“im having one more kid in the hope I have a girl”

I knew a family like this. Had 3 boys then a girl and said they would have carried on if it was a boy until they had a girl. I had 3 girls and he asked my husband when we were having another because we had to keep going until we had a boy. He wasn’t a proper man without a son 😂

I'm lucky and have 2 boys. Having one of each isn't better, it's just different.

I have one of each. When I was pregnant with my second, my husband and I discussed whether we'd ever consider having a third. He said that if we had a second boy he might be more up for having a third to try for a girl. I felt the opposite, that if we had a second boy I'd be less likely to want to try for a third because I would never be completely sure that we hadn't done it just to try for a girl, and I would never want either of my boys to feel that they weren't what we wanted. We ended up having a girl second time round. Now I would be up for having a third (and I wouldn't care whether we had another boy or another girl) but my husband is done.

I am glad I have one of each because we get to have the experience of raising a son and a daughter. I absolutely adore my son, but if we hadn't had a girl I think a part of me would have regretted not being able to share the experience of womanhood with my daughter. But we have no control over these things, and I think it's horrible to keep trying in the hope of getting a child of the other sex, or to make your existing children feel unwanted, for such a silly reason. That's easy for me to say though, because we got what we wanted. I can't imagine loving a second son any less than I love my first son or my daughter though.

@Ladamesansmerci raising a good man under patriarchy! That's exactly the pressure I feel with my son, I didn't expect from a young age to think about the societal expectations of a boy or girl but I do. Your initial paragraph sums up so much of how I feel about a girl or a boy (I do have one of each) but coming from a female dominated family having a girl just felt more natural to me.

100% agree that no child should feel different due to gender, I come from a culture that traditionally favours boys and heard a lot of comments growing up from people not closely related about what a shame it was we were all girls. And the older generation were over the moon when I had my son as we hadn't had any boys in my generation at all even amongst cousins which reminded me a lot of all the times gender preference annoyed me as a child.

People have all sorts of reasons. In my case I really wanted a boy first time because I am the oldest child and had a horrible relationship with my mother through the teenage years. I thought a boy might be easier to handle and as a child I always wished I'd had an older brother rather than a younger one. Second time round I was pleased to have a girl and therefore a balanced household and family. MIL has three boys and basically neglected herself for their football/music taste/activities to the point she barely seems female anymore! Not that that is inevitable by any means I know! Same situation with my grandmother now I come to think of it.

I wanted girls, luckily my first was. I don't think I'd have kept having kids until I had one though! 2nd/last was a son, and although I had a slight preference for another girl I was happy either way. He is wonderful and now I'm not sure why I thought I wanted girls more! Wouldn't change him

I have three of one sex, then an opposite. IMO the judging is about not having two kids. The perfect set up. One of each. People judged me when I had one, when I had my third and more so with my fourth. That's what seems to piss people off. Daring to not have the perfect classic set up.

When I was in the hospital due to postpartum complication after my second boy, a nurse advised me to try for third one - she had 2 boys and she regretted that she never tried for a third. Well, I gave up the idea and never tried for a girl and gave no regrets. I somewhat hoped for the 2nd child to be a girl but it didn't happen and now I'm rather glad, I hope they will be easier to parent, fewer MH problems and more predictable. Being men, their lives will be easier, too, as we still live in patriarchy and things won't change in my lifetime.

It's fine to have a preference/feel bad about it, but it's not fine to express this in front of little ones. I have a 6mo DD. My preference was a girl, but I'd have loved a boy all the same. And people can say what they want, but men are women are different (not as very young babies ofc). It's hard to pick apart which differences are sex driven, and which are driven by societal constructs. I'm I'm a same sex marriage, so it just felt more natural for us to have a girl. I also would have felt immense pressure to raise a 'good' man under patriarchy. I think parenting is hard anyway, but sometimes it feels there are so few decent men, and it would be hard not to worry about a little boy growing up in the age of easy access incel crap on the internet. And idk, it just felt like an innate desire to me to want a daughter, in the same way a lot of men want a little boy. I love and am friends with men, but idk, the emotional connection is just very different with other women and relationships with other women feel distinctly different to me.

