AIBU to think that some people automatically age and look a good bit older when they hit 30

I’m mixed race I did look much younger until a combination of two very close bereavements and menopause hit me in the same year and I aged a lot. I was 50, I think it was more the trauma of the bereavements than menopause. My
Father was virtually unlined when he died at 84, he was my non white parent.

I am always mistaken for early twenties despite turning 40 next year. Does this mean I am beautiful? Definitely not. I just look like a kid. Don't know why people think that if you look young you are saying you are a stunner. I am proof that is not the case.
There have been countless incidents in my life.
Being asked if I was looking forward to starting secondary school when I was about to start college.
Being asked out by a 18 year old when I was 29 as he assumed I was around his age.
Picking up a friends son from school when I was 31 and being told 'I wondered who you were as there is no way you are old enough to be a mum of a 5 year old'. 'by one of the parents.
When I was 34, I spotted my colleague and her baby son in a soft play cafe. I went in to say hello and colleague took the chance to go to the loo. I was cuddling the baby and another mum said 'He's not yours is he? You look far too young.'
Being id'd for alcohol at 35 and still the case now.
Being told to get on the school bus 'with your friends' just last year.
My hairdresser last year saying to me 'You're not yet thirty so very lucky'
Not all in my head or people trying to butter me up. I hate it and wish I looked around my age or at least mid thirties.

Can you explain why you think it's sad that a 30 year old woman doesn't look like a child anymore OP?

Why is it sad for a 30 year old not to look like a teen?

This is ridiculous

Yes I agree with this. It makes me cringe a bit when women go on and on about aging and looks and not looking their age. Stop buying into the sexist nonsense that women are only worth anything if they look young!

It's bullshit.

I agree with @JemimaPuddleCluck and @BrerRabbit90

Mumsnet is full of people claiming that they look so much younger than their age and being IDed is evidence of that.

I used to work in a supermarket as a teenager and challenge 25 was drilled into us until we were terrified of getting it wrong.

If I IDed someone it didn't mean I would guess their age at less than 25 or 18. Often if I were to guess with no stakes I'd often guess older eg in their 30s.

It's simply that I IDed anyone if there was any doubt whatsoever because getting it wrong would have such bad consequences. And I was not great at guessing.

So maybe someone looked 32 but I wasn't 100% sure enough that they were over 25 to take the risk so I asked to be extra safe.

It definitely didn't mean I thought they looked 17 but people did often assume that and took it as a compliment. It's just better safe than sorry with these things.

This is such an unnecessary and strange post. Why are you looking at women this way and analysing it? Leave them alone.

100% agree with this.

I have no idea why looking your age is such a bad thing.

And no, I don't really believe people on here who claim they look 10 years younger than they are. Being ID'd doesn't mean anything more than a cashier is doing their job. Most people look their age, give or take a few years. I don't think I've ever met a 40 year old who could pass for late 20s.

So your friend who's in her 30s doesn't look like she's in her teens anymore and looks older then you who are 10 years younger?

Well, no shit Sherlock.

I actually don't buy into the theory that younger women/teens automatically look better. Some women and men grow into their face.

I'm 39 and easily look 10 years younger. Honesty... people mistake my age all the time. I think it's genes. All my family look quite young.

I know the question is about ageing in 30s / 40s... but just fast forward a few decades...

I work with older people. A good proportion of the people I visit tell me that they don't look their age. They almost always do look their age (which is a normal, positive, healthy thing). But they tell me, proudly, that they don't. I don't initiate the discussion, they do. The conversation usually goes something like this: "The nice young lad from John Lewis said he couldn't believe I'm 78". Or some variation of that. A lot of the ladies actively seek out the affirmation. So, a workman will call at the house, or they'll be in a taxi, or other such situation, and they'll say pointedly, "I'm 78 you know", and it hangs in the air awkwardly, until the workman or taxi driver or whomever responds with the required "eeee you don't look it". By no means all of the people I visit do this, a lot of the time it doesn't come up at all! But it's surprisingly common. And where it does happen, almost all of the ladies definitely do look their age, they just can't (or won't) see it in themselves, and want affirmation that they don't. And will immediately warm to the lovely salesman who flatters them. It makes people incredibly vulnerable, and it's really troubling to see.

