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Original poster

“im having one more kid in the hope I have a girl”

232 replies

Microvavie · 04/12/2024 08:06

I have come across three women recently who have openly admitted they carried on having children in the hope they would have a little girl.

Im trying not to judge them but everytime they have said it, it feels off to me. I can’t explain why it make me feel funny.

First encounter was a lady who had two boys and she now has a girl. She openly says in front of the kids she tried for a third in the hope it was a girl.

Second encounter was on their 5th baby and had 4 boys, they really wanted a girl and are yet to find out the gender.

I always wonder how the boys feel, maybe they don’t care but I always feel a bit sorry for them. It makes it sound like they arent good enough.

Third encounter is my SIL who had a forth and final girl. If the second or third had been a girl they would have stopped. They treat the girl so different to the boys.

I understand gender disappointment to a degree, I never had a fictional child or idea of what my kids would be like. I think I’m projecting as child with only girls, my dad got comments about no boys for him and it use to make me feel not good enough (I even pretend to a Tom boy for a year to try and make my dad happy)

OP posts:
AndAllOurYesterdays · 04/12/2024 08:39

I had a colleague who had four boys and talked a lot about how she had kept trying because she desperately wanted a daughter. But she also kept going on about the expense of four kids and how they didn't have enough bedrooms, couldn't go on holiday etc. I do understand having a preference but not to the extent you financially cripple yourself or compromise your existing children's quality of life.

Katemax82 · 04/12/2024 08:34

In our family there are 5 boys and one girl (my unborn child is a boy) so I totally get gender disappointment. Luckily my 2nd was a girl, by then we had my son and 2 stepsons. We had a 3rd child together after my daughter so this last baby my daughter especially wanted a sister but it's yet another boy

FrostyTheSnowHuman · 04/12/2024 08:29

muddlesandpuddles · 04/12/2024 08:26

It is one of those things MN don’t understand, will apparently never understand and don’t actually want to understand! I mean, I don’t understand why people sit on muddy banks with a wooden rod in a pond or river as a hobby but they do and I don’t have to understand that.

I really wanted a girl both times, it doesn’t make me the spawn of Satan, I promise.

Thank you for this sensible post so early on.

Yes some people have a preference as to what sex of child they have. No it isn’t always to do with stupid gender stereotypes.

Obviously talking about it in front of the children and treating the children differently as the OP says is wrong. But desperately wanting a child of a particular sex is not wrong.

spuddy4 · 04/12/2024 08:29

I'm lucky and have one of each but the teenage years hit differently with a girl! I wouldn't have kept on trying for either sex though, you get what you are given and I'm grateful for that.

LostMySocks · 04/12/2024 08:28

Wanting a boy or girl isn't the issue. We all have preferences.
It's saying it on front of the kids so that they feel less important than their new sibling

muddlesandpuddles · 04/12/2024 08:26

It is one of those things MN don’t understand, will apparently never understand and don’t actually want to understand! I mean, I don’t understand why people sit on muddy banks with a wooden rod in a pond or river as a hobby but they do and I don’t have to understand that.

I really wanted a girl both times, it doesn’t make me the spawn of Satan, I promise.

GreyCarpet · 04/12/2024 08:13

Personally, I don't understand it.

When I had my first, I didn't really have a preference and my son was, and still is, absolutely perfect (he's 26 now).

When I had second, I assumed it would be another boy becaise no girls had been born into my husbakds family for over a hundred years. I briefly though it was a shame I probably wouldn't have one of each but them she was a girl anyway so 🤷🏻‍♀️

I certainly wouldn't have carried on having babies until I got my preferred sex. Their personality, character and your relationship with them is far more important than their sex.

I wouldn't have wanted to be the third or fourth child my parents had because they were holding out for a boy, though.