And honestly, throughout history (and still in some countries) families have wanted boys, to the point girls are aborted and killed due to their sex, so I don't feel too upset about people having a girl preference on here 🤷

However, the point remains, that no child deserves to grow up feeling not good enough due to their sex, thought tbh I'm sure a lot of little girls experience this under patriarchy. And I agree it's ridiculous to keep having children for a specific sex. Have a child because you want one. Not for other reasons.

Some of my friends wanted girls as they wanted wedding dress shopping

That sounds like absolutely madness to me - basing the perceived value and unique specialness of a new life that may last for 100 years on maybe two or three weekends shopping!

I have one of each and I'm really happy to have both. I come from a family of all daughters and was raised by a single mum so I could envisage more easily how I would parent a daughter and all the things we would do. We didn't find out the gender with either and my eldest is a girl, I won't lie I think if she'd have been a boy then second time round I'd have been more nervous.

My son is my younger child and he honestly completed our family in the most perfect way. As soon as he was given to me I knew I was done with children and we'd just been waiting for him.

If I had had two sons I wouldn't have continued to have babies for practical and emotional reasons, but I imagine there would have been a part of me that might have been a little sad that I'd never have the mother daughter experience. I know relationships in families are all different but coming from a big matriarchy I really wanted a girl.

That's just bordering on crazy.

They don’t deep down but for some reason MN hates it. My mum was the youngest of seven girls in a farming family. She was totally adored but her sex was a huge disappointment, there was a lot riding on having a boy in that family.

Oh yes.. There is is much hatred on here for mothers in law, yet ironically these MIL hating women may well have sons who marry women who may despise them in turn..

Boys and their mothers can definitely have a close bond.
I'd have found having a girl harder I think, but it all depends on the individual child.
An 'easy', happy child of either gender is going to be much easier to parent than a 'difficult' child.

It's perfectly reasonable to want a girl after 2 boys, or even after 1 boy. Why do people find this so hard to understand.

I’m sure it in no small part has to do with what people themselves or those around them and definitely those on MN seem to do to their MIL. Always sidelined, often encouraging no contact because of horrible awful behaviour like daring to want to come visit and hold the baby, disrespecting you by eg feeding the kid a biscuit or having the gall to still want to see your son sometimes.
so scary prospect that some woman may treat you the same way one day. Easier to have a daughter…

Did you actually think I was comparing fishing to childbirth? 😂

If it wasn’t clear, the point is other people do things you or I might not. It doesn’t make them wrong and actually you don’t have to understand them because for the most part they aren’t your business.

I suppose, for the people who keep on having more babies than they otherwise wanted in the desperate hope for one of the opposite sex - at least they don't ever have to worry about them all not being able to share bedrooms once they reach adolescence!

Fishing is entirely different to pumping out more and more children until one get's the preferred gender though.

Generally I don’t have much time for such displays, although it actually isn’t uncommon for people to cry at ultrasounds or the like so I am told.

But in a way a wail as per Sistine chapel followed by acceptance, followed by happiness is probably more healthy than years of pretence and quashing of feelings.

Meh. I grew up in a household where only boys were valued. As a female a small part of me is glad that girls are more wanted now, especially knowing that in many parts of the world boys are still valued very highly above girls. As pp said having a preference is fine but don't allow it to affect your dc.

There was a tragic case in Scotland several years ago where a family had 4 sons then had a girl . Sadly the little girl was killed and the parents went to court to try to win the right to choose the sex of their next baby to ensure they had a girl .
I remember reading about it and wondering how the bereaved brothers felt .

I'm not that poster but I'm one of two girls and all my cousins were girls so that's what I knew.
My preference for a girl was probably also born out of ideals of raising strong feminist girls.
Some of my friends wanted girls as they wanted wedding dress shopping and afternoon teas etc but I accept my daughter may want to move to Australia and she isn't into girly things in the slightest, it was more about identifying with her.
I don't have a son so don't know, some of my friends have lovely boys who I enjoy but I can't imagine having the same deep connection. Maybe I would have a boy and it would be the same, I don't know, but that's the truth.

Had this with ex-MIL & SIL (who had three boys), they put huge amounts of pressure on me (never ex!!) that I ‘must’ have a girl.

That's as ludicrous as on Deal Or No Deal, when somebody is pressured to open their box and told that they 'must' reveal a blue amount - like they have any say or agency in the matter whatsoever!