I'm convinced that a similar pattern exists among younger folk too.
Being asked for ID in a shop, or having someone say "eee you don't look 40 " (or whatever) doesn't necessarily mean that's true. Some staff are jobsworths. Some people are "buttering you up". Sometimes it's 100% genuine, and we all know people who who look younger than their age. But most people don't.

Fair enough, some people age faster than others. Lifestyle, genetics, etc etc. But even taking those things into consideration, we're probably talking about a few years either side of actual biological age. Most people look in the rough vicinity of their age. And I really don't understand why that's a bad thing.

Why is the OP confused and sad that a 30 year old doesn't look like a teenager? Why do they think it's acceptable to judge a friend on the basis of how old they look? And why is it a negative thing to look older than you did ten years ago? Bananas!

I don't think it's sad at all. 20 doesn't look better than 35.

i usually presumed it was due to much partying when younger and the side effects of booze

Genetics play a huge part
But so does lifestyle too

I can spot a smoker and drinker from miles away

But at 20 it isn't obvious. It is at 40

Don't be daft.

I probably aged fast because I had DD1 just before my 30th but it's certainly not automatic.

The only times I noticed significant changes in the appearance of friends has been when they had the youngest children with a big gap from the previous children. I think pregnancy at a later age plus looking after a baby, lack of sleep simply let to looking much more mature than they did pre-pregnancy. I also noticed their hair never recovered the fullness and shine.
Of course I notice these things, I'm not blind, and they are remarkable changes. It doesn't mean I tell anyone about it.
So my thinking is pregnancy in these specific circumstances has something to do with it.

It’s not sad to not look like a teenager when you’re 30.

The misogyny is pretty strong here.

Life is so short OP. I assume you are early 20s from the very transparent crippling insecurity and fixation on other people.

Hopefully by the time aging hits you you'll be more content in your own skin and happy to enjoy life in your own lane.

Lots of people don't live long enough to find grey hairs. Being able to wake up and enjoy your kids and do the things you like in life is something to be so grateful for. I definitely think kids drastically age you but by the time it happens there are more important things in the world.

Don't linger on these unkind thoughts about others. They are poisonous and will only make you feel worse.

It is not sad not to look like a teenager. I feel sad for you that you think that.

People age so differently! I don’t even bother trying to figure it out anymore.

Between 25 and 45 it’s become increasingly hard to tell how old people are!

Did you see the story of that British woman currently detained in the US who claimed she accidentally became a drug mule on her way back home via Chicago after some randoms guy she met abroad paid for her come visit Mexico?

I don’t believe her story for a second but actually the most shocking thing about the whole fiasco was the fact the woman looked late 40s but was actually 27.

I think aging is faster when you start towards 40. I'm shocked looking back at pics of me during lockdown, I look 10 years younger. I'm 42 and have few crows feet or frown lines but weight loss post kids has given me a sagging neck and in photos I can see the start of marionette lines. I notice friends are starting to age now too some quicker than others.

I have a black friend who is 43, her skin is totally wrinkle free, in all honesty she has the skin of a 19 year old - smooth and taut.

I defintely looked more attractive between 30-40 than I did 20-30- subjectively
i did more exercise and I was wealthier so could afford better clothes etc (tweakments weren’t really a thing in the early 2000’s )
I accept that since turning 48 I look worse but it was a slow decay and definitely didn’t happen in my 30’s- these were good years so no, I completely disagree. And if you look shit at 30 you need to take a good look at your lifestyle.

I was doing ok until I hit my late 40’s, culminating effects of peri menopause coupled with a my mum as well as my dad needing care hit my face like a ton of bricks. Prior to that I was young looking, thanks to greasy skin I’m not too wrinkled but the jowls depress me.

Eh? What's sad about a 32 year old not looking like a teenager?! I'm 32 and am not upset about looking my age.

Is your friend a family friend? Unusual for a 27 year old to befriend a 17 year old...

What a strange thing to think. It's not remotely sad to not look like a teen when you're in your 30s. I don't think that's something many adults aspire to. Like most women I know, I looked far better in my early 30s than in my teens. We also hadn't fallen off an aging cliff either and I still got IDed as I was hitting my late 30s.