“im having one more kid in the hope I have a girl”

One of my friends had seven siblings as his Mum had kept going till she had a girl. I don’t think I had views one way or the other till I had dc and then I had two boys and thought a girl would be nice. I had twin girls and think four boys would of been a lot but 2 and 2 is just about doable.

@Thepeopleversuswork

Good job I've got my girls then

@crostini

I think it's normal for a lot of women to want girls

I don’t recognize this at all. None of my friends expressed a preference for either sex.

I have to be honest: I think it’s selfish, highly damaging and a bit stupid and if you think like this you shouldn’t be having kids.

Just to put it out there - more male children are born every year than girl babies. It's a fact - but no-one can say exactly why. Plenty of theories as to why though

I think that this is a thing for a lot of women, but as someone with two daughters I've been shocked how many people asked my husband if we would try try again "for a boy" after DD2 was born. In fact his Nan asked it (with a sad, sympathetic tone) in the hospital when the poor kid was only about seven hours old. And it's no less offensive for the those daughters whose parents might be trying for a boy, is it?!

But no, of course if you're public about wanting one or the other and have a bunch of kids of the opposite sex, it's horrible for those existing kids. I had a boyfriend who was the second of four sons; two years between 1 and 2 and 2 and 3 and then a seven year gap before the final brother. His mum was clear he had been a last ditch attempt for a girl and he was hugely sad about this running "joke".

I think it's normal for a lot of women to want girls.
Every pregnant woman I have known has wanted a girl. And of course loves the boy that they then have and wouldn't change them.
It's not ok to mention it in front of the kids of course.
Ive always wanted a daughter - and no, it's nothing to do with pretty dresses and imaginary trips to the salon. My girls love the hulk and clothes of all colours. It's more about knowing what it's like to be a girl, a young woman etc, and guiding them through that. A boy is a bit of an alien concept... I've never been a teenage boy and feel I have less to offer. Plus the pressure of making sure they grow up to not be like the majority of men... huge.
Of course I'd love and cherish a little boy if that was in my path. But it's not wrong to want girls.

It may be reasonable to “want” one in the sense that you think in the abstract that it would be nice. It’s absolutely not reasonable to keep on having babies until you get the “right ” sex.

I am quite shocked that people think this is reasonable behavior: I think it’s appalling. It’s highly likely to damage the existing children who will grow up thinking they are “not quite right” because they knew you were desperate to have a child of the other sex.

Its also highly likely to create a situation where you have more children than you can afford.

Finally it suggests a moronically poor grasp of biology.

Apparently my birth caused disappointment as I was supposed to be a boy, my mother was very unhappy that my father's side of the family were vocal about that. On the otherhand she told me she was suicidal when she was expecting me as my older sister would be under 1 when I was born. Not sure which was more damaging to be honest but I'm OK with it.

I also don't understand the keeping trying for one or the other. I had two boys, and I didn't even think about having a third until I knew for certain I would have no disappointment at having another boy. I ended up having a girl, and she is great, but honestly another boy would have been easier.

I had a home delivery with one of mine, the midwife, the student and I did a lot of chat through the night. The midwife told us she had recently delivered one mum of her 13th child and the mother had apparently vowed to carry on until she got her girl, a girl after 12 boys. I said I felt sad for the boys, she said she felt sorry for the baby girl, so many hopes and expectations on those little shoulders. I wonder how it worked out, she'd be in her 40s now.

Unlike most of the posts here (which are overly sympathetic to “gender disappointment”) I actually think it’s become way too normalised. People feel too comfortable voicing such awful views out loud. All these little boys having to grow up knowing their mum wanted a girl instead. Or hear their mums saying things like they’d only have another child if they could guarantee it was a girl not a boy.

It’s a really damaging thing to express out loud, so your kids might find out one day. Even if you don’t say it in front of them, they can still find out from an auntie/cousin etc. People are way too comfortable putting their own feelings first above their kids. It is a shameful thought to have (wishing your child was someone else) and you should really keep it to yourself.

I never had a preference girl or boys, I got two girls and I’m very happy. They are human beings, not pets or accessories. You can’t guarantee what their personality will be like anyway.

It is very wrong in my book - because at the root of it are assumptions and expectations that the longed-for child might not fulfil. If women want a daughter to take to ballet, go clothes shopping with, enjoy her wedding and pregnancies, what happens if the child has no interest in ballet and fashion, doesn’t marry or have DC?

