrible smelly boy who will be constantly running around and hitting people.
It's a huge risk having a baby if the sex is a very important factor.

I would have done this.

I really wanted a daughter. Both sexes ideally but I wouldn't have gone as far to have a Ds as a dd.

(I have both so I do know they have their pros & cons).

In the past with bigger families most women did have both.

I don't think it's wrong to want that.

It is materially different especially once they are adults.

I know a woman who kept trying for a girl and finally had one on her 6th try. I know another woman and she ended up with 6 boys and was too old to have any more kids after that. I personally don't think I could do it, that many children would be way too much for me

I grew up near a family with 10 boys and finally a little girl -- Victoria.

Hmm. How to make it obvious to boys no. 2 to 10.

I never thought children were something to be "grateful" for, though.
Plenty of other things imo.

A woman I met recently had two boys and said in front of them that she was on the fence about having a third baby because she would only want a girl not another boy. I felt awful for the poor little boys hearing that. I know you can't always control gender disappointment but there's no excuse for making children feel unloved because their the 'wrong' sex.

People are allowed to have a preference, it’s not rocket science. I imagine that some people believe they’re ‘missing out’ on the opposite sex when they have multiple children of the same sex.

If I had two girls, I’d probably have that feeling of ‘wanting’ a boy. If I had two boys, it’d be the same thing. I don’t really understand the confusion as it seems quite logical to me

I've experienced the same kind of comments and was surprised by how many friends I had to drop after they made that kind of comment in front of our kids. I have boys and no one is making them feel unwanted.

Was ever thus unfortunately! V dumb.

I have 2 boys then a girl and I hate people might think we did that 😅 poor DS2!

Boys and girls and men and women have different experiences as they grow up and go through life and are subject to different expectations. Maybe in an ideal world that wouldn't be so but back in the real world it just is. It's not difficult to see how that might feed into gender preferences.

For example, maybe some women would prefer to have boys to avoid daughters being subjected to the casual misogyny and inequalities that still shame our society. Maybe some parents would prefer to have girls because they think they'll be around more as adults and when the parents are elderly. You might think these viewpoints are invalid, but they're backed up by solid statistical evidence as to societal inequalities between men and women, one example being the expectation to provide unpaid care and labour.

This is one of those things it’s fine to think and feel it, maybe admit to closest friends, but never ever say in front of the children.

@Microvavie it wasn’t so much that I wanted two girls, it was more that I really, really wanted a girl. I was actually 40 when I had my first child and so it was a bit touch and go whether we’d have a second at all and even then there was no way of knowing if it was a girl or not.

When I was pregnant with DS I was pretty sure he was a boy from the start, I am unsure how I knew this but I did, and DH wanted to find out so we did. Because I was already convinced it was a boy there wasn’t any real sense of disappointment or anything like that. I probably felt a bit wistful looking at pink baby grows and vests but that was it.

However, I did feel this need, this desire to have a daughter and I think if I hadn’t had this we probably would have stayed at one. Like most things of this nature it wasn’t a clear cut sort of thing, there were a myriad of factors coming into it. I got pregnant again when DS was two and this time didn’t find out the sex. As with DS though, I had a strong feeling from the start she was a girl but this time kept correcting myself as I would think of ‘she/her’ and then have to remind myself / check myself ‘might be a boy!’ I was worried all the way through pregnancy that I’d feel immense disappointment if she was a boy. I have no way of knowing if I would or not; I hope not. I do know when I had her and was told she was a girl it was a moment of absolute euphoria. I was just lying there laughing and smiling and crying all at once. And did I have that with DS - no. But it isn’t like for like; I had a horrible birth with him, it was during COVID (say no more!) and it was generally exhaustion and sickness that hit me after birth, not joy and laughter.

I do think a desire for girls - and it almost always is girls - is quite common and there are societal reasons for this and also individual. I’m quite ‘girly’ in some ways, not at all in others. I don’t take any particular pride in either traits, they are just me, what I like, what I don’t like I suppose.

Challenging the love a mother has for a child is always going to bring defensiveness and arguments with it but I am unsure if I loved DS at first or for a long time. I don’t think that was because he was a boy but I do think I’d have found the bonding process easier with a girl, that is pure speculation though.

I honestly think people are disappointed in not having one of either sex because of other peoples stupid comments.
I had 3 sons prior to my daughter and experienced so much negativity towards my 3rd son in particular. Ironic really because I absolutely adored my time with him as a baby more than I have my others. He was just a wonderful baby. (Pita now 😂)

People don’t realise how much telling someone they’re disappointed can lead to disappointment.

MN is a great example, we get posters saying regularly family or friends keep asking if they’re upset they’ve not had a boy or girl.

Id have been happy with any children but I admit I was upset to hear from older mums regularly comments like “a son is a son until he gets a wife”. I think telling mums their sons would drop them like a hot potato without a seconds thought is unnecessary and cruel.

I understand wanting a child of a particular sex. I do not understand trying time and again. I know of a family with 6 boys and 1 girl (the youngest). They barely survive, they live in cramped conditions and have the barest of necessities because they couldn't face not having a girl. And it's always a girl that's craved, I don't know anyone who has continued to have children to have a boy.

I have 2 boys and have had several miscarriages, so I'm afraid I subscribe to the "a healthy wanted baby is better than no baby at all" mantra 🤷🏻‍♀️

I get having a (slight) preference but you should never shout if from the rooftops let alone talk about it in front of your children. You should only have another child if you want another child, not a particular gender.

I'm pregnant. I have a slight preference but I've only told DH! I don't want people to think I'd be disappointed with the other gender as I wouldn't.

Statements like this are always a point of interest to me as I don’t see them with any other sort of sometimes irrational thought / behaviour.

People should be grateful to have food, so why do some have eating disorders?

People should be grateful to have a job so why do some complain about theirs?

We don’t have to use our imagination much to recognise not every baby is planned, wanted or a blessing and sometimes even when they are the feelings in pregnancy and post partum can be complex. This idea of ‘gratitude’ rarely works. It’s generally a mishmash of feelings, often linked to some form of loss. Unpicking it can help, but people can’t because it is so very very taboo.

People should be grateful for having a healthy baby.

A horribly judgey post.

I never experienced this disappointment, but people are allowed to feel this. I’m sure it doesn’t mean they love their baby any less.

I get having a preference, but it does seem a bit crazy to me to have more children than you'd ideally like, in the hope of having a particular sex! Kids are hard work. I have two boys and people have sometimes asked me, if would we'd have another if we could guarantee a girl. My answer is no - two kids are enough for me!

Also, I'm sure I've read that once you've had two of the same sex, your chance of the third being the same sex is over 50%.

I have two beautiful ds, each time if I had the choice I would have chosen a girl (however after they were born I wouldn’t have chosen to change them at all)
I want a third dc, I’m not having a 3rd to have a girl. I just want another child whether they’re a boy or girl. If I got to choose however I would say girl. However, I of course would be equally as happy to have a boy! Having a preference isn’t a problem or mean I want them/love them any less.