To think this is neglectful?

OH wow your so out of line. The mum totally deserves compassion and that child sounds to be struggling. Please don't think you know the kids better than their mum as you sound judgmental.

Unfortunately a poor diet doesn't necessarily meet the threshold for neglect either, many children are fussy or don't have big appetites or families don't have the money to provide a varied diet. If food is being provided that's all social services would be concerned with.

Yes totally agree their hair should be regularly cut, how annoying for them. As a help until that happens, this hairbrush is incredible for reducing brushing pain, my daughter (and I!) love it.

www.primark.com/en-gb/p/barbie-detangler-hairbrush-multi-991116192935

Also could you try to plait it to stop it from getting so tangled. ?

The mum is odd, I know sensory children don't like haircuts but if you like long hair she could still trim it while the child is asleep. Their hair will be so unhealthy without a good haircut, your hair needs it for the ends to remain healthy.
My guess is that the mum doesn't really wash and brush it much when they're with her.

This is a tale straight put of the crappy father handbook. Do they pull guys aside in school and give them these excuses or what?

Mean ex is super neglectful, only allows dad minimal time, he's apparently doing something vague towards having them more, however he also facilitates the so called neglect, new wife only slags off the mum despite the dad being a deadbeat who is also neglecting them.

We just need a "they split because she had an affair despite him being absolutely perfect" and thrown in there and its a full house.

@newtothis0

try to ignore all the judgemental posts.

your partner could be an absolute saint & it would still be his fault.

some mothers will make it as difficult as humanly possible for the children's father to have more time with his kids (mainly to maximise CMS). Hopefully he'll get there soon.

This! My children stay with family 4 nights per month, this is way too little for one of their parents to see them.

I also have children with sensory issues, anything to do with their hair is a nightmare. I have sensory issues myself and brushing my own hair makes me want to cry.

OP, I’m not really sure why you posted. You’re saying absolutely nothing can be done, your partner can’t intervene and barely has the children, you’re blaming the mum but won’t give even the slightest detail as to why. It’s like you just want people to agree that your partner’s ex is neglectful with absolutely no context .

Mine does if I don't get it trimmed regularly. I think it's because it's just SO fine and when it's not cut blunt, it's just ties itself in knots and that's as an adult not doing half the playing/scrambling about kids do, and taking clothes off more gently.

@newtothis0 no, as long as it's clean & nit free it's not neglect. It's bloody annoying though!!

id suggest putting a plait in when they arrive

these brushes are a life changer, I'd never use anything else now

https://www.hairandbeautydepot.com/products/tangle-tamer-gentle

You can hack off hair to shoulder length in a few minutes, honestly - less time than all the stupid detangling is taking right now.

Someone needs to intervene and just do it.

OK, I missed this one. Waiting for court decision I would just not wash their hair if I was your dp. He has them once a week so it's really not necessary.

If I were you DP I would take them to the hairdressers. He's their father so he can decide as well.

Matted os jot necessarily down to it not being brushed.

My dds hair matts because she fidgets in her sleep, she also uas chronic eczema and scratches in her sleep. It always has right from being a baby.

I brush it daily, she hates it and it regularly results in tears but it has to be done.

I have had endless hours of detailing sprays etc and honestly mist of them make it worse because they leave a sticky residue.

It must be full of split ends. You should still get it trimmed or it will end up straggly. It can still stay long with regular trims.

Why does your partner only have his children one night a week? He can hardly make comments on neglect and poor diet when he is not there to facilitate any change.

I'd have to wonder about that too.

If the children are attending school you've got to wonder why the teachers arnt concerned about this matted hair? Normally theyd raise concerns at childrens hair being like that

*edited because I misspelt bum 😅

DD is almost 10 and shes never had an official haircut. I trim the edges every now and then but she refuses to get it cut properly ( shes autistic )

DD's hair is down to her bum and never gets matted.

Can you plait it if to save it getting knotty ect?

The OP said that one of them has sensory issues around brushing.

I don't think there is anything wrong in the children having long hair though might benefit from having a bit chopped off the ends sometimes. However, long hair needs care (I had it when young, mine was wild and wavy too, but I was a teenager and cared for it myself); most parents tie it back when children are at school and try to look after it, not let it get matted with split ends. If one daughter has sensory problems and hates brushing, maybe she should have shorter hair until she is old enough to see to her hair herself.

Nevertheless, OP, there really isn't anything much you can do, any move on your part would be deemed interfering. If the children's hair becomes overly-matted, making it difficult to keep thoroughly clean and tidy, the school will eventually intervene. Also in time the girls will want to do their hair as they please and that might well mean being cut to a modern style.

I used to have a work colleague and her three children looked like ragamuffins - they always looked like they needed their hair given a good brush!

My second was inclined to look like that - they 'petted' their hair instead of brushing, so I had to do it until they were quite a lot older than I would have expected. Needs must!

If their hair was a matted, unkempt mess? That no products would fix?

And you don't think that's neglectful?

Really?

My eldest screamed and kicked getting their hair cut when little. No SEN, just hated it. Took three of us to hold her down a couple of times. Hair was wavy/curly and looked very unkempt really easily. Guess what, as an adult they look after their own hair.

I agree with you. Some things you need to do for their own good.

My youngest's hair has always grown unmercifully fast. It's also massively thick. I have all these September photos of back to school with them looking like a yeti!! I promise, I did get their hair cut regularly along with the other two!!

I’d be pretty livid if someone told me I was neglecting my child because I haven’t cut their hair yet. The audacity

Oh bullshit! To leave children that age with their hair uncared for is neglect, however you choose to term it! "Lack of time", my hairy hole - how long does it take to brush a child's hair now and again?!

I would be concerned if I saw a child with matted or unkempt hair. I'm surprised their teachers haven't raised it as an issue if it's that bad!

OK so you might want to keep the length, but a hairdresser should be tidying it up regularly, snipping off split ends etc.

Their dad needs to fight the bit out for more access to them though.