I will admit that I have a very negative view because I think you should be grateful if you have a healthy child - but all I can see is damage to relationships down the line. MIL openly talks about wishing she had a daughter in front of BIL. Now she is 80 this is all about an expectation that a daughter would live close by and take her shopping etc. as her friends’ daughters do. What if the daughter worked in London, 200 miles away?

There is some really interesting sociological stuff with this however. A preference for boys leads to more
girls being born (eg you keep having girls till you get boys) and their social worth goes down with the overproduction.

I think we are going to experience (in the West) an overproduction of boys due to many families who keep having boys till they get the girl, which may lead to a situation where they will be seen as lesser, maybe they won’t be viewed as contributing to society or to the family in the same way as girls do.

My mum openly told me, from quite an early age, that if I'd been a boy, she'd have stopped at one. She had my brother next, golden boy 🙄 I'm still the black sheep, many decades on.

When I had my DD my FiL said, within 1 hour of her being born, 'You'll be trying for a boy soon, of course' 😡
That went well!

I was in school with a girl who was the eldest of 7 or 8 girls. The parents weren't interested in the girls, leaving the older ones to look after the younger. When the eldest gave birth to a son when she was 19, the parents tried to take the baby off her. Tried to get Social Services to declare her unfit. It didn't work but I felt sorry for all the girls knowing the parents couldn't be arsed with them but fought to get custody of their grandson.

People feel what they feel! You can’t shame them for that. They can’t control it.

you can certainly shame them for making it even slightly obvious to the kids though. They can’t control that.

I had 2 boys. They’re my world. I desperately wanted a girl. I only had a sister and am close to my mum and sister.

And yes OF COURSE many men (including my husband!) are wonderful and talk and see their mothers and families regularly - but you cannot deny that the general trend is that girls and mothers tend to be closer and men are as a species not as good at organising and communicating.

We had a 3rd and it was a girl and I genuinely look at her every day 7 years on and feel SO grateful.

it doesn’t make me love my boys less - I’m actually much closer to them and have far more in common. But I am so completely grateful I also get to have a daughter.

Even if we’re not close when she’s grown up, it has been different raising her and I have loved experiencing both and I will be forever grateful I was able to.

I totally get it and I now feel complete in a way I didn’t before. If I had had 2 girls and no boys I would’ve felt the same too. The bond between a mother and son is completely unique and so special. The bond between mother and daughter is different and also completely unique and so special in a different way.

The story always told about my birth was that DM (high on pethidine) on being told she had a girl responded 'oh but I wanted a boy!' She always said it was because she was one of three girls and felt it would be lovely for her parents to have a boy in the family.
She was happy when I had my DD of course but I do think she felt it on a different level when my sister provided her with grandsons.

A preference is fine, as long as it's not an obsession. To be fair, I think it's women of limited intelligence that keep having children to get the desired sex. They're probably the sort who buy puppies over the internet and worship Kim Kardashian (or whatever).

My mother wanted three boys. She ended up with one girl. She told me that she had wanted boys. Nothing like being an unwanted child. These 'mothers' should be ashamed of themselves.

I think you’re being a little harsh to call this post “horribly judgy”. Of course people are absolutely allowed to experience gender disappointment, but the OP is talking about when parents vocalise that in front of their existing children or even treat a child of the hoped-for gender differently to their other children.

I know someone who has 7 kids under 12 yrs. They seem to have stopped having near annual babies now that No 7 is female. Blows my mind.

I had a preference for a girl with #2 and had another boy. Mourned the imaginary girl at the time but adore my two boys.
When considering having #3 my preference changed again and I wanted 3 boys (but would have been happy with either).
A preference doesn't mean you won't/don't love the baby you received. It's just sometimes our imaginations create an idea which we get attached to and when that idea doesn't pan out it takes an adjustment.

I always wanted 3 kids, now I'm glad I don't!

I’d be gutted if I had never had a daughter- I wouldn’t have kept on having children though. Works both ways- I have two friends each with 3 girls because they want the boy. Don’t see why people care for other people’s preferences, boys were favoured for generations and in many other cultures- who cares if people want girls now.

I think something that amplifies the whole thing is this new trend of ‘gender reveals’. It’s so obvious when the parents cut the cake/ let off a fucking party popper if they’re happy or not. Imagine being the child in the future seeing that and knowing that you were a disappointment before you were even born for something you have no control over. It’s awful.