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Original poster

To always be the one who’s woken in the night?

83 replies

cantbebotheredtogo · 03/12/2024 20:32

Does anyone else have this?

Two children. First (DS) a terrible sleeper. He would only wake twice as a baby but it would take literally hours before he was asleep enough to go back to his next to me crib. If you tried to put him back in it too soon he’d wake and the whole thing would start again. So a typical night would be asleep at 9, awake at 1, up until 3, awake again at 4, that would be it.

Things briefly improved when he was a year old but then he started to get ear infections and that triggered a period of awful sleep, finally managed to sort it at 18 months but then he started waking at 5/530. At first it was such an improvement on the broken nights I was just grateful. But over time exhaustion kicked in.

DD was a much better sleeper from the start (and she was breastfed) so obviously didn’t expect DH to do night wakes. But once she was night weaned ear infections kicked in for her and teeth … at the moment she’s waking a couple of times every night and needing cuddles and / or calpol.

And it has dawned on me that in four long years of this DH has never got up in the night, not once.

Anyone else? Or am I the only mug?

OP posts:
Awrite · 03/12/2024 20:48

cantbebotheredtogo · 03/12/2024 20:42

I think the main problem is that when they woke upset and unwell they want me, not DH, but it is frustrating that he’s never offered. Or that he hears DD crying and doesn’t check.

They want you as you've always done it. My kids happy with either of us.

Much nicer for kids to have more than just the one person who can comfort them.

Awrite · 03/12/2024 20:47

Definitely mug. There's no other way of putting it really.

PullTheBricksDown · 03/12/2024 20:46

cantbebotheredtogo · 03/12/2024 20:42

I think the main problem is that when they woke upset and unwell they want me, not DH, but it is frustrating that he’s never offered. Or that he hears DD crying and doesn’t check.

Of course they do. It's what's always happened. Tell them Daddy will look after them and it'll become as normal in time.

Original poster
cantbebotheredtogo · 03/12/2024 20:42

I think the main problem is that when they woke upset and unwell they want me, not DH, but it is frustrating that he’s never offered. Or that he hears DD crying and doesn’t check.

OP posts:
portslader · 03/12/2024 20:41

Crazy that you're even asking.

Since our daughter was born (now 3) we have alternated nights - one 'on duty', one sleeps through. I can't see any justification for doing it any other way to be honest, once breastfeeding is finished.

afrikat · 03/12/2024 20:38

Our first was a terrible sleeper and I breastfed for 15 months so it was pretty much all on me. I weaned at 15 months and got pregnant again at 18 months. Pretty much as soon as I got pregnant DH did all night wake ups with our oldest. I got full nights whilst I was pregnant and was responsible for feeding the youngest when she was born, but not necessarily for changing her.
DH probably did more night wake ups overall as our oldest was always a terrible sleeper and youngest much easier

Now the kids are older I've basically trained them not to wake me up they always go to him 🤣

Even if you are a SAHP you need to sleep so yes, he should be helping out at night

PullTheBricksDown · 03/12/2024 20:36

How on earth has it never come up before? Is he the prime minister's bodyguard or a brain surgeon or something else where he cannot manage on less than perfect sleep?

Just say 'I think it's time we took turns getting up with the kids when they wake. Do you want to go first or second?' If he disagrees in any way, give him the Paddington hard stare and say I'VE DONE IT EVERY NIGHT FOR FOUR YEARS.

littlemissprosseco · 03/12/2024 20:34

Yes you’re a mug!
I guess if you’re on maternity and DH has to get up early for work?……. but he’s never got up in Four years??
You have a husband problem.